Can anybody save Ray from the darkness before it's too late
enjoy.. please r&r, id really appreciate it
never let them take you alive
I stared into the mirror to see the horrifying look of a 'better of dead faggot'.
I hated myself. I'm a disgrace, Not worth anything. 'A failure to life' as my parents told me as they left forever. I dont balme them, who could love a thing like me.
I was the only one in the group who was out of love. Mikey had Alicia, Bob had Dakota and i think Gee's with.. um.. Frank. God i'm such an idiot. I loved Frank, i had done for ages, but as i said who could love a thing like me, it's just impossible. I walked to my bed and lay there, after putting on a cd, listening to Black Flag. I spent the next few hours re-living the names i get called.... 'emo freak'... 'slitter'... 'blade lover'...'Faggot boy'. The constant words cutting through me like a thousand knives: 'go die'.... 'un-loveable'... 'shamefull'. That was only a handful of the heart tearing words i had spat me.
The times i was beaten by my own parents as i grew up. My father whipping me with his belt, Raping me since i was young. The images of him thrusting into me, making me suck him off then leaving me tied to a bed naked and covered in blood, sweat and cum... all those times my Mother laughed through the pain i was caused. The scars, many not physical but mentally still stay with me.
After thinking this through i had finally cam to the decision that i should listen to wht others told me, and leave this life... disappear and never come back.
I was ament to meeting up with the guys to day, i wasn't sure if i should or not. I don't know if i could see them before i go... what if it changes my mind...I'll figure it out later.
I hauled myself of my worn out bed and over to my broken wardrobe. After searching through i pulled out some skinnies, my Ramones tour top, Black hoodie and my beaten Doc Martins. I slipped on the top and jeans, i decided that i needed a belt as my skinnies continued to slip down. Rummaging through a draw i found my black and green studded belt and my black and red one. Threading one of the belts through the hooks on my skinnies, i pulled it as tight as it should go but it stil wasn't tight enough. I pulled it as tight as i needed and peirced a whole through. I puit on the other belt and let it dangle at the back so that it wouldn't look too strange as i didn't usually wear a belt. I walked over to the mirror to check the state of me. I was a horrendous sight, my skinnies were no longer skinnies, my top was extremly baggy making me look even fatter than i already was. My face looked dull pale and lifeless.
I sighed and heaved on my Doc Martins and hoodie. I trudge over to my bathroom and slowley open a draw in the far corner. Taking a deep breath i let out a heavy sigh. I take out my old shining friend. Crimson patches stain the sharpened sides. Pulling out my phone i hastely took of the back and put my little friend inside. I put my phone back together and headed out, grabbing headphones and some money on the way.
After walking outside into the outside world, the heat from the sun hit me like a brick. The pavment infront of me smoked as the rays of light warmed the surface. Steam floated up from the floor and instantly evapourated as soon as the light caught sight of it. I began to head down the street as my phone began to vibrate in my pocket, i reluctantly answered it.
"hello" i mumbled down the phone.
"hey, it's Mikey, were meeting at the tree"
"okay, see you in 15 minutes" i groaned
"dude, you okay? you don't seeem yourse..."
"I'm fine Mikey! Bye!" I snapped at him as i hung up and continued the trek down the street.
Well i successfully blew up the toaster....... again. Thats the forth time this month. Gee's not gonna be a happy bunny when he finds out. I think it's an early death for me..... I must be like a super cat cause Gee's killed more than once, and kats have 9 lives..... WOW i have awesome powers!!!! hahaha
But seriously all i did was put a pop tart in the toaster and when the toaster went POP, i tried to get my pop tart out but it snapped in half and the other half would have been lonely on it's own and i couldn't get it out..... hinestly the fork was the closest thing to me, so i gave it ago, then it all went BOOM, and umm... yeah.... Come on what would you do.... yeah don't answer that one.
"MICHAEL JAMES WAY"
Uh Oh.... im in BIG trouble now.....
"Hello my brother, who is totally amazing and i love you so much.... but your about to kill me... no?"
"Toaster... again?" he shook his head in disappointment..
"nooooooo, Sparkles did it.. honest!" i said as i attempted an innocent look.
"Mikey.. unicorns do not blow up toasters and electricut themselves.... now out, and your banned from the next toaster we get!!!"
He put his hands on my shoulders and shoved me out the kitchen.
"but Gee, i want my coffee and pop tart" and my reply was...??? The door being slammed in my face..
"I'll come back later then..."
I turned around and headed up the creaking stairs and into my room.
I was quite proud of my room to be honest. It was blood red with band posters smothering the walls. A desk ion the corner covered in make-up, straightners, hair products and endless CD's. A CD player (of course) on my window shelf. My most pride belonging, my Bass, standing proud in the far corner. A simple bed against the back wall and a overloaded, broken and exploaded wardrobe at the side.
