More fluff. And n'awwww - things are starting to look better for the boys! Enjoy!
Just thought I'd mention, my iPod is in a really Biblical mood. So far it's played Crucify Me (Bring Me The Horizon), Heaven Help Us (MCR), Him (Lily Allen - don't ask), Fallen Angels and Heaven's Calling (BVB), Living On A Prayer (Bon Jovi!!) and How Do You Do? (Shakira). It's actually freaking me out quite a bit! Oh and the song that just started playing is Search And Destroy (30STM). And the lyrics of that are time to go to hell, and I'm no Jesus. This is really weird. Number Of The Beast next? That would be scary! Actually, the BVB sing a lot of Biblical(ish) songs... Meh!
Thank you to everyone who answered the set of questions in the last chapter! Really made my day! If you haven't yet, go back and answer! I'mma send skittles, cupcakes and whatever else I promised to anyone who does. Not entirely sure how though...! Meh! Mental treats for you all!
I woke up the morning after the incident at the club with a pounding headache. Big surprise! I'd had quite a bit to drink, well quite a lot to drink, and I'd taken a couple of pills. I still wasn't entirely sure where I'd got them from - or if they were even ectasy. The only thing I did know what that I felt like shit. My muscles ached, and my limbs felt disjointed as though the bones in them were no longer connected. My entire body was numb, and my mind was hazy. I didn't have the enegry to lift my eyelids. I hadn't felt this fucked up since the morning after Phin's house party.
I didn't bother to open my eyes - just used my muddled brain to remember last night and where I had ended up. Frank's bed, assuming nothing has happened after I dozed off. At that point I registered the fact that my arms were wrapped around and warm, muscled body doesn't this sound pleasant? Let's face it - who wouldn't want to wake up in this situation? and my head was resting on an equally warm and muscled chest, which was rising and falling slowly as he breathed. I guessed it was Frank. Ihoped it was Frank. But that was stupid - why wouldn't it be him?
Then I remembered the rest of what had happened the previous night. Frank kissing that guy. He getting high in the parking lot. Me yelling at him. Him yelling at me. Then him apologising and carrying me up to bed. That was where my memory ended. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall enough of Frank's apology to figure out whether it was genuine or not. I'd thought so at the time, but I was so damn emotional, who knew? I'd see how he acted today, then decide what I shoud do. At that point in time, the best idea seemed to be sleep.
I stayed in the position that I'd woken up in - wrapped around Frank, whose arms encompassed me. It was warm and soothing to my suffering body and mind. Even if his apology wasn't serious, at least he cared enough to hold me whilst I had slept.
When I woke up next, everything was pretty much the same. I was sleeping with my boyfriend, his arms wrapped around me. It felt warm, and soothing, and safe. Only one thing had changed - I felt a hell of a lot worse. My body was no longer numb, and my mind had lost its haziness. In theory, this would be a good thing, but it allowed me to feel everything that hurt. Which was - in a nutshell - everything. My throat was also horribly dry and my mouth tasted disgusting. Great.
I shifted my weight and blinked, my eyes opening to the sight of Frank's chest. Well, that made my morning a tiny mit better. The light was dim, filtering through the thin curtains that covered the windows, and therefore, the sun. It was still bright enough to make out Frank's face and realise he was still asleep. I didn't particularly want to get up, but my throat was killing me and I knew way I could get rid of my headache was by taking some of the asprin found in the cupboards downstairs.
Regretfully, I rolled of bed, careful not to wake my boyfriend whilst doing so. The room was cold, especially after the warmth of Frank and his bed. I was only in my boxers, which didn't help. I quickly, and quietly ran across the hall and into my bedroom. It was even colder in there and I was shivering as I changed my boxers, and pulled on some clean clothes. From there, I went down to the ground floor, where the kitchen was. The clock in there said it was half one. Great. Work in a few hours.
Yawning, I grabbed a pot of asprin and helped myself to two of the pills. After grabbing a clean glass, I filled it up with icy water and downed it. I was supposed to swallow the tablets with it, but it washed the foul taste out of my mouth and felt so good on my dry throat. The next glass was drank slightly slower, and helped me wash down the two tablets. I felt a little sick actually, taking tablets again after my trip last night. Admittedly, these ones were legal and were designed to help me - not make money, consequences be fucked.
