FicWad

Weeks were passing by in a hazy blur for Frank as he slept the days away and spent the nights panning frantically for as much gold as he could get. He had food waiting for him each time now, but where it had started as stews and other such substantial meals he was starting to get simple things like hunks of bread, cheese and apples, strewn about the river bank. He was confused by this but didn’t grumble, food was food at the end of the day.

Ben was determined to keep providing for Frank but it was getting difficult. He had started to notice Sam watching him a lot, and he realised after only a couple of nights that the older man was following him. Because of this he was unable to take things like stews to Frank, instead he had to settle for hiding anything he could inside his clothes in the morning before he went panning. Every day there was some sort of fight at the river over the best spots and Sam often got involved in this scuffles, so whenever that happened and people were distracted Ben would throw food across the river to the place where he knew Frank came to. It was risky and he would often be panning with a frantically racing heart afterwards but it was the best he could do.

He was worried though that it wasn’t enough. He desperately wanted to sneak out in the middle of the night when Sam would be in the arms of one of the whores and everyone would be merrily drinking in the tavern. Sneak to the river and perhaps speak to Frank face to face. He wanted so badly to make sure he was okay but he was nervous that his presence would frighten the younger man like it had the first time, and he assumed Frank must be in a delicate state enough as it was right now.

If only he had a reason to go over there. Something that couldn’t be avoided. But he had no such reason, so he settled for throwing food across the river every day in the hopes that it would somehow be at least a little comfort to the outcast.

One day though, as he was collecting his mail from the little wooden box positioned at the front of the town, he finally found an excuse to go see Frank.

It had been a little under three months since Gerard had left, and waiting inside the town’s post box was a letter addressed to Frank. Ben stared at it with wide eyes for a moment before quickly stuffing the letter inside his jacket. He gathered his mail and then walked away casually, his heart racing where the thin, cheap envelope rested against it.

When he got back to his cabin he closed the curtains and sat down to some candlelight, pulling the envelope from his clothes and gazing with parted lips at the neat, italic handwriting on the front. Was it from Gerard? Or Frank’s family? He wanted badly to believe it was from Gerard, he knew that would be a great comfort to Frank. The two men had been good friends when Gerard had been here, a letter must make Frank feel better.

Ben knew it had to be given to Frank, but he couldn’t just take it to the other side of the river and leave it there. For a start it might blow away, but he supposed he could weigh it down with a rock or something. But then that would mean needing to cross the river and with Sam on his tail for the majority of the time the only time he could take it across was late at night when Frank would be there anyway. And there was no way he could throw it across, it would flutter in the wind and maybe end up in the river and then lost forever.

No, he would simply have to take it to Frank in person.

Ben put the letter back in his shirt and moved to the fire to make a stew to take with him too. Sam should be in the tavern by that point so he’d be free to go across the river without being seen, and deep down, he was excited and relieved to be able to see Frank at last. He had been so worried about him it would be good to finally find out how he was doing.

>X<

Frank came down the hill at his usual time, a soft breeze ruffling his hair. He was in a sort of good mood that day, despite everything. He supposed he had a lot to be positive about. He wasn’t dead yet, for a start. He was able to go down to the river and pan every night and he was starting to get a lot of gold. He was also being fed every night which was wonderful, and no one had seen him yet. Things were going, considering his situation, extremely well.

With a small smile on his chapped lips Frank strolled towards the river, his pan in hand. He wondered what culinary delights he’d get tonight, he was hoping it would be something a little more exciting than bread again, but really it didn’t matter as long as he had food. As he approached the river though, something caught his eye and made him stop dead in his tracks.

He could see the silhouette of a person stood by the river at the spot he usually panned at. His blood instantly ran cold and he gasped softly, his heart picking up in its pace and making him breathless. Oh God... Someone had found him?
“Frank?” A soft, familiar voice called, making Frank stay still rather than turning and running like he was considering doing. He remained tense though, his legs ready to propel his body back the way he had came if the person made any sudden movements.
“Frank – please don’t be afraid. It’s me, Ben. I’m here to help you.” The person called softly, Frank gazing around with frantic, frightened eyes, trying to see if there was anyone else present but after a moment or two he decided it was only Ben.

