sooo much drama you need to read so sorry for thw wait!! but please carry on being the awesome R&R'rs you are hehe love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Because you are just that awesome :D
He stood there aghast completely shell-shocked as he kept his gaze on mine. His eyes bulged out boring straight into mine, full of the same emotion I read on his face that night. Heat stole his face and mine too; I could tell the redness was burning his face every inch. His sun-kissed skin shaking slightly and flawless face trembling only turning a harsher ghostly shade of white. The air was so thick and clustered I could taste it, almost taste the upset, guilt and fear of losing him, so thick I could cut it with a knife.
I felt dark twisted vicious thorns snagging and tearing at my heart, treacherous snakes wrapping around me, bluing my face and burning my body in places I never knew existed. Their venomous touch scorching my insides without even the touch of a small flickering blaze. My veins burst, my insides snarling viciously, my limbs awry and my heart shattering simultaneously as I fell apart. My whole body igniting so strong so painful, the feeling so sharp so excruciating I had become numb. The pain that I had tortured had become painless, struck dead still like a stone cold statue, yet I still couldn’t get my inner-shell to break out, to show through my outer-shell, exposing myself to Frank, how I really feel for him and show him my true colours. I feared it the most, the rejection and acceptation, the starting but also the end...how I will do it I don’t know but one thing for sure is that I can never let anyone so special slip through my fingers. Especially when they haven’t even caught them yet.
The tense moment was now amiss. Frank had dashed out of the room, leaving me with even more deadly silence and shock that I couldn’t seem to shake off. I could smell Romy’s sweet perfume but only slightly as she hovered over me horribly shocked, well... I could imagine that is from her heavy raged breathing. The aroma of the sweet fragrance over powered by the sweat, tears, regret and a lot of booze. Yet my gaze continued to stare at the door, when only moments ago the person I only hope can forgive me walked out of.
I could no longer care how repulsive her lips tasted against mine, the mixture of different alcohol substances and food not to my intention, all I cared for was Frank at this moment.
“G-Gerard,” Romy had whispered beside me as she trembled.
My head shot around to hers, the suddenness of her voice shocking me.
“I’m so sorry G-Gerard, I don’t kno-know whhaa I was...”
I shook my head, my mind back to this moment away from drowning myself in my sorrows.
“I can’t talk now,” I blurted out before exiting the room inadvertently, something I should have done straight away.
As I carried myself along the endless halls I began my search for Frank. When I entered the sanctuary of the living room connecting to the kitchen I peered around the house, prancing around in asterisks, speeding around corners of tables, sofas and kitchen sides, the fear of bashing my hipbone the least of my worries.
“Frank!” I called, my head craned around every angle whipping back and forth at the glimpse of seeing a face with the similar lip piercing or perfect curled fringe.
“Gerard G...what’s wrong?” Mikey panicked leaping over to me with arms outstretched. He caught me by my shoulders with worried eyes.
“I...I FUCK...ugh I can’t....I will tell you later I’ve got to find Frank,” I stuttered, my eyes wondering around the house from room to room, darting back and forth at all the dancing figures surrounding me only hoping one would be Frank.
I made to leave but Mikey’s grip on my shoulders tightened.
“Gerard, tell me,” he pleaded.
I looked into his eyes, those deep dark swirls of coco full of worry and concern...how the fuck will I be able to tell him this?
I took a deep breath “I...god this is hard,” I huffed.
“G,” he gave me a demanding stern look.
“When I was in the room waiting for Frank Romy came in drunk and in a mood with you thinking that you hated her because you haven’t been spending so much time with her, and when she told me she was really upset. I tried to tell her that she is great for you and that you was just helping me out but then she kissed me and that’s when Frank came in, he fucking hates me more than ever now and after I told him I liked him oh fuck fuck and Romy she...she...”
“Whoa whoa slow down...Romy what?”
“She kissed me, but only cuz she is drunk and really confused I was just making her feel better I would never hit on her I mean come on I wouldn’t do that to you and...”