I really wasn't in the mood for anything compliated, so I pulled the instant coffee out of the cupboard, followed by a box of cereal. Before opening the fridge to grab some milk, I filled the kettle up with water and put it on its stand to boil. I drank a few more glasses of water whilst waiting for it to heat up, feeling more and more alive with each one. When the light went out, I poured some of the boiling water into a mug, followed by the instant coffee powder. It was really, hot so I sipped it slowly. It was delicious - perfect hangover cure. In my mind at least.
Grabbing a bowl from the cupboard en route, I went into the lounge with my breakfast and sat on the sofa opposite the TV. I turned it on and settled for an episode of The Simpsons. Then I poured milk and cereal into the bowl and began to eat. Or, I tried to. I hadn't got myself a spoon. Sighing and rolling my eyes at my own stupidity, I darted back into the kitchen to get one. Now my cereal was going to be soggy.
After drinking the rest of my mug of coffee and pouring myself a new one, I finally dug into my breakfast. About half way through, the living room phone rung. I glared at it for a few seconds. I really could not be fucked to answer it. But then, Frank was still asleep, and goodness only knows where my uncle was. Another sigh, and I walked across the living room to pick it up.
"Hello?" I said wearily into the mouth piece. I wondered vaguely whether I should actually be taking this - it wasn't my house after all.
"Hello?" Came the responding female voice.
"Uh, who is this?" I asked.
"Phin... Gerard, I'm gues-" I hung up. Ok, it's not like she had been the one making out with Frank last night, but in my eyes, Phin was the reason for every problem between me and my boyfriend. Admittedly, we had only been going out for a couple of weeks and it's not like we were arguing every few seconds. Or were particularly serious about our relationship. But as far as I was concerned, Phin seemed determined to drive a wedge between me and Frank, and I was sick of it. The phone began to ring again, so I disconnected the wire from the mains. The ringing stopped. Maybe now I could get on with breakfast.
I had just finished my second bowl of cereal and was halfway through my fourth (shut up) cup of coffee, when Frank came downstairs. I know, I know - I was a fat caffine addict, but in that moment, I could not be fucked whether I was being healthy or not. Anyway, my boyfriend came in, looking nearly as bad as I felt. Actually, after eating and hanging up on Phin, I felt much better.
"Morning," I said, smiling at Frank. He returned my smile, but just nodded instead of talking back. "Hungover?" I asked. He nodded again. "Well have loads to drink, I've made like a bucketful of coffee and eat something."
"Can't eat." Frank mumbled, his eyes drooping shut. "Feel like I'm 'bout to puke."
"Oh," I said sympathetically. "Well watching The Simpsons helps too."
He laughed and disappeared from the doorway. I could hear his footsteps as he made his way into the kitchen - to grab some painkiller I'd guess. I settled back into the sofa and put my feet up on the seat next to me. I closed my eyes and wriggled into the soft, brown leather. I stayed like that for several minutes, before the sofa next to me sunk down slightly. Opening my eyes releaved Frank sitting next to me and pouring himself a coffee.
"You take some asprin?" I asked. He yawned and nodded. No one said anything for the next few minutes. Frank was staring at me though, and I got the impression that he was waiting for me to say something. I decided to break the silence. "What's up?"
My boyfriend bit his lip. He looked uncharacteristically nervous. "Look this is going to sound really corny, but last night... I kinda realised something. Oh fuck. How the fucking hell do I say this?"
Great, I thought to myself. Here we go. This is going to sound so incredibly cheesey. When the fuck did I turn into a girl? But I had to admit it to myself. And to Gerard. Something weird happened last night.
"What is it?" Gerard asked softly. How the fuck was I supposed to admit this? I remembered when Phin first hooked up with Andy, how she had been nervous, and cared about him in a way that had certainly never applied to a guy before. That was what was happening to me.