“I have a letter for you...” Ben added hopefully when Frank didn’t run. He bit his lip and gazed at the dark form that was the younger man as he waited to see what he would do. He still seemed uncertain, but after an agonizing minute he began to move forward. Hesitantly at first, but then with more speed as he gained courage.

“A letter?” Frank croaked, his voice hoarse and barely audible he hadn’t used it in so long and he blushed as he cleared his throat. He wasn’t sure whether he could trust Ben or not yet, despite how he would have been dead long ago without him. But the mention of a letter had meant that there was no way he could bring himself to leave now. That letter could be from Gerard.

“Yes... It came today.” Ben said softly, producing the letter from inside his shirt and holding it out towards Frank as he approached.

Frank gazed with hopeful eyes at the letter in Bens hand and began to move with more purpose towards him, eager to take the letter from him. Once he was about a foot away he hesitated, moving his eyes up to Ben’s face and staring at him intently as he lunged forward and snatched the letter from his palm.

Ben kept perfectly still as Frank struck, not surprised by his frightened and skittish movements. He was like a wary animal and so Ben only smiled softly as Frank stood back and cradled the letter to his chest. He still hadn’t moved his eyes from Ben’s face, studying his features and trying to psyche him out. So this was the man who had been helping him all this time. Of course he had seen him before but it felt somehow different now after everything.

“I brought you some stew...” Ben said softly after an agonising minute of silence. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to bring you anything like this for a while. Sam was watching me.” He added quietly, gazing at Frank with big, innocent eyes as he waited to see if the younger man would run or not. He hoped he wouldn’t, he wanted for him to trust him.

“Sam?” Frank repeated, his voice suddenly full of shock and he took a quick step back, Ben biting his lip as he realised he must have said something wrong. “But then how do you know he isn’t watching you now!?” Frank gasped, staring around frantically again, half expecting the disgusting man to appear from out of the darkness but there was no one.

“He’s in the tavern.” Ben said gently, putting the stew pot onto the ground and biting his lip as he looked at Frank. “Please Frank, don’t be afraid. I wouldn’t bring any harm upon you, I want to help you.”

“Help me...” Frank repeated uncertainly, still gazing about before slowly looking at Ben again. He was trembling still but he was starting to relax, coming to terms with the fact that Ben really was here to help him and that there was no one else around. “I... I’m sorry. You just... took me by surprise, being here.” He said quietly, Ben nodding and biting his lip.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t think of any other way to get the letter to you.” He said as soothingly as he could.

For a long moment Frank just stared at him, an agonising minute passing in dead silence. Eventually though Ben cleared his throat and suggested perhaps Frank would like to eat now and the younger man hesitated for just a second before nodding and slowly sitting down.

“I was nervous about coming to see you.” Ben said gently as he lifted the lid off the stew pot and handed Frank a spoon. The younger man looked at him in surprise and slowly started eating, never taking his eyes off Ben as he leaned back on his elbows.

“Why would you be nervous about seeing me?” Frank asked round a mouthful of food, the deliciously warm stew relaxing him instantly. It felt like forever since he had eaten something as good as this and he even dared to take his eyes off Ben as he scooped up some more and shovelled it into his mouth.

Ben smiled warmly at how eagerly Frank ate his stew, relieved to see that the smaller man was more relaxed now.

“Oh I dunno... I was scared I’d frighten you I suppose. But I’ve been so worried about you; I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He shrugged, Frank looking at him thoughtfully as he chewed slowly. To think that Ben had been so worried about him shocked him somewhat, but then he supposed it should have been obvious that the man cared otherwise he wouldn’t have been helping him all this time.

“Well... I’m okay... Thanks to you.” He said softly, eating some more and almost moaning in delight. It felt so good to get some hot food and he was actually grateful for the company too. It had been so long since he’d had any company, so long since he’d been able to talk to someone... He was almost surprised he could remember how to talk at all.

“Thank you, by the way. If it hadn’t been for all this food you’ve been bringing me I’d be long dead by now.”

“Well... It’s been my pleasure.” Ben said with a soft smile, his cheeks even going a little pink. He was so happy that Frank was pleased, and it felt amazing to finally look at the man and confirm that he was getting by. He was finding it hard, that much was obvious. He was terribly skinny and his hands were constantly shaking, probably due to lack of food and water. His hair was matted and had grown past his shoulders now, and he had a beard growing pretty long. Ben wondered if Frank even realised. He seemed fairly oblivious to it. In fact, the only thing that hadn’t grown too long were his nails, and Ben realised Frank must sit and chew them a lot they were so short.

