Everyone goes 'round Gerard's to watch a movie, cus thats what normal kids do :)
I forced my key into the lock as fast as I could and opened the door, shutting it behind me. I turned around and saw David standing there, no expression shown on his face.
“I told you to come home.” He stated, his anger now vaguely showing on his face.
I nodded quickly. “I-I know. I j-jus w-was we I-I w-wa-” my stuttering was cut off by the back of David’s hand hitting my cheek.
“SHUT IT!” he shouted. “YOU DIDN’T COME HOME BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING HIM!” he brought his face close to mine and his voice lowered, yet it seemed more threatening and fearful. “And let me tell you, if you so much as dare look him in the eye again, you can say bye-bye to your sweet innocent Gerard.” His waved his hand as a goodbye while he spoke. “YOU HEAR ME!?” he shouted again.
I nodded, tears stinging my eyes.
“Good.” He said, punching me in the stomach and walking into the living room.
I clutched my stomach and backed up to the door, sliding down it.
I couldn’t speak to Gerard. I couldn’t let David hurt him, because I know he would. I didn’t want anything to happen to Gerard. Why did I have to get close to him? Or anyone!?
When the pain in my middle died down, I got up of the floor and ran upstairs and into the bathroom, jumping in the shower.
I sat in front of my cracked mirror and switched off my straightener. I stared at the girl looking back at me. Her ugly face matched my ugly personality.
I rubbed against my wrists, feeling the sting from just slashing at them and hissing at it.
I scrambled over to my bed and reached under it, pulling out my rollups. I put one to my lips and lit it with my lighter, inhaling the smoke. I smoked it fast, waiting for the effect to hit me quickly, to make the pain stop. I'm still waiting for that to happen, ever since I started to need this.
I got the light headed feeling quickly, but I still felt the pain, it didn’t die down at all, it still felt the same.
I stood outside my gate, I ran outside as soon as I realised David might be able to smell the smoke. Even though I could just pass it off as cigarettes, he would know. He can tell when I'm lying, even when I don’t know I am.
It was only half seven, I had to be in school in an hour, I had time. I walked down the road, took a few turns to find the park. I headed for my usual spot, a bench hidden in trees. A few little kids use to use that as their little hideout, but I scared them off. It’s my hideout now.
I sat on the bench and took out the fat zoot I just rolled and brought it to my lips. This should make it stop, or at least help it stop I thought as I lit up the joint. It was sharp on my throat when I inhaled, there was way too much weed and too little tobacco in this. I had to keep relighting it after a few pulls, it kept going out.
I felt so free and lightheaded as I walked out the park. The bad things didn’t seem to matter anymore, they were still there though, I just didn’t seem to care about them.
As I walked on the curb of the footpath, falling offalmost every couple of steps, then just laughing at myself.
“Stacie!” shouted a familiar cheerful voice. How could you be this cheerful in the morning, well unless you're me of course, but I did have a pretty good reason for it. There was only one person who could be that cheerful.
I turned around to see Frank – looking adorable in his school uniform – running up to me with a smile on his face. He ran to me with open arms and hugged me, to which I hugged back cus he was just so adorable and happy.
He pulled away and gave me an exaggerated confused look. “Are you feeling okay?” he reached up and place his palm on my forehead.
“What does nurse Frank think is the problem?” I ask, smirking, then laughing at my own lame ‘joke’.
Frank frowned as he took his hand away from my forehead. “Hhhhmmmmm seems like you have a very high temperature, and seem to being on some kind of drug?” he said in an English accent.
I giggled. “Yeah…drug…I have a high temperature!?” I shrieked. The last thing I needed at the moment in time was to be ill.
Frank giggled. aaawwwww I thought. “Just a little bit, probably from the druugggssss.” He said, rather weirdly.
I just giggled and put my finger up to my lips. “Sssshhhhhh.” I whispered. “They’ll find out.”
Frank looked genially confused. “Who?”
“…I don’t know.” I burst into a fit of giggles, holding onto Frank for support.
“What? You are high?” Frank asked, not as confused as he was a few seconds before.
I attempt not to smile, trying to look innocent, but I failed, giggling instead of just smiling. “Okay, you got me.” I said, holding my hands up defensively, failing at holding back my giggles.
