"The Way brother's will be the death of me."
It is almost like a new level of healing, another would below the larger one that I’d forgotten about. It has been buried underneath while the other one took up all the healing. This other wound had been abandoned and forgotten but it still needed healing as well and now that it finally has been I feel the larger wound is healing as well.
Saying that I don’t want to have sex with Frank would be a lie…I do. We already have once and it was amazing. Sure, I’m assuming it was better cause it was my first time and with Frank but I want to be close to him. I know I want to be close to him in that way I’m just not sure I’m ready for it yet. I know Frank will never hurt me and I know that he loves me. I’d be giving myself to him willingly. I’m also fully aware that sex will bring back memories…bad memories, painful memories. Through the help of my therapist I came to understand that being afraid to have sex is not unnatural for people who have been raped. Frank understands this too, he doesn’t want sex to be scary for me…he wants it to be special.
All the thinking causes me to become drowsy. I’m just starting to doze off when I hear the faint sound of the trashcans hitting up against the house. My eyes spring open in time to see Frank sliding the window open. When he pokes his head in my heartbeat picks up pace. He lays eyes on me and smiles. I return it as he climbs into my room, shutting the window behind him.
I remain quiet as I watch Frank kicks off his shoes and takes his hoddie off. He is shivering. It is cold outside. As Frank climbs into my bed I move my turtle so that I can wrap my arms around him in attempt to warm my boyfriend up. Frank shivers quietly for a few minutes before touching my face and kissing me. My heart beats becomes frantic.
“You have no idea how relieved I am to be able to do that,” Frank says once he finally pulls away. I answer by wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him again.
Frank wasn’t lying when he said I wouldn’t get much sleep. We stay up for a long time, mostly kissing. Sometimes we take a break to talk about memories and how relieved he is that he can finally tell me how much he loves me. Frank also apologizes for the Devlin thing. He explains that he now realizes what a mistake their relationship was. He tells me that he never really loved her…Frank dated Devlin because she was easy and asked him out. It’s explained that he wanted me but never thought it would happen. Frank tells me that he used to look at me the way a kid looks at a movie star they admire. His exact words on the matter were, “I would do anything to love her, but keep dreaming kid.”
I still can’t see how this is at all possible. Devlin exists in a world along with those people that have perfect proportioned bodies and features. She is the kind of girl that would get stopped in the coffee shop by casting directors. Next thing you know she is in a hit movie and it’s all because she’s got a pretty face and large boobs. I am the kind of girl that normally get’s over looked because I’m not proportioned. I have big eyes, an oversized upper lip, a ring in my nose and boobs that barely just graduated to a B cup.
Frank says I have the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen. He informs me that my upper lip is his favorite feature of mine. He then proceeds to kiss me a bunch of times, nibbling on my lip. Frank says I have the most kissable lips in the world. Due to the fact Frank has a nose ring he likes mine cause we match. As he kisses my hand, Frank explains that he likes my breasts because they are a perfect handful each. Then he says I have the most amazing body he’s ever seen and that he never forgot the way I looked naked.
“You’ve changed since then though,” he says.
We spend some more time making out before I fall asleep in his arms. This is probably one of the best nights of sleep I’ve gotten in a long time. I feel safe and protected. I have Frank right next to me, Mikey and Gerard in the next room. For once my heart is free of worries. Sure, my dreams are still dark and scary but I know that if I wake up I have someone to hold me and cuddle and keep me safe.
In the morning, I wake up and the first thing Frank does it kiss me. I don’t mind all the kissing. In fact I quiet like it. Gerard walks in while Frank is hovering over me. Gee clears his throat causing Frank to turn his attention to the door. I peek out from under him
“Breakfast is ready, lovebirds,” Gerard says with a smile.
“We’ll be there in a minute,” Frank informs him.
“A minute is all it takes…watch where you put those hands.”
“My hands are right here.”
Frank lifts his hands up to show Gerard that they are above the blankets and not touching me anywhere my cousin would deem inappropriate. Not that Gee would think for a second Frank would stick his hands in my pants. My cousin is just trying to establish his authority or something like that.
“Gerard, shut the fuck up,” I giggle.
He grins at me, “Hurry up.”
Then Gerard shuts the door, leaving us along. Frank looks down at me, smiling.
“He is such a cock blocker,” Frank says.
“You weren’t going to get any anyway.”
“Doesn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying it,” he answers.
“You have a situation.”
Frank laughs, “You can feel it?”
I nod causing Frank to go pink, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s kind of… flattering.”
“Oh my God Amber. It’s so fucking embarrassing.”
I laugh and kiss him again.
“You’re not helping.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Tease,” he whispers slowly. I stop. Garry called me that…he said that’s the reason he rapes me.
After a second I kiss Frank knowing he’s just messing with me. I bite his lip as the door is pushes open. I kissed him again and bit his lip. A few minutes later we were once again interrupted when Mikey opened the door.
“Oh God,” Mikey says before looking away. “This is going to take some getting used to. Um…Gerard sent me up here because he said if he has to see you make out with Amber one more time he’s going to have to kick your ass. Get out of the bed. Breakfast is ready. Your hands better be where I can see them.”
“Jesus, my hands are right fucking here.”
Frank lifts his hands again to show Mikey that they are right where they should be.
“That’s just what he told me to say. Get the fuck downstairs. He said if he has to come back up here he’s going to take the hose to you.”
Frank salutes my cousin so Mikey closes the door. My boyfriend looks at me and sighs.
“The Way family is going to be the death of me.”
“You and I both, buddy.”
“I suppose we should go down there before they go through with their threats.”
“What about your situation?”
“Stop kissing me and maybe it will go away.”
I smirk, kissing him one more time before hopping out of bed.
“I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Frank salutes me. When I come back from the bathroom his situation is taken care of. Now that we’re both ready for breakfast we walk down the stairs and into the kitchen…the both of us wearing smiles.
Note: enjoy :)