“Frank... I have to ask you... Why are you still here? Why didn’t you just go home when Sam had you chased from the town?” Ben asked after a small, comfortable silence.

Frank paused in his eating but not for long; soon the rumbling of his stomach had him attacking the stew once again whilst he considered his answer. For the past month or so he hadn’t really thought about the night he had ran away, it was too painful to think about it and he had much more important things to worry over, like his panning. Now though he looked at Ben with tired, dulled eyes as he shrugged.

“I didn’t have much choice.” He finally decided, scraping his spoon round the edges of the stew pot to gather up every last morsel. “I couldn’t just go home like that-” Frank snapped his fingers for emphasis. “I’d have had to wait for a wagon to take me to the next town and if anyone saw me or anyone in the wagon recognised me I’d have been hanged... Plus, I can’t go home until I have the gold I need.”

Ben sighed and bowed his head, nodding his understanding. Of course it was only obvious now Frank had said it that his getting home was going to be difficult, Ben just hadn’t considered it before. It made him feel sick thinking about it, as if this man hadn’t gone through enough... though, Ben wasn’t entirely sure what had happened that night three months ago. But when he looked at Frank’s lifeless eyes he decided he didn’t want to know, he didn’t want to hear what Sam had done to leave Frank like this. Ben had heard enough horror stories about that man as it was.

“So... How are you gonna get home when you do have the gold you need?” He asked instead, Frank shrugging and eating the last remnants of the stew.

“I don’t know. I’ll worry about that when the time comes.” He said simply, Ben nodding and biting his lip.

“And when do you think that will be? How much more gold do you need?” He asked curiously, hoping that Frank didn’t think he was prying. He was just eager to know everything.

“I don’t know that either. I have no way of measuring it.” Frank sighed, growing gloomy as Ben just pointed out all the problems he was trying to ignore. The only plan he had at that moment was to take each day as it came. To pan every night and then hope that sooner or later a way out of the town would present itself. He didn’t want to worry about anything else because he’d already come to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do.

“Well...” Ben said softly after gazing at Frank for a moment, chewing his lip nervously. “Well I could always bring you some scales tomorrow night... So you can measure the gold. And then once you’ve got enough I can help you out of the town.” He suggested uncertainly, shrugging his shoulders to try and appear casual. He didn’t want Frank to feel like he was meddling or anything, but he just really wanted to help him.

Frank was silent as he stared at Ben, his jaw slowly dropping. For a minute he wondered if the older man was just joking, but as soon as he realised that Ben was being serious his heart skipped a beat.

“You... You would do that? Ben you don’t have to help me I... I shouldn’t ask so much of you.” He breathed, Ben scoffing and brushing his words away with a flick of his hand.

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s the least I could do. I mean... How else are you going to be able to get home? And I hate to see you having to live like this because of lies that Sam’s spreading. I want to help you Frankie.” He smiled warmly, gasping when Frank suddenly lunged at him and flung his arms around his neck.

“Oh God... Ben thank you! Thank you so much... I... I can’t even... You just... ugh!” Frank laughed at the absurdity of it all and hugged Ben tighter, his head growing hot and hazy from how happy he was. The thought of having someone from the town helping him, a man on the inside if you will, was just so important to him that he couldn’t say thank you enough.

Ben chuckled in slight surprise and smiled as he rubbed Frank’s back, pulling back after a while with blushing cheeks.

“Don’t mention it okay, I’m happy to help.” He smiled warmly and Frank thanked him again, blushing a little himself. His grin was big and for the first time in months he felt truly happy. He sat and talked to Ben quietly for a while, just telling him more about how he had been surviving though he was careful not to give any hints on his location in case Ben ever did turn out to be an enemy. Though he refused to believe that he was, it didn’t hurt to be careful.

Ben left Frank after about an hour, taking the stew pot with him and promising to bring some scales with him the next night. Frank thanked him again and watched as he crossed the river before he got busy panning. He had lost some time now from the chatting but his belly was full and he was in a much brighter mood than he had been in a long time; he had never really considered how lonely he had become and the knowledge that he’d be seeing Ben again tomorrow only made him happier. He was grateful not only for everything Ben was doing for him, but also for his company too. It was amazing how much just a simple thing like having a conversation could mean to Frank and he even whistled a little as he panned all night.