I realised that I somehow ended up caring about Gerard in a way that I hadn't cared for any previous boyfriend. I mean, last night, he asked for sex. Usually, I'd have been all for it - consequences be damned. But I'd said no. That hadn't happened in a good year. Longer even. I'd had a huge number of one night stands - both boys and girls - and dated more people then the rest of my mates put together. And it was all for the sex. I didn't exactly force myself on people, but I didn't care if they enjoyed it, and I certainly didn't care if they got hurt afterwards. And yet, last night, I'd refused to fuck Gerard on the basis that he'd regret in the morning. I'd cared. I'd also apologised for making out with a guy other than my boyfriend. That never happened. Ok - I didn't love him. That would be plain corny and way too like a romance film (convetional, eh?) for my liking. Hell, I didn't like this whole thing! But I couldn't deny that I was... Falling for Gerard. And that I was not fucking comfortable with it.
"I don't know how to put it." I admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. I couldn't think properly and my headache wasn't helping. In fact I generally felt sore and stiff and generally shit. Which was perfect.
"Well, just spit it out. I'm not gonna freak out or anything." Gerard reassured me.
I smiled thankfully at him. "No but I might."
"It's nothing... It's just. Oh fuck it!" Ok, that was enough pansying around. As far as Gerard - as anyone was concerned, I was as tough as shit, and I intended to keep it that way. "Look, I'm really sorry about last night. About hurting you, and being such a dick in the club." I said in a rush.
"Okaaay..." Gerard said slowly. "Have I forgotten about something? I mean - you already apologised for making out with that guy in the club..."
"No - I mean. I'm sorry for that. And that's kinda the weird thing."
"Right. I am really confused now." He looked it too. "You already apologised for kissing him..."
"That's my point!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in frustration. My loud voice made my head pound with renewed force. The frustration at Gerard not getting what I meant didn't help. But then, how could he? He wasn't some sort of motherfucking mind reader. If he was, he would have dumped me long before now. Or never gone out with me in the first place. After all, I'd started this relationship to fuck with his head. But then, my intentions had changed now. "If you were any other guy, any other girl," I continued. "Then I wouldn't have cared. I may have said sorry, just to keep you on my side, but I never would have meant it! And with you... I do. You're the first boyfriend I've had in fuck knows how long that I've cared about. I'm genuinely sorry for hurting you, and it kinda scares me."
Gerard didn't say anything for a few moments, just stared at me with wide hazel eyes. "Why does it scare you?" He asked finally, his voice low and soft.
"I haven't let anyone get close to me like that I guess. I mean they were just there for fucking and messing around with. It started out the same with you." I admitted. "But something changed a while back, and I only really realised last night." I looked down at my lap, mimicking the shyness that was usually on Gerard's part by avoiding his eyes/
"Why am I different?" Still in that same soft, low voice. I didn't dare look up. God, when did I become so pathetic?
"I dunno. I guess you know about my dreams and helped me. A few weeks back you know? That certainly never happened before. I have no idea. It just hit me at some point last night that I didn't want to lose you, or fuck with you, and that I care about you."
"I said that I wanted to have sex with you." Gerard stated.
"Yeah, and me turning you down because I thought we'd regret it and you'd hate me after. I'd never usually do that."
"I see." I did look up at my boyfriend then. The usual positions had been reversed. He was the one staring calmly at me. I was the nervous one, waiting for him to say... anything. "So... you care about me... and it scares you?"
I nodded. "You must think I'm so pathetic."
Gerard shook his head, put his feet on the floor and shifted along the couch until he was sitting next to me. Then he kissed me softly. Our lips locked for a few moments before he pulled away. "I don't think you're pathetic. But if you're scared, the only thing I can do is help you. I'm your boyfriend after all. And you care about me."
"I do," I whispered, resting my forehead on his shoulder. "And thank you. Thank you so much for understanding. I'm kinda fucked in the head."
"Anytime, Frankie. Anytime."
I smiled and looked up for another kiss.
And New Religion started play whilst I was typing. This is really freaky!
Look at Before Back In The Day. I'mma try and update tonight!