A paraghraph in itallics is like a flshback to highschool. There may be quite a few. lolololol. xoxo
“You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first, and I loved you first. Beneath the stars came fallen' on our heads. But they're just old light, they're just old light. Your hair was long when we first met. Samson came to my bed told me that my hair was red told me I was beautiful and came into my bed oh I cut his hair myself one night a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light and he told me that I’d done alright and kissed me 'til the morning light, the morning light and he kissed me 'til the morning light.” The guitar faded and the light of the room dimmed. Ryan came hopping off the stage and into my arms. “So, did you like it? I didn’t write it, but I just loved the song.” It was beautiful.
“It was beautiful. You’re beautiful. I love you.” He gave a wicked grin and whispered in my ear, “I loved you first.” And with that we left Jon and Spencer at the little table in the centre of the shop, and headed to Ryan’s house.
The next 6 hours were like my own personal hell. Ryan and Spencer were sat in a booth while I worked. Spencer seemed to be on the phone most of the time, and Ryan throwing daggers at me from across the room. As I finished my shift I grabbed my things and waved to Spence and Ry. “You coming to my place, it’s only about a ten minuet walk from here. Maybe we can sort some of this shit out.” Ryan nodded and Spencer smiled.
We got to the loft and Ryan laughed. It was pure joy. Ryan’s laugh was like hearing bells ringing on Christmas Eve when you were 5. It was like Christmas, two months late. “I'm going to head back to the hotel and leave you two to speak, plus Jon wants to see me.”
“Okay, see you.”
“Yeah, I’ll be back later Spence. Thanks.” Hearing Ryan speak was better than his laugh. It was as if my birthday, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year all in one. “So what do you wanna know Ry?”
"I wanna know why you left. Why you made me do this." And with that he rose up his right arm, rolled up his sleeve and closed his eyes. A single tear rolled out of my own as I took in the sight before me. Across his forearm, etched into his skin, was my name. It would have looked like a tattoo from afar, but this close I could tell what it was. He had marked himself with my name, with a razor. I dropped to my knees and he followed. He held me for over an hour while in cried into his arms, sobs of 'sorry's' and 'I love you's' escaped my lips over and over again. When I looked up his eyes were as red as mine. "I never stopped loving you Ryan. I always have and always will. Please know that. I'm sorry. I'm cold and alone. I miss you. I miss you."
"Cold and alone," he replied "it suits you well." With that he got up "I love you too, and I miss you. But it isn’t enough Brendon. It just isn't enough. Just remember what I said to you the week before graduation." and he left. I suddenly recalled what he had whispered to me in the coffee shop. "I loved you first."
R&R biznitches. But seriously, anyine who actually takes their time to reads this. I. Love. You.