'“Jeez, there’s no need to look as if someone’s just died,” Ocean’s irritated voice cuts through my thoughts. “You’re going home, not attending a fucking funeral.”....'
- i LOVELOVELOVE your stories!
if you don't mind i have a little constructive criticism? i love how you describe things, but because there are so many describing things in one sentence, when you wanna describe that object again you'll have to end up repeating yourself, so a balance would work great because your vocab is outstanding :D good work
Author's responseThank you!
And no, I don't mind constructive criticism at all- I totally agree with what you're saying, but as I wrote this quite a while ago, I think I've improved on that front a bit...I hope...anyway, you'll see for yourself as the story goes on. Thanks for reviewing :D