>X<

When Frank returned to the little cave the sun was just beginning to rise. He had walked up from the river just as the sky began to lighten, giving himself plenty of time to get back into hiding before people started making their way to the river. He used to find it interesting to watch them arriving in the first few weeks of his isolation, but now he ignored the comings and goings in the town just like he ignored the sun in his nocturnal existence.

That morning though he took his time in shimmying out of his clothes down to his underwear. The days were always so hot that he was able to sleep without his clothes, which made him feel a little cleaner, though he supposed it didn’t make much difference. He usually rushed to get unchanged and get to sleep, but this time Frank kept his pace leisurely, taking the envelope of his letter out of his shirt and laying it delicately beneath a small pebble so it wouldn’t blow away.

Once he was unchanged he sat up against the back wall of the cave and spread his legs out infront of him, his feet outside the cave so that the sun could warm his bare toes as he picked up the letter. Once the sun started rising here it came up quick and so as he opened the envelope he had just enough light to read by.

Frank’s heart was racing as he slowly pulled the cheap paper out of the envelope, eager to read what Gerard had said but also nervous. It felt like forever since he had left and Frank felt almost convinced that Gerard would only be writing to inform him that being at home had made him realise how much he in fact didn’t love Frank and never wanted to see him again. But that wasn’t enough to make him put the letter down, his heart beating wildly in his throat as he unfolded the paper and began to scan over the familiar italic scrawl of his lover.

To my Frankie,
I’ve finally made it back home now. It feels so good to be back in Jersey, seeing my family again is amazing. My mother is doing well and Mikey, well, Mikey is doing wonderfully now.
As soon as I got back we got the physician we were after down and I managed to pay him his full fees with the gold and even had some left over. Mikey was so very sick when I got back, I feared that even with all the gold he was not going to make it. But the physician has done more than I ever could have hoped for and Mikey is coming along great. It’s like a miracle Frankie, it really is. He isn’t perfectly healthy yet, but he is improving so much and so fast I have high hopes for him.
His daughter, Rose, has grown so much since I last saw her. She is the most precious thing, I hope you can meet her too someday, and of course Mikey’s wife Alicia too. I have told them all so much about you, they know I would not have got by in that place if it wasn’t for you and they long to meet you.
It feels so long since I saw you last and I ache to see you again my love. I hope that you are not finding it too hellish in Hangtown. I know how hard it was for me when I was alone but I do worry about you, I fear you will not be able to cope as well as I did. I pray that you have made some new friends, but I don’t hold onto that hope too much as I remember the men in that town too well.
I hope you can write me back soon Frankie, as I do worry much. Not a moment goes by when I am not thinking about you and I long to have you here. The feelings I had for you in that town I just know will be doubled once you are here and we are happy at last. You must be close to being able to come home now aren’t you? I have already started going to the docks most days to ask when the next ships from California will be getting in, so that if you happen to be on any of them I will see you. I promise I will be there waiting as each one comes in, I’ll wait for years if I have to. I’ll wait forever... just so long as one day I will see your smiling face on one of those ships.
I hope things are well for you, love. Keep working hard and you will be home soon, I know it. My bed feels cold and empty without you in it with me, I wonder if yours feels the same.
I pray for you often Frank. I have been going to church every week since coming home, thanking God for saving my brother and asking him to protect you also. I know that we are perhaps sinners, and maybe we are going to hell, or that’s what people would say if they knew. But you know something Frankie? I don’t think that God would care about our love for each other, for how could He not be pleased with how I feel for you? I think that He loves us as much as He loves anyone. Do you think so too? I hope so.
Write me soon my love, it would be great comfort to me to hear you are doing well.
I send all my love and my heart to you, please take care of it for it is yours for always.
Sealed with a kiss,
Gee.

Frank sighed as he slowly folded the letter back up and held it to his chest for a moment. Tears had started to drip down his cheeks as he read the letter over and over again, the last three lines even more so. A lump had risen in his throat and his heart hurt so much it was like it was breaking and yet he felt incredibly happy at the same time.

