Gerard takes a visit to the Doctor.
BTW: I anyone forgot, the italics in the middle of the chapter mean Gerard is having a flashback!!
The Next Day....
The next day I made an appointment to go to the doctors and see if they could figure out if there was anything wrong with me. Or why all if this kept happening. The thing is, I was terrified of the doctors. No denying that. I hope they can figure if there IS anything wrong with me because I don't want this to continue on any longer.
I called Mikey to tell him that I was ready to be picked up since I had asked him to drive me to the office just in case I wasn't capable of driving home. He finally had agreed after we argued for a bit. He had to cancel going to Ray's house which made him slightly pissed off. We did not say one word to each other the whole car ride to the office. It was kind of peaceful though.
I was sitting in the waiting room with Mikey waiting to be called back by the doctor. I popped my headphones in and grabbed a magazine and began to skim trough it. I came across an article about some drama between some annoying actors marriage problems. Divorce. What else is new? This made me think of my parents divorcing when I was three and Mikey was nearly one. I miss my mom. I try to remember her considering I was only five when she "mysteriously" died.
The man is just getting ready to continue to carve the boy's right arm. The boy is hysterical at this point. He begins to cry out. "Please! Stop! I haven't done anything wrong! Please stop! It hurts so much!"
The man slaps the boy across the face and yells at him. "Stop struggling or I will only make it worse! You HAVE indeed done something wrong, you little fuck. Now calm down or you will regret it!"
The boy tries to hold back his tears but he can't help it and starts yelling out at the top of his lungs. "You've done it now." The man whispers in the boys ears.
The man puts his knife down and begins to strip the boy of his clothes. The boy is shaking uncontrollably and can't stop. He is now freezing on the cold, tile floor. The man begins to remove his own clothes. The boy is clueless to what the man is about to do considering he is a very young age. The boy is still terrified, however. Who wouldn't be though if they were laying naked before a man who was abusing him? The man knew exactly what he was going to do next. He was going to rape this weak and fragile little boy. The boy had no way of escaping what was going to happen to him.
"Aw. You poor little boy."
"Mr. Way. It's time for you to come back now."
"Oh, okay. I'll be back Mikey." Mikey is obviously still pissed at me seeing as he says nothing back.
I follow the doctor back to the room he takes me to. He starts off by asking me questions about my childhood.
"So, Mr. Way. How was growing up as a child for you?"
"Well, my parents divorced when I was three. My brother Mikey and I both lived with my our mother because our father was a drunk half the time."
"Mhm." The Doctor scribbled down some things onto his clipboard and waited for me to continue.
"Well, my mother...." I swallowed hard and tried to get my words out. "Died when I was only five and I do not remember her that well. I miss her though from the things I can remember about her.
After she died, Mikey and I had to live with our grandparents since our dad was an unsuitable parent to fully live with all of the time like my mother. He got to take us home with him only on the weekends though. I remember me and Mikey being scared out of our minds whenever we were there. We were both so nervous that he was going to hurt us or something. We were never calm whenever we were at his house. What does any of this have to do with my problem anyway?"
"Well you see, there might be something about your childhood that is causing you to keep having these, "flashbacks," as you call them. So, continue Gerard. Why were you both scared whenever you were at your father's house?"
"Well he would usually be drunk half the time we were there and smoke around us making us breathe in the horrible fumes. He told us that if we ever told anyone about him being drunk that he would, whip us......" I paused for a moment remembering everything he would tell me. I continued. "Then he would threaten to beat us if we misbehaved. I do remember him hitting us several times before. We did nothing wrong though. He would always imagine things like people telling him what to do and saying things to him when they really weren't. It was very confusing for me as a child to understand what was really going on with my father."
"Was he ever treated for anything? Like, schizophrenia? It sounds like that is the thing that you are describing he has."
"I think he was diagnosed with.... that. But he refused to be treated for it denying that he even had it. He denied anything that has to do with the doctors. He never wanted to be seen by another Doctor after they diagnosed him with.... whatever you said..."
"Ok. Well I think that I might know what you have been seeing although I'm not positive."
"Really?" I was relieved when I heard him say that. I really want to find out what the problem is. I cannot go on living like this any longer with all of the stress.
"Yes... Well.... Your father..... He... He... Umm... There is not really...... Any other way to put it... nicely...."
"Please tell me what is wrong doc! I cannot go on living like this! It's killing me! I have to know what is wrong!"
"Well, I think you keep seeing your father....." He bit his tongue, took in a deep breath, then continued to explain." Gerard, I think your father raped you as a child... I'm sorry..."
"......" Gerard sat that motionless and speechless. Words could not describe what was going through his head right now.