Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > It's A Family Thing
Chapter 5: Give me a shot to remember
3 reviewsBut for all those thoughts and fears and (self)doubts there was a cure. And she not only kept it save in her make up purse, but also the back-pocket of the pants she was wearing.
1Exciting
Okay, here’s the next chapter. I hope you still enjoy reading this story. How am I doing with writing? If there are some mistakes in language please keep in mind english isn’t my first language. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing this story! Let me know what you think! Pleassssse!
Well now this was the most fun she had, Rage was thinking when she left the stage. It was the best show of the tour so far. The kids were screaming and jumping along to all their songs and they genuinely seemed to enjoy it. The adrenalin was still rushing through her veins when she made her way to the busses placing a kiss on the cheek of everyone who came her way. She was beyond ecstatic. And she nearly even forgot how freaked out she was just moments before hitting the stage. She always feared people would only like her because she was the little sister of the two Way brothers or people could think they had her out on tour as an act of responsibility. And if this was what people were thinking she couldn't even blame them for she often asked herself the same question. Are they doing this because they are feeling obliged to help me out because I'm their sister or do they really think me and the guys are great artists?
She knew most people would never assume her to be self conscious, maybe even shy around people she didn't know well, but she was. And that it was always awkward. When she felt that way people always mistook her behavior for arrogance. And that of course was one of the last things she wanted to be. It made her think. A lot. And it + some other things as well made her having problems falling asleep at night. Because her mind was racing with a million miles an hour. It was exhausting and it was messing with her head. She often wished for a button at the back of her head to switch it all off to be able to sleep, to calm down, to forget. But then again if such a button existed, who knew she would remember pushing the button again to continue thinking the next morning?
But for all those thoughts and fears and (self)doubts there was a cure. And she not only kept it save in her make up purse, but also the back-pocket of the pants she was wearing. She couldn't even recall how it all has started really. Especially since she knew parts of her family struggled with this stuff before and some of them for a long while... But for me it's different she always said to herself. I'm not them, I can handle it, I'm doing this for fun, I can stop whenever I want.
This wasn't a problem. Because quite different to Gerard she wasn't depressed and used this as some kind of escape, right? She was fine. She was absolutely FINE.
When she has been sitting in front of the busses for a few minutes, she slowly started to calm down. Clutching the bottle of water, she decided to take a shower. Washing off that sweat would feel like being reborn - even though it was the good kind of sweat. Happy sweat. But still: sweat. So she went inside the bus and grabbed a towel, soap, clean clothes and - of course her make up purse... With her secret weapon to make her feel wonderful.
It might sound strange, but sometimes nothing in the world feels better than a cold shower on a hot summer’s day. Really nothing!
When Rage finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, she felt like a human being again. She rubbed her hair dry, put on her short shorts and an oversized t-shirt and made her way to the mirror that was hanging just above the sink. It was misty from the humidity. She rubbed enough of it away so she could see her face, took a deep breath and examined her face. She looked pale. Even though she had a bit of a sun-tan (which wasn’t that much of a surprise since it was summer). Dark circles underneath her eyes. It made her look like she hadn’t slept in days. She bit her lip and ran the left hand through her hair. You could see something was going on behind her dark brown eyes. A whole lot of thinking. She flashed a fake smile at her reflection. Not long though, just a few seconds later the smile vanished. When you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see… What was she doing? She knew it wasn’t right, but in all honesty, she didn’t care. All of a sudden the self-confident girl that was happily planting kisses on anyone’s face a just half an hour ago was gone, left was a shaking and silently sobbing twenty-something. She felt alone. Not just alone, but lonely. …you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me… And no one would believe her if she said that in an interview…
“Come on Rage! Get yourself together!” she said to herself, blinking away the tears that had come out of nowhere. Why the hell was she crying? There was nothing to cry about! She was fine. Nobody could ever assume there was something up. She had always been very cautious in her actions. There was nothing to worry about. And so she took another deep breath, wiped away the tears and started to apply at least some concealer so no one would see the dark shadows beneath her eyes. But other than that, she didn’t use any make up. It was far too hot for it anyway. And so she shot her reflection a last look and then made her way to the toilets, fumbling with her purse until she finally found what she’s been looking for. She let out a relieved sigh. For some reason she was always getting a little paranoid when she couldn’t find it, because then somebody else might have found it and that could mean a lot of trouble… A small box fell into her hand. When she opened it you could see all different kinds of pills. Blue ones. Red ones. And a small bag filled with a white kind of powder. She took it into her hands, knelt down and poured some of it onto the toilet lid. Forming a thin line, rolling a 1-dollar-bill and inhaling it. The rush came immediately and the stinging as well, but she didn’t care, cause when she joined the rest of her band and the crew there was a smile on her face and it wasn’t a fake smile, it was an honest one.