Frank rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You shouldn’t do that shit, but it’s your choice and you are older than me, as long as you know it’s bad for you.” He stuck his tongue out at me and giggled.
I giggled as well because Frank’s giggle is just way too contagious. “Whatever.” I said through my giggles.
I talked to Frank for about ten minutes before he had to carry on walking to school, well, when I say talk, it was just Frank laughing at me attempting to form a sentence while giggling. I waved bye to Frank as he walked off.
I started to walk in the direction of the school; there was no harm in being early.
I decided to pick up where I left off before my conversation with Frank, stepping onto the curb and trying not to fall off as I walked. At one point, I fell off the curb and tripped over my foot, almost sending me face first onto the road, but someone caught me.
I looked up to see a very tired looking Gerard. “Whoa, you do know you have the shittest balance ever right?” he said as he helped me take my own weight. “I’ve been watching you as I was walking up the road, quite a funny sight actually.” He chuckled a bit.
I was still giggling, and I outstretched my arms as I placed my hands over my mouth.
Gerard gave me a puzzled look. “Your eyes…?” he trailed off, trying to get a better look, moving closer to me.
I shook my head a bit, covering my eyes with my fringe. “And yours are gorgeous.” I said, smiling as I stared at them.
“So are yours, but-” he was cut off by me shoving the palm of my hand into his nose. He clutched his nose as I giggled at him.
“It’s not nice to lie!” I shouted through my giggles.
“Shit! Stacie!?” he half shrieked. “What have you taken!?” he asked after bringing his face so close to mine, shoving my fringe out of the way to look at my eyes.
I giggling and moved back a bit. “Personal space you pedo!” I shrieked.
Gerard mocked a shocked face and gasped. “I’m no pedo.” he giggled. “But seriously, what have you taken?” he asked, looking rather serious.
Gotta admit, he looked even more gorgeous when he was serious…wow. I started to giggle.
“Stacie?” he looked me in the eyes, concern plastered all over his gorgeous face. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight, they looked beautiful.
I was still giggling, but it died down a little bit as I spoke. “Gerard, I never noticed how beautiful you were.” I said, just smiling as I stared at his face.
Gerard straightened up to his height and sighed. “There is no way you're going to school being this high.” He said, rubbing his forehead.
I gasped and placed a hand over my mouth. “I'm not high! Why would you accuse me, an innocent little girl, of being high?” I started to giggle half way through my sentence, I couldn’t hold a straight face to save my life.
“That’s why.” He said, talking about my giggling.
“Oh.” I said through more giggles.
Gerard sighed again. “Come on, you’d better come back to mine.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me onto the pavement, just as a car drove past. “Can’t have you out on the streets like this.”
I looked up at him, confused. “But what about schooool?” I forced all my bodyweight on Gerard as I dragged out the last word. I notice him stumble, but then he repositioned himself to get a better balance.
He laughed. “You're seriously thinking of going school stoned out of your fucking head?” he looked down at me, an eyebrow raised.
I was still looking up at him with the confused expression on my face. “Yeah?” it was more of a question than an answer.
He laughed again and shook his head. “Well I don’t think you’d be able to notice a crowd of jocks coming towards you if you can’t notice a speeding car on the street.” He pulled me towards the direction of his house.
I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. I don’t know what’s the connection of the jocks at school, to a speeding car, which somehow relates to me not going school. Is Gerard stoned too? I laughed out loud at my thoughts, getting a worried look from Gerard. I shrugged it off and allowed him to drag me to his house.
I sat on Gerard’s bed, looking at his comic books. I wasn’t reading them, or even following what the story was about, I was just staring at the colours. They were bold and clashing colours and just looked amazing. I love looking at comics or any kind of bright coloured pictures when I'm stoned. It just makes you appreciate colours more.
Gerard came down the stairs with two packets of biscuits and coffee. “Thought you might be hungry – or have the munchies – in the state you're in.” he said, giggling.
I just smiled. He knew me too well – or someone stoned too well but that’s beside the point. I wasn’t even hungry; I just wanted food, and lots of it.
Gerard handed me a pack of biscuits, which I opened at started stuffing myself with whatever would fit in my mouth. I finished one packet really quickly – I didn’t keep track of time, why would I? I had food and that’s all that mattered.
I looked up at Gerard and smiled again. “Cheers mister.” I said, hugging him.