“Bro I know I know I will talk to Romy...you go get Frank,” he ordered.
“She is really sorry Mikey,” I rushed out.
“I know G...it’s not your fault or hers it’s just a misunderstanding, now... go get him,” he pointed.
I nodded then bolted out of the house like lightning, pushing my uncontrollable form passed the drunken bodies that swayed to and throw. I skidded out the house and down the rain scattered side-walk as fast as my legs could carry me, tears flooding my eyes, tears that I couldn’t stop just allowing them to weep as I sprinted aimlessly around the cold streets of New Jersey, no idea where I’m heading. Only weeping in diaper as rain began to belt down letting the harsh bullets of rain pummle down and beat against my face. The rain was relentless something I needed to be right now. It was picking up, drumming the surfaces of cars, side-walks, houses and me, drowning me in my sorrows making a weird combination of a soft melody but also a treacherous banging fear all at the same time. The rain has its way of knowing my feelings.
I yelled out his name several times, too many to count, yet they were only to be drowned out and muffled by the viscous bullets of rain as it carried on falling, soaking my clothes and resulting to them sticking to my body making each move harder as I tried pushing through the thick weather. My hair drenched laying limp to my incredibly pale cheeks but not before lashing them self there like icicles darting at me. None of the less, I kept sprinting on, splashing through the many puddles that began covering every path ahead.
I rounded another corner, the ice-cold raindrops scratching at my face, feeling as though icicles were ripping at my skin just wishing the next corner he would be there. I was basically running around in circles, trying to catch him but slipping away, so close but never close enough just like when you see a dog chasing its tail idiotically, almost their but never close enough, not enough. He failed. Just like I am now. I am a complete failure, chasing after him like a complete mess knowing that I will never be able to find him. Trembling on, bashing my legs together trying to speed up my pace. My breath unsteady and juddering becoming more raged by the minute. Pathetic.
Why does this have to happen to me. I’m pathetic. I’m not worth the air I breath, so how in any bodies right mind am I worth to share even that with Frank.
I slowed down my pace, puffing and panting, my legs couldn’t take it anymore they feel like mush, jelly is too good of a substance to use for my stumps...they were much worse. I stumbled over to a nearby ledge and crashed on it, sticking to it just like my clothes do me. Shuddering and quivering by the coldness closing my eyes and allowing that coldness to take me, there is no way he will ever like me... ever...I mean all this time and I still am able to cock it up and that’s all I will ever do. My head leant back in misery letting the rain wash over my face as I leant back against the brick wall for balance, exactly what I needed for now...just not the balance I craved.
He was gone, ran away from me. He needs to know it’s not my fault but how? How can I do that when I struggle to find him...struggle to even have one day with him without cocking it up. Guess my life is just a huge struggle, existing in this world of greed and spite, struggling to be accepted, struggle to do anything right. A singled blow from a pair of innocent lips enough to knock me down. I feel taunted and trapped, by only myself but only I can change that.
A strange vibration emitted from my jeans giving me a jump, diverting me from my dreadful thoughts. I clasped a hold of my cell with soaking hands caving my body to protect it. I effortlessly opened the message I had received, my hands trembling mirroring the actions my lips took. I leant my head on my one hand feeling how ghostly cold my cheek was, but at that moment I was only wishing that It could become deadly cold.
G...Franks here in the loo go c him x
The white blurry screen told me, the sender none other than my than my brother. (ha rhymed lol )
My eyes expanded.
This can’t be true, he was only in the toilet the whole time. I had trekked out in the cold harsh bitter night of New Jersey, with the heaviest of rain in existence.
The things I do.
I huffed and began my walk back to the house, broken, fragile and weak, just withering away in the wind, but ready and eager to carry on. For all the mistakes I have made I cannot erase or run away from, but I can face them, I have to and I will, I will face them now, face him.
“Come on G, you can tell him,” Mikey encouraged with a sympathetic smile.
“Oh Mike, it’s not that easy,” I said in a panicked rushed breath. I knew I had to do it, but it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified, shaking in my boots...literally.