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When Gerard saw Rage, Frank and the boys from "The Diamond Mile" taking shots together it hit him without any warning, it was like his heart stopped beating for a good 10 seconds. He almost didn't allow the thought to fully build up behind his forehead while wtching them dancing and having fun, running wild and free. At first he couldn't even find a word for the feeling in his stomach. And when he realized what it was, he was disgusted by himself. He felt... tempted. And he hadn't felt like that in a long long time - thank god! It caught him off guard, because he couldn't understand why. It just made no sense at all. He never was happier than right now (apart from worrying about Rage). He had a beautiful wife and a beautiful kid. How could he feel triggered? Were it the memories or was it the fact that so much on this tour felt like their first Warped Tour - except he felt a million times better than he did back then.
He decided not to go up to them as he had planned previously, he needed to take care of himself at the moment, before he was about to do something completely stupid, something he would regret before even going so far and really doing it. And so he tried to push the thought away, tried to block out the thoughts about Rage and sat down next to Ray instead, starting a conversation with him. It was the best thing he could do to get his mind off of thinking about having a shot with all of them. A shot to remember... That would ruin it all... A shot to remember... how far they had come as a band. How far he had come... He felt as if life had come for him full circle. With Rage following in the footsteps he left behind 7 years ago.
It was a nice evening even though he couldn't help but glancing over to Rage from time to time with some worry. He didn’t mean to count the times she went for the bathroom or somewhere else, but she left 4 more times during this BBQ night. Only Rage knowing where she went.
I will probably update sometime next week, depends on when I find the time to write, but def next week! Until then feedback is more than welcome!
Well now this was the most fun she had, Rage was thinking when she left the stage. It was the best show of the tour so far. The kids were screaming and jumping along to all their songs and they genuinely seemed to enjoy it. The adrenalin was still rushing through her veins when she made her way to the busses placing a kiss on the cheek of everyone who came her way. She was beyond ecstatic. And she nearly even forgot how freaked out she was just moments before hitting the stage. She always feared people would only like her because she was the little sister of the two Way brothers or people could think they had her out on tour as an act of responsibility. And if this was what people were thinking she couldn't even blame them for she often asked herself the same question. Are they doing this because they are feeling obliged to help me out because I'm their sister or do they really think me and the guys are great artists?
She knew most people would never assume her to be self conscious, maybe even shy around people she didn't know well, but she was. And that it was always awkward. When she felt that way people always mistook her behavior for arrogance. And that of course was one of the last things she wanted to be. It made her think. A lot. And it + some other things as well made her having problems falling asleep at night. Because her mind was racing with a million miles an hour. It was exhausting and it was messing with her head. She often wished for a button at the back of her head to switch it all off to be able to sleep, to calm down, to forget. But then again if such a button existed, who knew she would remember pushing the button again to continue thinking the next morning?
But for all those thoughts and fears and (self)doubts there was a cure. And she not only kept it save in her make up purse, but also the back-pocket of the pants she was wearing. She couldn't even recall how it all has started really. Especially since she knew parts of her family struggled with this stuff before and some of them for a long while... But for me it's different she always said to herself. I'm not them, I can handle it, I'm doing this for fun, I can stop whenever I want.
This wasn't a problem. Because quite different to Gerard she wasn't depressed and used this as some kind of escape, right? She was fine. She was absolutely FINE.
