Sequel to CILNTY. Things aren't going as well as the guys hoped ... Rated for later chapters.
Over the years since the Revenge tour, I often found myself wondering what it would be like if you wanted me back.
My various dreams and fantasies encompassed a wide range of scenes fit for Hollywood: beating on your chest defiantly as you held me in a parking lot, forcing my way past you as you tried to corner me in the bunk room, ditching you on-stage as you finally confessed your love for me to the world, entirely too late...
I'd managed to think up every possible scenario and every rational response to each. It didn't take long after you left me to realize that the one mistake I made time and time again was that I allowed you to do it. I allowed you to control me with that sneaky, half-conscious night in Hawaii. I allowed you to drop me at my worst, only to have me at the ready as soon as you were at yours. And I allowed you to dazzle me with fairytales about living together in a place that would accept us for who we were. So every time I thought about you, I created a new way of ensuring you'd never control me again. There was a rational response for everything you could say or do, and those responses often involved walking away. I had the power to refuse you; life on the road with you was tolerable as long as I had that.
But my visions all had one trending theme that didn't apply to real life: in each and every one, I had complete and indestructible resolve. I hadn't anticipated the way every carefully-constructed comeback and self-righteous speech would crumble under those six syllables.
Yeah, the real picture was much different.
"Frankie, I want you back."
You were never going to believe me. How could you? I'd dropped you more times than you should have taken me back. And after everything that had changed since the last time we shared a kiss, I knew just how impossible a future with me would seem to you.
Yet I still said those five words because they were how I felt. And maybe it was the new album getting under my skin, or that scary sense of finality that came with Bob's leaving the band, but something in me wouldn't allow me to hold them back. It was what I had in mind when I wrote those lyrics: It's time to do it now and do it loud.
But you didn't make noise. You were always a feisty one, and despite the uncharacteristic timidity I seemed to instill in you, I expected a fight. Things were dangerous now; we were married, we had children. Everyone knew those things weren't taken lightly by you, and you weren't the type to break a vow. Which was why it shocked me to see you deteriorate so quickly the moment I told you how I really felt.
I suppose you didn't expect it, though. If there was any time you expected to be safe from me, it was after you fathered those two beautiful baby girls. I'm sure—I hope—you didn't think I would stoop so low.
Because I sure as hell didn't.