This is what they're talking about. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I know exactly what i have. What i have left of him anyway. I'm sitting outside a dimly lit room in an intensive care unit. He had hit a vein with the blade. He was literally seconds away from leaving me forever. How could he do that? Didn't he know that i needed him? He must know that.
I pull out my cell phone. 22 missed calls from the woman i thought i once loved. 4 missed calls from my concerned little brother. Sophia always called on Mikey when i didn't pick up to her. He had a soft spot for her, saw her like the sister he never had. Plus, they were friends way before any relationship grew between me and her. I couldn't call back. Not yet anyway. I was all choked up, left speechless and shocked by tonight's events. We were content earlier today. I was actually genuinely happy for the first time in months and now, i've hit the very bottom. Kissing the dirty ground.
Didn't he know that if he went down, the deal was i go too? Didn't he know that his life was worth mine multiplied by a hundred thousand? He'd never been told that. He'd never been shown that either. What a misjustice that had been. And now, because of them ruining him and bringing him to his knees and me being too pathetic to realise you don't fall in love in twenty four hours, he was here. And he could be dying. I shouldn't have fallen so fast. Maybe he knew. Maybe that sent him off the edge. He was fragile when he came to me, frail and in need of affection and love. The things i craved and resented Sophia for depriving me of. I resented everyone for depriving me of those essentials. My parents, Sophia, even Mikey from time to time. Never though, was it my Grandmother.
Maybe that makes it sound as though she's left us now, but she's still with us thankfully. Grandma Elena, my saviour, my confidante, my world. When i was a teenager i went through some bad spells. I was beaten up almost every day, sometimes to the point i could barely stand up the next morning. It killed me that i was so hated, i didn't even know why. I was a little bit bigger then than what i am nowadays, but nobody ever gave me a reason for me being so despised. I would have been liked more if i was Satan. All through this time, my Mother was beside herself. She had no idea how to handle it and she told me as well as herself that it would die down eventually. I think the fact it hurt me so much meant she was hurting over it too, so we built up an illusion that all would be over soon enough. Dad? He was no support. His job was in deep water then so he was stressed to death and working his ass off to keep us in a house with heating and electricity, he always told me i should stand up for myself. Stand tall and stop being so girly about it all. He used to lose his temper alot over the matter. And dear, sweet little Micheal, well his advice was Flip them off and fucking run for your life! Oh little brothers.
Mr Way? The doctor came outside to me, snapping me out of my reminiscing. I glance up at him hoping for the best. He lost an awful lot of blood sir. I gulped. No, please. It wasn't going to happen was it? It just couldn't? But... i breathed a sigh of relief and my tears turned to those of pure joy. We carried out a blood transfusion and he responding in the best possible way. He's had a lucky escape. The friendly doctor smiled. I do however, strongly suggest you get him some help for his problems. He was clearly struggling to deal with things. He also appears to be malnourished and his body is covered in marks The doctor said raising an eyebrow. Yeah, i know. He got into this.....fight..... a few days ago. I lie, not wanting them to involve the police. I wasn't letting anyone take him away. I had already nearly lost him once, there was no way it would happen again. Not in a million years.
Ouch! It really hurt. My arms felt heavy. I couldn't move, i couldn't speak. I could feel though. I could feel someone's eyes on my titchy,scrawny frame. I felt humiliated. I must have fainted or something. How awkward will that make things now? A walking disaster sums me up just perfect. I hear someone clear their throat with one small cough. And then the room is filled with a magical aura. A medicine. A mystery.
If there's a place that I could be,
Then I’d be another memory
Can I be the only hope for you?
Because you’re the only hope for me
And if we can find where we belong,
We’ll have to make it on our own.
Face all the pain and take it on
Because the only hope for me is you
If i could open my eyes or speak right now i know what i would answer without a single shadow of a doubt.
You are the only hope for me already, just wait and see.
You never know how quickly things can change.
I was terrified you were like everyone else i'd ever known just hours ago,
And now, i'm not afraid to say that after just a few gestures and a little bit of time
I love you.