“Haha you're welcome missy. Would you like some more?” he asked, holding the other pack of biscuits up in the air.
I nodded and took the pack, opening it and taking out handfuls of biscuits and stuffing them in my mouth. They tasted nom. That’s all I have to say.
Then something occurred to me. I wasn’t meant to be here. For mine and Gerard’s sakes, especially Gerard’s, I wasn’t meant to be here. I don’t want David to hurt Gerard. I really don’t. I can’t have anything happen to Gerard and it be my fault.
I stood up. “I can’t be here.” I mumbled and started in the direction of Gerard’s door.
“What?” Gerard asked, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back. “Why not?”
I felt tears in my eyes as I might have to tell Gerard the truth. “I jus can’t. He’ll hurt you and then me.” I whispered, attempting to turn around.
Gerard’s face was full of confusion and worry. “What? Who will?”
I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks. “I jus can’t-” my voice cracked and I couldn’t finish my sentence. I started to sob, fearing David, fearing the fact that he’ll find me and hurt Gerard, then me.
Gerard’s arms wrapped themselves around my body, resting my head on his chest as he stroked my hair, shushing me. “It’s fine, no one’s gonna hurt you. Sshhh.”
I carried on crying. David was going to hurt me. No matter what. He’ll find me in Gerard’s house and then hurt us both.
“He’s gonna hurt us Gerard.” I cried into his chest. Gerard just shushed me again. I began to cough and my breathing because restricted. I pulled away from Gerard and pushed my hand against my chest. I coughed and struggled to breathe, still sobbing.
“Fuck. Stacie, you're having a panic attack. Wait there I’ll get you some water.” The words poured out of Gerard’s mouth so fast I'm surprised my mind was able to register what he said.
I sat on Gerard's bed, waiting for whatever was happening to stop. It felt like there was no air going to my lungs.
Gerard came in with a glass of water. Be pushed it up to my face and helped me hold the glass as I drank the water.
It helped, Id stopped coughing and was just able to breath properly, I was only hiccupping as I carried on crying.
Gerard sat down on his bed beside me and placed his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him. He rocked me back and forth, humming Nirvana. I loved sitting here with Gerard. He was so warm, so secure. I felt safe, just with him holding me. He made the pain go away.
It was almost five in the evening now and I was still at Gerard’s house. We did the usual stuff, played the PlayStation, wrestled, and then I fell asleep on his bed for about two hours, as you do.
We were currently sitting at the kitchen. I had poured salt out on the countertop, writing ‘Gerard, stop wasting the salt XD’. I looked up at him, giggling. He was talking to be about why he got a detention once for spitting on some girl. I was really listening to his story in detail though, I was waiting for him to notice what I did, but he would just look everywhere apart from where I’d written it.
The doorbell rang. I turned around as Gerard went to open the door. Frank, Bob and Ray were coming over for a ‘movie night’ which I had invited myself to since Gerard decided to just tell me about and not ask if I wanted to come, yet as me what I prefer us watching tonight.
Frank ran through the door, not even bothering to say anything to Gerard. He threw his bag on the sofa as he ran into the kitchen and jumped up in the air as he attacked me with a hug. “HI STACIEEEE!” he screeched in my ear, unnaturally high for a guy who’s voice is already broken.
“Hello Frankie.” I giggled. “Am I allowed to breath or not?” I asked, holding his ribs as I attempted to pull him off.
He giggled. “you’re much funner when you're high.” he let go of me, poking my tummy. I poked his nose in return.
“Fuck you.” I giggled and pointed to my salt project. Frank looked at it. “That’s been there for a while, and he hasn’t noticed.” I giggled.
Frank laughed and grabbed the salt, drawing a penis with it; I was expecting something like that to come from him.
I burst into laughter as Frank skipped off to say hello to Gerard. I followed and said hi to Mikey.
“Hi Stacie.” He replied with a big smile on his face. I hadn’t seen that kid smile so much since I first met him.
“What’s got you so happy four-eyes?” I said, poking his chest, giggling.
Mikey just smiled wider and walked upstairs to his room.
I gave Bob and hug and went to hug Ray, but was just mesmerised by his afro. It was beautiful. I just had to touch it. Maybe is should ask first…too late, my hand was already sucked into his ever growing bush on top of his head.
“Hello to you too, Stacie.” Laughed Ray.
