Dancing slowly in an empty room Can the lonely take the place of you I sing myself a quiet lullaby Let you go and let the lonely in To take my heart again
"Evelina!" My dad said, alarmed.
"No...No..." I whimpered through my sobs.
"What was it this time?" My mom said, I couldn't tell if it was to me or my dad.
"Evelina calm down. It was just a dream." Right, it was just a dream. Just another dream... My dad hugged me.
"What happened?" My mother asked me, getting my hair out of my face.
I kept quiet, just silently crying. I didn't know whether or not to tell them. They knew I still had these dreams, but recently they've been going on with life as if I didn't. I never told them about my dreams unless they asked, but there was no hiding my nightmares.
"Tomorrow we’re going to find another therapist. This has gone on long enough. I don't care if you hate therapy; you're doing it anyway, Evelina."
"Do you need anything?" My dad asked, ignoring my mom. I shook my head. They both walked out of my room to leave me in my bedroom crying.
He had died. Again. The good dreams of us together, peacefully, came with a price.
I had never seen him before besides in my dreams, but...it seemed like I knew him. For as long as I could remember it felt like we had an entire history together... I didn't even know his name, though he knew mine. I also didn't know what his face looked like. It was very strange, I could never remember when I woke up.
I leaned back into my bed and tried to close my eyes and think about anything besides the dream I just had.
Maybe I was insane.... my parents thought I was. I didn't know why my mom was bothering with therapy again. I had been twice, both times we got absolutely no where.
It was times like these when I hated how I kept all this to myself. I never bothered to tell my parents details, especially my mom. I felt like it freaked them out; I figured that if I freaked out my own parents, I'd freak out any 'friends' at school. That's why since I was a little girl I spaced myself away from people. I accepted that I was too weird to ever be socially accepted.
Most of the time, I was fine with having no friends, but… like I said, times like these I wish I had had a friend to tell everything to. I wish I had someone to actually make me feel better; maybe even convince me that I wasn't all that crazy…
It's sad to be 16 and to never of had a good friend, not since you were about 8 anyway. I've never had a boyfriend, either. I knew it wasn't my looks though--my fashion-and-makeup-obsessed mother kept me looking pretty okay. I mainly let her because if I didn't, I'm afraid she would completely hate me. It was the only time we could actually 'bond' though I hated makeup and getting my hair done and having my mother pick out my outfits… but I still let her. I was almost willing to do anything to help repair our broken relationship.
I believed that she hated me because of my mental problems--my dreams, the fact that I was crazy. I was her only daughter, her only child, and I failed to give her what she wanted. I guess it was a pretty good reason… but…she was my mom. If only she didn't hate me--she could have taken the place of the friend I longed for so much.
I guess I could have tried to get a good friend and then tell her… but I felt as if I had to protect these dreams. Though I wished I could still get help, but from a friend, not from therapy. I didn't want to talk about it to someone I didn't even know...it was embarrassing. I also felt that by keeping these dreams protected, it would keep me protected. Talking to some 'professional' would never make them go away. The only thing that would do is get me put into some institution for crazy people. I might have strange dreams...but I wasn't as messed up like people in an institution might be.
I wondered if I was going to be like this forever. In a way I didn't mind. I loved the man in my dreams; but I also hated them because they were just dreams. He wasn't really...around. I could never really kiss him, or run my fingers through his hair... Never…
Would anyone ever be able to love me like he does? Would I ever be able to love anyone else back besides him? These dreams might space me from people and make my mother hate, but I didn't really mind all that much; only because I was in love with the man from them.
I woke up to a police siren that seemed to be staying right by our apartment. I stayed there lifelessly in my bed.
I didn't want to get up to find my mother in a horrible mood, threatening everyone on the phone to get me an appointment with a therapist today.
My summer vacation had really sucked so far...
I finally got up and went down to the kitchen for some coffee. I passed a few boxes, but just kept going for my coffee.
I walked into the kitchen to find my parents sitting down at the table.
"Good morning!" My father chirped.
"Good morning, Dad." I said back while getting a cup of coffee.
"Sit down, Evi, we need to have a talk."
Oh crap…what have done now? I thought.
I sat down with my coffee-- every second they didn't talk felt like an hour.
"You're father convinced me not to make you go through therapy…" she glared at him.
"So we came up with a better idea, we hope it will really work." My father smiled.
"What is it?" I took a sip of my French vanilla coffee, much calmer.
"Well, we're going on a summer vacation!" My father said proudly.
"On one condition." My mother reminded him.
"Where to? What condition?" I was excited about the vacation, scared about the condition…
"Westover, Virginia." My father announced, just as my mother said, "Italy."
"Wait..are we going to Westover or Italy?" I hoped for Italy… I hadn't even heard of Westover before…
"Both," my mother said in an unhappy tone.
"Your father wants us to take you to Westover, out to the country, just to help you relax and get away from the city for a while." Ugh….
"But your mother wants us to go to her Italy 'business trip' with her."
"Awesome!" I blurted.
"Only for a week though," my father didn't sound very happy about Italy, just as my mother didn't sound happy about Westover…"Then we go to Westover."
"I have cousins there, they say it would be the perfect place for you to go to relax." My father seemed so happy and confidant about Westover, I hated that I was looking much more forward to Italy.
"Sooo," I smiled. This definitely would add some pizzazz to my summer vacation, "when do we leave?"
"For Italy--two days. Then right after Italy we're going to Westover. So get packing."
"Okay," I smiled, and was about to get up when my mom stopped me.
"I haven't told you the condition yet…"
"I thought the condition was Italy…"
"It's a party in Italy. I want you both to go."
"Oh," I looked down… "what kind of party?"
"Oh nothing too big, there's going to be many fashion designers there. We could both model dresses for my company and-"
I put my head on the table and groaned.
"No Italy or Westover for you then." she said coldly.
"Whatever," I gave up. I knew she would find someway to ruin this for me. "I'm going to go pack." I got up and escaped to my room.