He was so glad that Gerard had managed to get home quick enough to save his brother and even happier still to read that Gerard still loved him more than ever. But it made him ache to go home more than ever before and he couldn’t wait to see Ben that night and get his gold weighed. At least then he could know how long it would be before he could return and maybe Ben would even bring him some paper and a pencil so he could write a letter back to Gerard.

It felt strange to think how Gerard had no clue of what was happening. Frank realised with a jolt of his stomach that Gerard must believe that he was still in their cabin, still eating every day and sleeping in their bed every night. God, what would he think if he knew the truth? Frank wouldn’t tell him if he got to write a letter back that was for sure, it would do no good to make him worry more.

Frank sighed and lay back on the hard stone floor, staring up at the cave roof with a shine to his eyes. It felt strange to have read Gerard’s letter, to imagine his gorgeous voice talking to him. It had been so long since he had seen him that a part of him had started to believe that he had only ever imagined him. Having his letter in his hands made him real again and it was a great comfort to Frank.

“Oh Gee...” He mewled softly, closing his eyes and imagining that his lover was with him. He gently put the letter into his bag to keep it safe and wrapped his arms around himself, pretending that it was Gerard holding him and imagining all the wonderful things he would say to him if he were here. He even allowed himself to think of how good it was going to be when he returned home, something he had refused to think about before due to how unlikely it was he would ever be returning at all. But with Ben helping him now he had renewed his determination to get out of here one day and he thought of how tight he was going to hold Gerard when he saw him again.

He might even kiss him, right there on the dock in front of everyone. God, those lips... Frank could remember how perfectly silky soft they had been and he slowly pouted his lips a little as if he would be able to feel Gerard’s against them in the silent cave.

Almost without thinking about it Frank began to slide his hand down his chest to his stomach, feeling his bones beneath his skin from how thin he had got. He imagined Gerard’s voice whispering in his ear that he needed to put some weight on, but that he was still beautiful anyway. He traced the lines of his ribs with his fingertips, thinking about how Gerard would probably follow the line with his lips, gentle and loving before moving up to suck on one of Frank’s nipples. Following this thought Frank’s hand moved up to circle one of the rosy nubs, almost as if Gerard was here and guiding him.

Frank hadn’t thought about sex or anything close since he had ran away. Why would he want to after what Sam had done to him? The last thing he had wanted to do was masturbate; but it had been months since then and well... a guy needs to give in at some point. And with Gerard’s letter fresh in his mind it was easy to picture his lovers beautiful face as his fingers rolled and pinched his nipple lightly.

“Mmph...” Frank sighed and closed his eyes as he tipped his head to the side, moving his knees up so he could plant his warm feet on the stone ledge outside the cave, tilting his hips a little as he teased one nipple and then the other with his calloused fingertips. His head was full of thoughts of Gerard and as he slid his hand back down his stomach it was the older man’s hand he was feeling.

Frank bit his lip and took a deep breath, shivering a little as he stripped of the last of his clothes to lye fully naked in the tiny cave. His cock was only just perking up with interest and he grasped the mostly soft length gently, not pumping his hand at first, just gently massaging his fingers over it as he imagined that Gerard was kissing him. Taking his time with him because it had been so long, and that they were doing this in a huge, beautiful bed somewhere far from here.

As he felt his shaft begin to swell and extend Frank started to draw his foreskin back, sliding it away from the head and scratching his nail ever so tenderly down his fraenulum. He shuddered a little and gasped, rolling his head to the other side and biting down hard on his lip as pleasure started to build properly and his erection grew to its full length.

His cock was throbbing already in anticipation of so long without any stimulation and Frank curled his fingers around the base. He was eager to feel the pleasure he knew he could cause and he pictured his lovers naked body in his head as he began to pump his hand up and down, slow at first but soon he was going faster and faster as he bucked his hips a little.

He didn’t pretend that he was having sex, or even that it was Gerard’s hand anymore. He didn’t think about the times he had had sex with Gerard or the times he hoped were to come, he merely held the image of the older man naked in his mind and tried to see how much he could remember of him.