I snapped out of my trance. “Sorry, I'm still a little stoned, hello.” I giggled.
Ray just rolled his eyes and followed Bob into the kitchen. Frank had gone missing – no surprises there – so that just left me and Gerard, again. He just stood there with his hands in his pockets, waiting for something to happen.
I knew he wasn’t going to say anything, but I couldn’t be bothered to start up a conversation, so I just picked up a scatter cushion off the sofa and threw it at him, then walked off into the kitchen to see what Bob and Ray were up to.
Bob was looking in all the cupboards and the fridge, most likely looking for food, Ray was doing the same.
“Don’t you have any food, Gerard?” Bob shouted from the kitchen.
I giggled and sat on the kitchen table (actually on the table, not a chair). Gerard walked in and moved Bob out the way of the fridge. He took out some waffles and pancakes.
“Ma made these this morning, but me and Mikey weren’t that hungry. They might taste a bit funny cus you're gonna have to heat em up.” Gerard said, handing the plate to Bob.
“I'm hungry. Taste doesn’t always matter.” Bob stated.
“Heat some up for me as well, Bob.” Ray said, taking a seat at the table.
Gerard took a seat as well. “yeah, do some for Frank and Mikey. And me.” He looked at me. “You want some as well?”
I shook my head. “I'm okay, thanks.” I mumbled.
Bob turned around to look at me. “Stacie, don’t you ever eat?” they all laughed.
I shook my head. “Nope. Unless I'm high, that’s a different story.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Hurry up Bob, I'm hungry.” Ray whined, poking Bob’s stomach.
“Okay! Okay! I'm doing it!” Bob said, started to heat the food up.
“I’ll go get them too.” I mumbled, jumping off the table and running upstairs to Mikey’s room.
I was standing outside Mikey’s room, just about to knock at the door and open it, but I heard him and Frank talking. They were sort of whispering, and I know I shouldn’t have, but I listened in on their conversation – or what was left of it.
“Did you talk to her in science class, then?” Frank’s whisper could be heard a mile off.
Mikey giggled. “Yes, we were put together as lab partners because her old one kept dipping her hair in the beakers.”
Frank squealed, then I heard a bang. “Ouch! Don’t get too excited!” that was Mikey, sounding rather annoyed.
“Sorry, this is just so exciting, you're gonna have your first girlfriend!” Frank squealed. He probably jumped on Mikey, which is what the bang was.
“Hey! She won’t be my first!” Mikey argued.
Frank sighed. “Dancing with some random girl at a party, then talking to her the next day, doesn’t make her your girlfriend. It just makes you a stalker if you think that, and the way you kept running after her seemed a little desperate if you ask me.” Frank giggled.
“Fine, she doesn’t count.” Mikey sighed in disappointment.
Frank squealed again. “So what did you too talk about!?” sometimes I wonder is Frank is even a guy.
“I can’t really remember, we were just talking about the work and the task. She’s just so….I dunno, but I kept stuttering every time I spoke to her.” Mikey said, I could imagine the big fat grin from earlier on still on his face.
By this time, I opened the door, without knocking. “So, does she have a name?” I asked, walking over and sitting because Frank on Mikey’s bed, Mikey was sitting on his computer chair.
Mikey’s face, within the instant I mentioned her name, went the colour of beetroot. “We’’, she um, her name’s um…I don’t wanna say.” He looked so adorable, I wanted to pick him up and put him in my pocket.
I patted his shoulder. “Keepin’ her to yourself I see.” I winked at him and giggled.
Mikey just smiled, looking a bit dazed.
“He won’t tell me her name, but she’s all he talks about to me, but he’s never actually had a proper conversation with her until today.” Frank giggled.
“Ge’in there, Mikey.” I mocked, punching the blushing boy’s shoulder.
“I have spoken to her a few times before, but not like…a conversation lasting more than a minute.” He looked down, obviously embarrassed.
I ruffled his hair. “Well I'm sure when she finds out what a lovely boy you are, she’ll fall for you.”
Frank started sniffing. I looked at him, his nose was up in the air.
“What do I smell?” he asked, concentrating on his nose.
“Oh yeah, that would be the pancakes and waffles I came upstairs to tell you about.” I giggled.
Frank was out of the room before I’d even finished my sentence.
Me and Mikey stood up and walked down the stairs.
