Frank visits Amber's grave, what he finds will shock him.
Light pours in through the small window waking both Amy and I up. Groaning and popping can be heard but not words are exchanged until the coffee has been poured. People in my family aren’t really into mornings.
“So why didn’t you get upset when Amber didn’t mention you in her will?” I questions as Olivia channel surfs.
“She wrote one for me. I get her cat. She said it’s the only way it won’t get sent to a shelter. Her parents hated that cat and Tanner is allergic,” Amy explains as the little black and grey cat runs across the kitchen.
“I forgot all about Mickey,” I answer with a smile. “I’m glad you got him.”
My sister nods, “It’s like she gave each of us the thing she knew we needed. I still don’t get how you got a car out of all this but it’s nice.”
“Amber and I had sex in that car,” I answer. “Madison said Amber has been planning this for months.”
Amy just stares at me with wide green eyes. It looks like she’s just seen a ghost. Sometimes I worry about her sanity then I remember Amy will be Amy. She’d overly dramatic about everything.
“Amber and you had sex…in her car?”
“Yeah, this summer,” I answer as if it’s no big deal. Lies. That was the best night I’d ever had. For a few hours the beautiful red head was mine and no one else’s.
“That’s disgusting,” Amy answers, putting her coffee mug into the sink. “I can’t believe she never told me about it.”
“Probably because she was scared you won’t be friends with her anymore if she told you she had sex with your brother.”
Amy sighs. Olivia looks up at us, smiling her toothless smile. I wonder if she’ll question why she’s getting all of Amber’s Barbie dolls or if she’ll take them without even blinking an eye. I have a feeling it’ll be the second. Olivia has always wanted those things.
“What do you think Madison meant?”
“I have no clue Frank. I think there were a lot of things about Amber that neither of us knew. We can deny it all we want and tell ourselves we knew her but we didn’t. Amber was a very secretive person,” Amy answers with a shrug.
Mom, clad in a pant suit, walks through the room, “I’m going to work. Amy and Frank, tomorrow is Sunday I expect both of you at church. You will both be going to school on Monday. Amy you have a meeting this Friday that you will attend. Frank your boss wants you at work on Tuesday.”
My sister and I just stare blankly at our mom pretending to be taking in what she’s saying. Everyday life just seems so weird now. Normally on Saturday we’d be over at Amber’s going through her movie collection or helping her figure out a new song on the guitar. Now it’s Saturday and we’ve got nothing to do.
“She’s joking right?” Amy says, turning to look at me.
“I have a feeling the answer to that question is no,” I respond finishing off the coffee in the pot.
As much as I hate the idea Amy and I do have to continue on with our lives. Sure, there will be a lot of jeering and questions asked at school but we’ll make it through. My boss with be an asshole as usual but I’ll manage to deal with him. Amy won’t enjoy talking to the therapist my mother hired even though I have a feeling it will do a world of difference. Even though right now it might now seem like it, Amy and I have been through worse. Our father died just last summer of a heart failure, John has been diagnosed with a form of leukemia and will probably have to start chemo very soon. We’ll make it through everything as long as we stick together.
“I don’t like the idea of going back into that school building,” Amy says as John hurries through the room and into the bathroom. It’s another bad morning for him.
“We’ve got nothing to fear.”
My sister shakes her head, blonde hair flying out of her bun, “No Frank, we’ve got tons to fear. Amber was the badass in our group. She never took shit, that’s why a lot of people didn’t like her. Without her we are defenseless.”
“That’s ridiculous, Amy. No one is going to harass us. If anything we’ll just have to answer a shit ton of questions. If you don’t wanna do that then just walk away, okay? The nurse is used to seeing us, go hide in her office.”
“I don’t want to have to hide.”
“Then get tough Amy.”
At that I get up and head back to the basement just as John hurries back upstairs. He looks too pale. I’ll have to remind mom that she needs to take him back to the doctor.
Once downstairs I sit at my desk, take out a piece of paper and start to write. The letters cover the paper without me even thinking about them. It’s just what I feel.
