Kacy realizes being around strangers doesn't make life easier like she had hoped.
Brendon and his parents had been talking about stuff related to the band and though I'd been listening I hadn't said much. I still didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of them so I was trying to focus on eating instead of talking.
"So you're going on tour with Brendon?" Boyd asked, trying to bring me in to the conversation. Grace had tried previously yet I had gotten away with simply nodding and smiling. This required an actual response.
"That's the plan." I responded, smiling.
"That should be fun and interesting for your relationship. Hopefully you two won't get sick of each other." Boyd stated, getting himself some seconds.
"Oh, I doubt you two will get sick of each other." Grace said, cheerfully. "Do you have any other plans currently Kacy?" She asked me.
Why did they keep asking me questions? I wanted to blend in to the chair, disappearing from immediate view. "I'd like to go to college." I answered. Keep it short and simple. You can't have too many problems with that, right? Hopefully not.
"Wonderful! What for?" Grace asked, seeming extremely interested as she focused on me.
That made me bite my lip as I tried to think of what my future plans had been. I tried desperately to think of what my plans had been but absolutely nothing came to mind. "I-I..." I started to stutter nervously as I felt the pressure to speak and answer a question about myself that I had no answer to.
Brendon spoke up, saving me and also surprising me. "Well she's thinking of becoming a High school teacher, a social worker, or a counselor of some sort. As far as I know she hasn't decided yet though, have you Kacy?" Brendon asked, smiling reassuringly at me.
Grace didn't wait for me to respond to Brendon's question as she focused on me once again and asked another question, "What made you want to choose from those careers?"
I felt my eyes start to tear up and I couldn't stop myself. It was horrifying. The pressure of being in front of Brendon's parents and being asked questions that should have been easy to answer just made me lose my cool and now I couldn't make myself calm as tears started trickling down my face. I didn't even know where the bathroom was so that I could discreetly make a getaway and now it was just too late.
"Oh dear! Are you okay?" Grace was the first to notice. Brendon's eyes went back to me and widened in surprise, "Kacy?" He asked, sounding concerned.
Even Boyd turned around and looked at me, dropping what he had been doing and I heard his fork drop since he had been up getting himself seconds still.
I couldn't speak as my lower lip started trembling and I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. I heard Brendon speak, "Mom, Dad can I have a second alone with Kacy please?" He asked, politely.
"Of course dear." Grace said and I heard her chair scoot back as she left the room with Boyd.
"Kacy, it's just us." Brendon whispered a few seconds later and I opened my eyes to see him crouching down in front of me with a concerned expression.
I tried to quickly wipe the tears away and I realized I was smearing my make up. "I bet I look ridiculous now." I muttered, upset.
"You don't look ridiculous." Brendon assured me as he reached up and wiped some more tears away in a way that didn't completely smear my eye make up. "What's wrong Kacy?" He asked.
"I can't remember." I whispered, more tears falling. I had given up on wiping them away for the time being. "And it's not like they asked me hard questions... I should know the answers! They should be so simple to answer but they aren't because I can't remember anything. I can't remember our past, I can't remember my goals, I couldn't even remember my name when I woke up." I said, letting out a sob as I let myself rant to him.
Brendon nodded and I could see pain in his eyes as well. Was I hurting him by not remembering? I hadn't even thought of that. How could I be so dense? Of course I was hurting him. He was part of my life before. It took looking in to his eyes for me to realize that my memory loss wasn't just affecting me, it was affecting everyone I loved. "I'm sorry." I whispered, searching his eyes for forgiveness. How could I ever be so selfish as to think only I was being affected?
"There is no need to apologize. It will be fine. My parents understand, I told them what happened already so they shouldn't have even asked you a question like that." Brendon said, seeming to think I was apologizing for crying at the dinner table. I was sorry for that but it wasn't what I was currently apologizing for.
"No, I'm sorry for being selfish." I said, still looking in to Brendon's eyes. They were so beautiful; they just pulled me in.
"I don't understand." Brendon said, confusion quickly spreading over his facial features.
"This entire time I've been selfish, assuming it's only hard for me. I didn't take in to account that you lost a lot too. I didn't mean to be so stupid and uncaring." I said, disgusted with myself.
Brendon shook his head, "Oh no baby." He said, smiling at me. His smile was sad though, wasn't this entire situation? "Don't apologize to me for that. You deserve to be selfish when something so life altering happens. I didn't lose anything though. I don't see it that way." Brendon said, stroking my cheek softly.
I felt my lips curving upward in a smile at those words, "You're the most amazing person I know." I told him. It was true. He didn't seem put off by anything and he was always by my side, even when I made him angry.
"That's crazy because I was just about to say the same thing." Brendon said in a teasing tone, "Now come on... I'll show you where the bathroom is so that you can fix yourself up and we can keep visiting my parents. I'll tell them to lay off on the questions though." He stated.
I shook my head as I got up, "Don't do that... It's fine. I'll just be honest if they ask something I can't remember the answer to." I said, deciding to be brave for the rest of this visit. I really did feel terrible for crying at their dinner table. That had to be the worst thing a guest had done to them.
Brendon nodded, "Aren't you just a little trooper?" he joked, "It's right down the hallway. Do you want me to come with?"
"Nah, go ahead and go back to your parents. I'll be out soon." I said, kissing him softly before making my way down the hallway.