He was thrilled to find that he still had the perfect memory of his lover and he moaned quietly as he tightened his grip on his length, rubbing his palm along the underside of his shaft as he pictured Gerard’s pale, smooth skin. His silky black hair and long eyelashes framing those beautiful, sparkling eyes he loved so much. He pictured his taught, lightly muscled torso and flat stomach. The way his belly dipped towards his crotch and the way his hipbones protruded just slightly from his skin. He bit his lip as he thought of those strong thighs and cute little ankles, turning his lover to think of his muscled back and ass. Frank loved Gerard’s shoulder blades, he supposed it was a strange part of the body to like but Gerard just had beautiful shoulders. And the line down his back was beautifully defined. And of then of course his butt was so small and pert Frank couldn’t help but moan as he thought about it.

Frank’s grip on his dick tightened, his hand moving faster as he swiped his thumb over the head and pressed hard against the slit. He gasped and groaned deep in his throat, bucking his hips again and feeling the first surge of pleasure that yanked insistently on his muscles. He could tell he wasn’t going to last long and he just didn’t care, he needed this relief.

He sighed and arched his head back, losing the image of his lover as he grew lost in his own pleasure, his body hot and his skin prickling. He could still hear Gerard’s voice in his head though, imagining all the filthy things Gerard would be whispering to him if he was here. He’d be telling him he was beautiful, Frank knew that, and he’d more than likely be telling him to cum, to let him hear it. Frank almost believed Gerard was here he could hear it so clearly.

“Oh God Gee...” Frank groaned, hissing as he dug his nail into the slit on the head of his erection, drawing out pre cum and smearing it down his length to lubricate his hand. He was so close his head was spinning and he leaked pre cum in copious amounts as he started to lose it.

“F – Fuck... Fuck... So good...” He groaned, pumping his hips in time to his hand as if he was thrusting up into someone, his cock throbbing with more pressure as the veins strained and his abdominal muscles clenched tight.

“Unnff... Ah!” He gasped, groaning loudly as he arched his back and curled his toes, scratching the nails into the stone floor as he released.

Cum spurted from the tip in long, pearly ropes that hit the floor in long splatters, Frank squeezing his shaft hard and slowly drawing his hand up to milk out every last drop, his body trembling as the sticky mess dripped over his fingers last and covered his hand.

“Ummph...” Frank slumped against the hard floor with a slow groan as he moved his hand weakly away from his softening penis and wiped his fingers against the floor in an attempt to get rid of the semen on them. He felt almost guilty and ashamed of himself, but also sated and content as he rolled onto his side and sighed softly.

The sun was shining brightly now and warming up the cave as Frank used his bundled up clothes as a pillow. His hipbone, ribs and shoulder were digging painfully into the stone floor but he barely even felt it, exhausted after his long night of panning and he had wasted the last of his energy in entertaining his fleeting fantasies; so it wasn’t long before he was snoring soundly in his sleep, dreaming for the first time about wonderful things like Gerard and not the night when Sam had tried to force his dick down his throat.

>X<

Ben was quiet as he panned at the river, ignoring the usual fights going on around him and pausing to look up at the hills surrounding the town every now and then. He wondered if Frank was up there somewhere, and what he’d be doing now. Probably sleeping, poor guy.

Ben couldn’t wait to go and see him again tonight. He had already checked when the next wagons out of this place were leaving and there was one at the end of the week, so he was hoping it would turn out Frank would have enough gold to leave then. Ben wasn’t sure how Frank would be able to travel back without any men noticing him but Ben was coming up with a few ideas and he couldn’t wait to talk to Frank about it.

“Hey Benjamin.” A gruff voice called, Ben growing tense as he turned to scowl at Sam.

“What?” He called back, the older man grinning at him, his gold tooth glinting.

“What’chu looking at?” He asked innocently, tilting his head towards the hills Ben had just been gazing at and making him blush deeply.

“I ain’t looking at anything, just day dreaming.” He shrugged as casually as he could before turning back to the river and ignoring Sam’s intense gaze as he kept panning. He really hoped Frank would be able to leave soon... things were too risky to keep things up for much longer. He knew that if Sam ever got any hint that Frank was in the area he would hunt him down, and if people knew that Ben had been helping him...

He’d be killed too.



Hey guys,
So I guess we can gather these updates are not gonna be particularly fast since my uni work is starting to get pretty big now so I have to start focussing on that. But if I follow to the plan in my head there’s not gonna be too many chapters left of this story, so please be patient and buckle up because the ride is nearly over.
But boy is it gonna be bumpy.
xo