I dropped on my bed and stared at the ceiling as it stared back at me. I was trying to have a staring contest with it.... untill i realised ceilings don't have eyes! I took my phone out of my pocket and text Gerard cause i couldn't be arsed to get another door slammed in my face.
'Gee, where we meeting the guys?'
I put my phone down and waited for a reply. Just before i could take another breath my phone vibrated on me.
'You lazy sod, it was at the park, but now its at the tree. Frank and Bob know... tell Ray for me.'
And he had the cheek to call me lazy.. To be honest, were both as bad as each other.
I sighed heavily and headed to my overloaded wardrobe. I found my iron maiden top, skinnies, hoodie and converses. After searching more i found my belt, i swear if i searched any further i would of found Narnia.! I scrambled to get changed and ran downstairs to find Gee waiting impatiently for me. After arguing with him about taking forever to get changed and whether it was my fault or not that the toaster blew up, we headed for the tree.
When we reached the park, only Frank and Bob were there, where was Ra..... Damn it, i was ament to tel him. I quickly whipped out my phone and called Ray.
"hey, It's Mikey, were meeting at the tree"
"okay, see you in 15 minutes" He sighed.
Ray really didn't sound himself. He sounded upset and angry, which isn't like him, he's always happy and hyper, kinda like Frank... okay maybe not that bad..
"Dude, you okay? you don't seem yours....." i attempted to ask.
"I'm fine Mikey, Bye!" he shouted then hung up.
What had i done? i was only concerned. I started to get a bit worried, he's never... ever like that. I ran over to the others as fast as my body would take me, too see what they all thought.
After Mikey told us about Ray, i looked round to see the others looking shocked. Rays never acted like this in all the time i've known him. I checked my phone briskly, 5 minutes till Ray should be here. We sat around talking about the Iron Maiden concert coming up so Ray wouldn't get annoyed about us talking about him, but Frank seemed distant from the conversation. Minutes passed and Ray still hadn't turned up. Frank was getting more fidgety as time passed by. Eventually we saw Ray heading down.... Only it wasn't towards he was heading towards to woods.
Frank stood up and looked at us.
"um, i'll be back in a minuete"
I nodded and watched him head over to the woods also. We all knew that Frank had a crush on Ray, like a major crush. He had for over a year now. We all told him to tell Ray, but Frank didn't want to get hurt or upset Ray. He was scared. I think Frank knows something that he hadn't told the rest of us...
Strange. How come Ray didn't come over to us. He looked really upset, like he'd been crying. I hope Frank can cheer him up and get him to come to us. I knew Ray had problems to deal wiht, but i didn't know how bad. He was always strong. He was like glue, he held our group together through tough times. He took on everyone else's problems. We never really thought about Ray's problems. He never really showed a sad side, until today. I hope he's okay.....
I headed over the field to reach the woods to see if i could find Ray. I took ages to cross the muddy grass, to reach the darkness of the tree field area. When i reached the woods, i entered the bewilderness worried. I looked round to see i fi could see him. I couldn't, so i headed to the bridge to see if he was near there. I reached the broken bridge to find that Ray wasn't there, but his Hoodie was... I grabbed his hoodie and ran through the river to find him. I reached the clearing in the centre of the woods. I glared round to find my precious friend. Thats when i remembered the tree that he told me he liked to sit at, draw, sing and just think about everything. I remembered the route to get there and headed for it. I counted 4 trees infront, 8 to the left, then 2 infront and 6 to the left again, and sure enough he was there. His body sitting on the floor, back facing me, screaming and shouting coming from that direction. I ran to him and gasped at the sight i saw. He was sitting there top-less. I could see every individual rib. His beautiful body covered in scars, some old, some healing and most fresh. I walked further round to try and see his face. He was looking at his arms, slowley he was draggin a razor blade across his arm, now a blood stained canvas. He was about to head to were his main artery lay inbed in his arm, when i grabbed the razor of him and threw it too the ground.
"i'm here baby"
"b.baby..?" he mumbled
"ray, i need to tell you, before my hert explodes. I love you ray, i have done for a long time, but i didn't know if you felt the same way" i blushed
"i..i do, but.. yo...you can't love me, no...noone loves, a thing like... m....me" he began to cry, i gently wiped them off his red face.
"is that wht you think?" i was shocked at what he thought.
"yes, i've be... been told it too... my parents raped, beat, and left me... i'm no... nothing" he cried more.
"they did that.... Ray, i love you, more than you'll ever know" I began to cry myself.
"I lo...oove you to...too" he smiled abit " frankie"
"yes babe?" i whispered as i hugged him.