“G...I know that, but..but it’s not rocket science.”
“Fucking hell Mikey...what would you know. You’ve never had to do this, you...you don’t know anything,” I yelled with angst, my cheeks scalding with anger as heat boiled to my skin, crowding my face as I threw my hands up and stormed off.
“Gerard!” my brother called rushing over to me and grasping his hands on my shoulders soothingly. “I’m sorry ...you’re right I don’t know anything . I’m sorry,” he apologised then enveloped me in his arms, cushioning him around me, giving me a soft secure hug.
“I’m sorry too,” I confessed as my head buried further into his collar bone. “I’m just scared,” I continued. Honestly, all of it scares me. You have to be prepared for rejection and acceptation. I mean fuck what do I do then...for both sides?
“If only I was you,” I sulked, following-on to him snapping his head up, the hug slowly separating. He craned his head down to me, being slightly taller, and myself hutched and like always, pathetic, as he looked shocked.
“What?” he questioned baffled.
“You...you are just so confidant, smart, funny, nice, and awesome, you’re just great,”
“And you don’t think you are all that too...and better? I can be a dam right brick,” Mikey said with a knowing expression with his hands hooked onto his hips as he argued this point.
“Mikey,” I said with a blank expression. “You’re a walking dictionary.”
“He sniggered “Ok” he said sarcastically brushing it off.
“Look now irrigant...”he began until I burst out laughing. “What?” he asked baffled with hands raised.
“Irrigant ?” I repeated laughing, “Now that’s a knee slapper,” I howled not able to stop giggling.
“What?” Mikey snapped like a little kid.
“Ha-ha it’s ignorant,” I corrected, feeling a whole lot better about myself, and believing his ‘I can be a damn right brick’ statement a little more.
“That’s what I said,” he replied, his face confused.
He can be so sarcastic sometimes. How the fuck he can keep a straight face... unless he really is a brick?
“Yes yes...what was you saying anyway?” I asked.
“Oh yes...before I was rudely interrupted,” he snapped in a teasingly way raising an eyebrow eyeing me.
“You need to stop doing that,” I informed.
“And you need to go get Frank and tell him what you’re made of and tell him that Romy kissed you.”
“I know...Damn, shame we couldn’t be twins eh,” I replied.
“Gerard...get in there,” he pointed and shoved me towards the toilet door where Frank was.
I stood shaking, raising my hand feverishly ready to knock on the door when the door immediately swung open revealing Frank, my face turned from nerves to guilt and sympathy as I saw his angelic face. I could see the pain and raw agony that glowed in his eyes that he tried so hard to conceal.
Does that mean he likes me?
What! are you on drugs again? Look at him he hates your guts.
Hey, I’m off them now and he did storm off upset when he saw Romy kissing me.
Yeah well...i am going now.
My dreadful voice doubting and taunting me in my head vanished and so did Frank. I shook my head stopping my blurry gaze and chased after him.
“Frank wait!” I shouted after him as he zoomed off out of reach.
He just kept running and running, speeding around the corners and further out of reach. He was clear in my view just not clear in my reach, every time I leapt further to catch him, so close I could grasp his sweet caramel scent that sends me wild but that was all I could reach from his trail.
“What then...you want me to wait for you so you can lie to me...again?” he spoke, his voice strained and broken.
“No I won’t,” I breathed. “ I...need to talk to you Frank... please!” I called between puffs.
He then suddenly came to a halt that led us by the pool where the party was mainly kicking off, turning around to come face to face with me as my body couldn’t stop my incontrollable uncoordinated feet bashing against each other. I couldn’t stop, I just kept going and that’s when I stumbled out of control and stumbled into him.
A/N: aahhh I know I know cliff-hanger again soooooooooooo sorry I have been working so hard and everything it’s just been mad I really hope you like this, I will try my hardest to get them up quicker its just so hard I have so much to do and I’m also a granny so yeah...lol I will do my very best cuz I love you all and you are all great :) love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx