As I trudged home, my faint smile acquired from meeting Bryony faded, and the words of the sneering jocks crept up on me, accompanied with harsh waves of pain with every step I took along the faded sidewalk. It started to rain, small drops pattering against my cheek; mingling with tears I was not aware of shedding. How could things be this bad? Mikey’s probably fine, better even, without me. ‘You’re a worthless pain in the ass to all the lives you infect by breathing’ Even though the source of those words could be considered biased, as I headed home the truth of them were incontrovertible. I am worthless. Worthless. Nothing is good anymore. Nothing is worth this. My only reason for living anymore is miles away, probably enjoying his life without me ruining everything. I glanced up, surveying the still unfamiliar house in front of me, at the thought of going in and ignoring my mothers’ concerned questions and looks of disappointment and hurt as I just snorted and shrugged off her embraces added to the hurt and sickness swirling in my stomach. I slowed to a stop for a moment, brushing off the tears which were soon replaced by fresh ones and whispered my goodbye, although they went unheard. ‘I love you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be the son you wanted. You deserve so much better.’ With that I turned and kept walking, knowing exactly where I was going.
It took a few minutes to get there, letting me go over everything twice in my head. The bridge drew closer and closer, my heart racing and my body flushing with adrenaline, making me immune to the icy rain drenching me. I gripped the freezing metal, a jolt of....excitement? Thrumming through my veins. Does that make me sick? I was past caring as I hoisted myself up so I was standing on the railing, teetering dangerously and staring down at the murky water flowing many feet below me. My whole body relaxed as if a big weight was being lifted from me. This was it. No more pain. Not for me, or anyone else that I’ve hurt. The abyss leading to death felt touchable, tangible in the air, waiting to encase me in its velvet embrace. I exhaled – for the last time – and lent forward, posing to dive into the escape I’d been pining for since I left my Mikey. The rain had slowed to a pattering that the harsh wind was blowing into my face. The calm I felt was blissful, better than anything they could mash into a pill or squeeze into a needle. I didn’t belong here, or anywhere else on earth anymore. I hurt everything I touched, upset everyone I cared about. It was time to go. I closed my eyes and counted down from five in my head, my body aching for it to end.
Sitting cross legged on my bed, I stared at the rain streaking past my window and I sighed at the day’s events. After meeting frank I’d gone home smiling, locking myself in my bedroom and zoning out to music, gazing at the rain. There I had remained for at least an hour, when a figure came into my view. The way they limped slightly was familiar, but it took me a few seconds that I recognised the hunched figure as Frank. Hmmm. Something felt odd about him, I definitely got a bad vibe. I felt rushed as I tugged on my muddy vans and found a hoody on my floor, pushing my fringe out of my face impatiently as I flopped into my face.
I yanked the door shut and grumbled as my face was met with a splatter of cold rain. Regardless of my hate for being cold, it felt important I followed frank, although I may feel like creepy stalker lady. I followed him for a few blocks, until the estate thinned out to the approaching bridge. I hung back a little, trying to choke back the worry clogging up my throat, he could just be crossing the bridge to get to downtown...my failing attempt to ease myself evaporated as I saw a silhouette perched on the railing. I stepped onto the bridge and silently edged along, closer and closer to him, until I was right behind him, wishing the tears to stop flowing down my cheeks. I could hear him slowly counting down from five. It got to three, and I tried to move my arms. They were numb with cold and fear. Panic shot through me as he got to two, and they stiffly moved forward towards him. I could hear him begin to whisper one, barely audible about the roar of the river below. He stretched his arms out and began to lean forwards. I involuntarily screamed and caught a fistful of his hood, dragging him backwards onto the sidewalk, knocking myself over in the process and he landed on top of me with a thump.
Trying to ignore the pain in my back I looped my arms around his to prevent him getting up, keeping him securely fixed against me. He was shaking with sobs and I felt my tears rolling freely now, dripping onto his hair mingling with the rain. We didn’t talk for a few minutes, we were both breathless. I finally mustered the air and words to talk.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Frank?” It came out as a hoarse whisper instead of the forceful question I envisioned
“W-what do you think? I can’t do this anymore.” I shifted from under him and stood up stiffly, holding my hand out to his huddled figure
“Come on. You’re coming back to mine. We’re getting coffee and blankets and you are going to tell me everything. I mean it.” He glanced up at me, his beautiful hazel eyes far too hollow to look alive. For a moment I thought he was going to hurdle over the ledge once and for all, but he slowly reached up and took my hand. I pulled him and hooked my arm around his horribly thin waist, and together we limped back to my house. I had saved him, for now.
[/[*TRALAA! a new installment for you lovely readers. R+R pleaasse?
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