I don’t like that you left us like this. My entire household has gone to hell in a hand basket. John is getting worse and I’m really worried about him. You always knew how to handle stuff like that. What am I supposed to do about it? I feel helpless all the time. Amy doesn’t want to do anything but sleep, eat and drink. I know she’s started again…you can smell it on her breath. Even though I tried to keep a brave face I don’t want to go to school. Do you know how scared I am? Those kids are going to eat me alive. Why couldn’t I have been as bad ass as you? Amber the ninja, that’s what we used to call you. Ha, I bet you’re giving all those angels a run for their money. How is heaven? Did you make it there? I hope to God you did. You’re too pretty to be down with Satan. I’m sorry I never told you how much I love you. I should have just put it out there. I guess it’s never too late…Amber Marie Evans, I’m madly in love with you. Be my girlfriend? There, it’s out. Keep John safe if you can, help out Amy…keep Olivia under your wing.
The form of it makes so sense and it’s literally just though after thought poured out on paper but I’m glad it’s all out. I will eventually bring these to Amber’s grave. I’m sure she’ll enjoy reading them. Normal people would find it odd that I talk about her like she’s still living. I see nothing wrong with it. In my heart Amber is still very much alive.
There was a mystery to that girl. I wonder if I’ll ever figure it out. Probably not, then again it’s all there for me to search through. Would that be violating her privacy?
After thinking about it for a few minutes I decide it’s not. Amber normally answered all my questions and was very open with me. The only thing she was touchy about was that stupid journal. No one was allowed to see it. I wonder what happened to it.
“You should have just been open with me Amber,” I grumble as I slide my two letters into packing envelope. After it’s sealed I coat it in duct tape to make it water proof. Each time I go I’ll put another letter in it.
Carrying the thing upstairs I locate Olivia, “Hey little sis, do you want to go visit Amber?”
“She won’t look sick anymore will she?”
“No,” I answer. “Do you have anything you want to give her?”
Olivia sits on the floor for a few minutes before hurrying across to the art drawer and pulling out a crayon picture of a red head and a blonde. I’m assuming it’s my sister and Amber.
I take the picture from her and slide it in the packing envelope.
Due to the fact Amber’s parents agreed to let me have her car we take it. Mine is pretty much on its last leg. The red Mustang has a lot more power than my old Buick. It takes a few miles for me to get used to it.
“Did you love Amber, Frank?” Olivia asks as I switch lanes, preparing to turn into the graveyard’s gravel parking area.
“Very much,” I answer truthfully. There’s no point in lying to my little sister. I have a feeling she understands a lot more than she lets on.
“I love someone too.”
Her words catch me off guard. Olivia is seven; love is normally a foreign subject until the eighth or ninth grade.
“Who are you in love with?” I ask as we make our way to Amber’s grave.
“James, he’s a boy in my class. We throw sand at each other,” she answers as we stop.
Flowers are thrown over the dirt that covers Amber’s coffin. I just hope she’s at peace. Olivia sits down, her hand resting on the lump in the earth. As she mumbles a few words I place the golden envelope by Amber’s headstone. It’s absolutely perfect; the white and black marble with the words ‘Amber Marie Evans 1992 – 2010 Loving, daughter, sister and friend.’
“Amber likes James…she told me,” Olivia says after a few minutes. “She doesn’t want you to be sad. She wants you to know she loves you too.”
“Does she really?” I play along with my sister’s game as we head back towards the car.
“Of course, Amber wants you to check the glove box of her car.”
For a few seconds I stop, a chilly wind blowing my shaggy black hair around my face, “Does she now?”
Olivia nods, getting into the back seat. I took Amber’s virginity across those seats. No one but my twin sister knows. I’m glad it happened. We were both a little drunk that night but we knew what it meant.
Deciding to go along with what my sister told me I put the key into the slot on the glove box. As it falls I squeeze my eyelids closed almost hoping for there to be something there. As I open then again I lay eyes on a picture. It’s of me…at Amber’s funeral.
[Note: Here's another chapter. This happens to be my NaNo so I have chapters I've already done it is just taking me a while to get them posted on here. Here is a picture of what Amber looks like in my head...http://www.google.com/imgres?q=red+haired+girls&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&biw=1305&bih=605&tbm=isch&tbnid=ljqiwWZUSg4ZoM:&imgrefurl=http://wehearthair.tumblr.com/post/3432680443&docid=WLiwMBrGPnHNPM&imgurl=http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgz2wduJYF1qcc32mo1_500.jpg&w=411&h=615&ei=6lW9ToyJL6ff0QH7nunLBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=488&vpy=186&dur=500&hovh=275&hovw=183&tx=98&ty=149&sig=114603842480460822687&page=6&tbnh=130&tbnw=93&start=89&ndsp=27&ved=1t:429,r:20,s:89 :)]