When she has been sitting in front of the busses for a few minutes, she slowly started to calm down. Clutching the bottle of water, she decided to take a shower. Washing off that sweat would feel like being reborn - even though it was the good kind of sweat. Happy sweat. But still: sweat. So she went inside the bus and grabbed a towel, soap, clean clothes and - of course her make up purse... With her secret weapon to make her feel wonderful.
It might sound strange, but sometimes nothing in the world feels better than a cold shower on a hot summer’s day. Really nothing!
When Rage finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, she felt like a human being again. She rubbed her hair dry, put on her short shorts and an oversized t-shirt and made her way to the mirror that was hanging just above the sink. It was misty from the humidity. She rubbed enough of it away so she could see her face, took a deep breath and examined her face. She looked pale. Even though she had a bit of a sun-tan (which wasn’t that much of a surprise since it was summer). Dark circles underneath her eyes. It made her look like she hadn’t slept in days. She bit her lip and ran the left hand through her hair. You could see something was going on behind her dark brown eyes. A whole lot of thinking. She flashed a fake smile at her reflection. Not long though, just a few seconds later the smile vanished. When you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see… What was she doing? She knew it wasn’t right, but in all honesty, she didn’t care. All of a sudden the self-confident girl that was happily planting kisses on anyone’s face a just half an hour ago was gone, left was a shaking and silently sobbing twenty-something. She felt alone. Not just alone, but lonely. …you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me… And no one would believe her if she said that in an interview…
“Come on Rage! Get yourself together!” she said to herself, blinking away the tears that had come out of nowhere. Why the hell was she crying? There was nothing to cry about! She was fine. Nobody could ever assume there was something up. She had always been very cautious in her actions. There was nothing to worry about. And so she took another deep breath, wiped away the tears and started to apply at least some concealer so no one would see the dark shadows beneath her eyes. But other than that, she didn’t use any make up. It was far too hot for it anyway. And so she shot her reflection a last look and then made her way to the toilets, fumbling with her purse until she finally found what she’s been looking for. She let out a relieved sigh. For some reason she was always getting a little paranoid when she couldn’t find it, because then somebody else might have found it and that could mean a lot of trouble… A small box fell into her hand. When she opened it you could see all different kinds of pills. Blue ones. Red ones. And a small bag filled with a white kind of powder. She took it into her hands, knelt down and poured some of it onto the toilet lid. Forming a thin line, rolling a 1-dollar-bill and inhaling it. The rush came immediately and the stinging as well, but she didn’t care, cause when she joined the rest of her band and the crew there was a smile on her face and it wasn’t a fake smile, it was an honest one.
---------------------------------------------------------------
When Gerard saw Rage, Frank and the boys from "The Diamond Mile" taking shots together it hit him without any warning, it was like his heart stopped beating for a good 10 seconds. He almost didn't allow the thought to fully build up behind his forehead while wtching them dancing and having fun, running wild and free. At first he couldn't even find a word for the feeling in his stomach. And when he realized what it was, he was disgusted by himself. He felt... tempted. And he hadn't felt like that in a long long time - thank god! It caught him off guard, because he couldn't understand why. It just made no sense at all. He never was happier than right now (apart from worrying about Rage). He had a beautiful wife and a beautiful kid. How could he feel triggered? Were it the memories or was it the fact that so much on this tour felt like their first Warped Tour - except he felt a million times better than he did back then.
He decided not to go up to them as he had planned previously, he needed to take care of himself at the moment, before he was about to do something completely stupid, something he would regret before even going so far and really doing it. And so he tried to push the thought away, tried to block out the thoughts about Rage and sat down next to Ray instead, starting a conversation with him. It was the best thing he could do to get his mind off of thinking about having a shot with all of them. A shot to remember... That would ruin it all... A shot to remember... how far they had come as a band. How far he had come... He felt as if life had come for him full circle. With Rage following in the footsteps he left behind 7 years ago.
It was a nice evening even though he couldn't help but glancing over to Rage from time to time with some worry. He didn’t mean to count the times she went for the bathroom or somewhere else, but she left 4 more times during this BBQ night. Only Rage knowing where she went.
I will probably update sometime next week, depends on when I find the time to write, but def next week! Until then feedback is more than welcome!
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