“Um, can you not tell anyone…about that girl…please.” Mikey asked, looking so shy and still red.
I ruffled his hair again. “Your secret is safe with me…and Frank.” I giggled.
We were all in Gerard’s room, watching some thriller. I couldn’t be bothered to check out the name, all I gathered from the movie so far was some guy stalking some lady he had found out so much about her and she hadn’t a clue who he was.
Bob was lying on the floor, Ray was sitting cross legged on the floor, Mikey and Frank were sitting on Gerard sofa, and me and Gerard were sitting on his bed.
The film was quite good, completely messed up though, but it was still alright.
I looked up at Gerard. “What’s the time?” I asked, for no reason in particular, just wanted to know the time.
Gerard checked his watch. “Quarter past six, need to be anywhere?”
I shook my head and looked back at the television, “no, jus wanted the time.” I mumbled.
It came to the point in the film where the guy actually met the girl at the bar, and took her back to his place, her being unaware of what he wanted. The lights in the living room where dim, then he started to grope her. She slapped him, and his face turned red. He started hitting her, punching and kicking her.
I gripped Gerard’s arm, this movie wasn’t pleasant.
He threw her down on the floor of the living room and started to undo his belt buckled and unfasten his jeans. She started to scream, aware of what the man was going to do to her, but he hit hair again and told her to keep her mouth shut. She then just cried, accepting what was about to happen to her.
Throughout this part of the movie I had gotten closer and closer to Gerard, a sense of security. I didn’t want to tell them to turn it off; they were clearly enjoying the story. So I just sat there, hoping this bit would end quicker. I looked up at Gerard, his jaw was clenched, making it look like he wasn’t enjoying the film either.
Back to the movie; the man had taking off her underwear and was just about ready to penetrate her, when she screamed one last time. He slapped her across the face, her cheek his the ground and blood started to poor out her mouth. Then the camera moved to an angle, showing the back of the man. He was moving his hips, thrusting himself into her as she screamed.
I was terrified. The scene was still playing, the man hitting her as he fulfilled his needs.
I felt vile. I let go of Gerard and jumped off the bed. I jumped over Bob and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I poured out all of my insides into the toilet bowl as tears streamed down my face.
“Turn that shit off!” Gerard shouted, his voice was coming closer to the bathroom. The door knocked, so I presumed it was him who did it. “Stacie? Do you want me to come in?” he sounded very patronising.
I didn’t answer, I just hurled a bit more into the toilet as more tears fell down my face.
The door handle clicked and Gerard opened the door a very small bit, he squeezed through the small gap he’d made and sat own on the floor next to me. He rubbed my back. “Need someone to hold your hair back?” he asked.
I spat in the toilet. “Fuck off.” I said, hurling once again into the toilet.
“God, Stacie.” Gerard pulled my hair out of my face as I puked.
I was pretty sure I was done getting rid of the biscuits from earlier, so I sat down on the floor as Gerard let go of my hair. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and my eyes with the other sleeve as I sniffled. I couldn’t look at him; I just stared at the floor.
“Sorry Stacie, I didn’t know what was on that movie, Bob brought it over.” Gerard said, moving closer to me, probably about to give me a hug, but I moved away slightly, indicating I didn’t want him to get too close to me. He used his common sense and sat back down, just closer to me that before.
I sniffed again. “I-its fine. Think it was jus what I took earlier.” I said, wiping my eyes again, the tears wouldn’t stop.
Gerard sighed. “That isn’t it, though, is it?” Gerard asked, his piercing hazel eyes trying to make eye contact with me.
I shifted my eyes to meet his, but didn’t move my head. He quickly broke the eye contact, obviously uncomfortable from my menacing look.
“I’ve got ta go.” I mumbled, standing up and walking out the toilet door. I picked my stuff up from Gerard’s room and walked up the stairs. Everyone just stared at me and didn’t say a word.
I slammed the front door on my way out.
I ran home, I had to be there before David got back, I couldn’t deal with another night of the physical and mental pain he puts me through.
I unlocked the door as fast as I could, ran upstairs, threw my school bag on the floor and grabbed some joints from under my bed.
Running back downstairs, I grabbed my keys from the still opened door and shut it, and headed for the park, my nightly getaway.
So um yeah, that’s what you’ve all been waiting for…..kinda shit….sorry :/ xxx