Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

If Gerard Way Was a Preacher

by RunAwayWithMe 7 Reviews

Funny story. "I always knew he was a flamer. And what a shame, too. Such a sexy little fellow."

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Gerard Way - Published: 2011/11/01 - Updated: 2011/11/03 - 721 words

He walked into the church, dressed all in black other than his white collar that all priest wear. His radioactive red hair messy and un-kept. He held his bible under his arm, as he took to the front of the red and black church. "First, we will sing." He announced, gesturing with his hands that the congregation should rise. He began the song, everybody singing along with him.

Well, I know a thing about contrition
Cause I've got enough to spare
And I'll be granting your permission
Cause You haven't got a prayer

And I say hey, hallelujah
I'm gonna come on sing the praise - "WAIT! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" He screamed in an unpleasantly high pitched voice when ne noticed somebody in the back wasn't singing.
"Somebody isn't singing the praise. Why aren't you singing the praise? If you don't sing the praise, the sprit won't come on through you." He stopped only to take a quick breath. "And if the spirit doesn't come on through you, you won't have innocence for days. And do you know what happens if you don't have innocence for days? You'll burn in HELL!" His voice was even more high pitched and distorted by the time he finished, and his face was as red as his hair.

This poor, unfortunate soul was literally shaking in his Doc Martins. "I don't wanna sing the praise."

Gerard lost it. I mean he came unhinged. Flipped his shit. He was a spewing, red faced, mess.

"Then what the fuck are you doing in a church?" The entire church gasped.
"Oh, shut up." He waves a dismissive hand in their general direction.
"Ya missed communion, I ain't feedin' ya. So why're here if you're not gonna sing the praise?" This guy in the back of the church stutters and stammers, at a complete loss as what to say. He just didn't want to sing, why couldn't he just pray? He was afraid to say anything that could possibly set off this seemingly mentally unbalanced man-boy, though.

"Never mind. Open your bibles, people. Lets get this show on the road." His phone buzzed quietly in his pocket and he opened it, reading a message from his basketcase of a brother, Mikey.

gee i just saw a unicorn. im gonna name it cotton. can i keep it gee?

Gerard only rolled his eyes.

unicorns aren't real. take your medicine, mikey.

Mikey replied with:

fine. you're no fun, gee-gee. and unicorns are real.

He heaved an exasperated sigh. How many times had they been over this?

mikey, if unicorns were real, the would be in the bible. i gotta go, we'll talk about this later. bye xo

kay gee. i love you. your the best, seriously

He put his phone away before anyone caught him texting. "You too, I love you, too." He mumbled to himself, only he didn't realize he said it into the microphone.

"Huh?" several people asked. All around the church, people were confused.

"I'm just talkin' to God. He said he loves me." He brushed it off nonchalantly, then as an after thought he added: "Oh yeah, and that he's pissed at you for not singing the praise."

That guy looked pretty freaked out.

"So where were we? Okay right here, it says..." He trailed off reading the part where it said you shouldn't be gay, his eyes widening in horror as he thought about Frank.

"Oh shit, I'm screwed." He muttered, not caring who heard.
He slammed the bible shut, took a step back, and raised his hands as if he was being held at gunpoint. "I'm out." He announces, completely seriously. He walks down the isle, and out of the church without another word, leaving the congregation and choir both gasping.

Just as the door slams, he hears some old lady go "I always knew he was a flamer. And what a shame, too. Such a sexy little fellow."

He never walked back in that church again...


So I had an old account but took the stories down. I was reading through the stories and decided to re-post some of them. So if this seems at all fimialr, that's why. I hope you like it. Please R&R and let me know if you want me to re-post any more of my old stories.
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