Gerard and Frank are confused. Mikey feels he just doesn't know anything anymore. But what will save them? My first fanfic, please rate and review
It was a hot summers day and Gerard was stood outside the tour bus, having a long awaited cigarette. He sighed as he felt the smoke drift out of his lungs. He looked up to see his little brother walking towards him.
'Hey,' said Mikey, as he went to stand next to his brother. 'Hey,' came Gerards reply, 'How long 'til we leave?'
'About 5 minutes.'
'Cool.' An uneasy scilence built between the Way brothers. These scilences seemed to be more of a regular thing these days. They used to be able to talk for hours, conversations flowing easily, but not today...
I just wish I could be honest with him, he is my brother after all, I mean, I used to tell him everything but this, this could ruin everything sometimes I really wonder if- 'Gee...,' Mikey began, dragging me out of my thoughts and back into reality, 'You've been a bit... well, you've not been yourself for a while now and I won't ask whats wrong because you'll just say nothing again but i'm here for you. If you ever need me, ever. Okay?' He reached out and placed a kind hand on my upper arm which makes my heart feel like its melting. It means so much to have his support, I only wish I could tell him what was wrong. 'Thanks Mikey,' I hear myself say and he smiles at me before stepping inside the bus.
I sigh. Lying day in, day out to my brother, my best friend, it's torture. It's like i've been injected with barb wire, corsing through my veins, ripping them to shreds until it ends up at my cracking heart, egulfing it very slowly in pain and self hatred, but all the while my love for him shining through. My sick, illegal love.
Something's wrong. Iknow it is. I'm so worried about Gerard. Ineed to know whats wrong. I need to know the truth. I hope it's nothing too serious. I dont think i could bear to see gerard in turmoil again. I need to just forget about it, i'm sure he's fine. I'm probably overreacting. As hard as i try to block the feelings out, they're still there as I walk over and lie down in my bunk. He cant be drinking again, can he?
No. I would have noticed if he was drinking, wouldn't I?
I shake my head, attempting to clear it. It doesnt work. I just lie there for God knows how long, staring up onto the bottom of Ray's bunk, insides twirling in nervousness and fear. My big brother, my Gerard, can't even look at me properly. I feel a sting of pain in my chest at the thought of losing him. Then my stomach drops at the thought that it might actually be my fault.
Confused. That's how I feel. I'm not even taking in my own reflection for the thoughts whurring around my head. I love Jamia. I married her for fuck sake. Ilove her. I do. I just love someone else as well. It's fast becoming two other people. God, i'm such a whore. I find myself laughing, but its not my usual, melodic, girlish laugh. Its bitter and cold.
I feel as if needles are pricking my heart and mind, pain slowly seeping into my system at just how much i'm letting this effect me. But i just cant deny it anymore. I'm in love with him. Im love with my best friend. In love with Gerard Way; and painfully close to loving his brother as well.
He really has no fucking idea, does he. I sigh audiably as I sit next to Ray behind the table. 'Sup buddy?' asked Ray, in his carefree tone.
Its alright for some, you're only in love with who you're meant to be, happily married and certainly not thinking about fucking your own brother. 'Nothing,' came my easy lie, 'Just a bit stressed out, thats all.'
'Why dont you get some rest? you'll feel better after.' Despite myself, i turn to smile at Ray. Good old, reliable Ray. 'I think I will,' I say and, not really thinking, walk off towards my bunk, a minesclue bubble of hope forming in the pit of my stomach.
I cant hide in these toilets forever. I reach my trembling hand out and open the door. Looking down at my feet, I collide into something human shaped, soft and slightly rigid. Gerard. 'Whoa. watch where you're going Frankie.' The use of that name makes my stomach do flips.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
'It's okay,' smiles Gerard.
Oh how i love that smile.
'I'm just gonna get some rest.'
'Okay, sweet dreams.'
Gerard looks at me quizzically before turning and walking to his bunk. Shit! What a fucking dumb thing to say! I smack myself lightly in the forhead before turning and falling into my own bunk, one that just happens to be below Gerards. I sigh and turn over onto my side, slide my earphones in and blast Misfits up as loud as it will go.
'Mikey?' I heard Gerard ask hestitantly. I open my eyes turn round to face my brother, millimetres from my face in the darkness, 'Fuck Gee!' I exclaim, a little to loudly.
'Sorry Mikey, i just....sorry,' Gerard stuttered, staring down at his feet. 'S'okay. what did you want anyway?'
'Oh. eerrm, just to talk to you i-if thats okay.?'
'Can we go somewhere else?'
'Okay.' Somethings wrong. Oh, I wish he'd just fucking tell me. Gerard walked towards the back of the bus and gestured me to follow.
I sat down next to him and that familiar awkward scilence crept in between us.
'Mikey, please dont hate me..'
'Hey Gee, I could never hate you, just tell me.' He let out a huge sigh.
This is bad. This is really, really bad. My insides start writhing as he looks up at me, eyes full of fear, nervousness and.....love, 'Mikey....I love you.'
'Gerard, I love you too.'
Maybe not so bad...
'No, Mikey, you dont get it....i-i'm.. i'm IN love with.. with you.'
Fuck. This is worse than bad. This is horrendous. This is diabolical. This is just wrong. Before I could formulate a decent reply, Gerard lept at me and passionately crashed our lips togther, working furiously against me and causing my heart to do a little jolt.
This is wrong. so so wrong. Or is it right? No. Definitely wrong. I violently push Gerard off, 'What the fuck Gerard, im your fucking BROTHER, you sick prick!'
'Mikey i just-'
'Save me the shit Gerard.'
I'm not thinking as I storm out, feet working ahead of my brain. He can't be serious? I'm his fucking BROTHER. I knew something was wrong but Ididn't expect that. As I lie on my bunk a strange felling creeps into my stomach. guilt.
No, he's sick. He's disgusting and i never want to see him again.
I can hear someone shouting. maybe I can help. maybe I can comfort them. Oh god. Mikey just stormed off. I should go comfort Gee, i'm his friend.
He's crying. He looks up at me as I walk over, those eyes. 'Gee..' I say softly, 'Are you okay?'
'Do I look okay?!'
You look more than okay to me.
'What's the matter?' I carefully approach him.
'Just something I said to Mikey, he...' Gerard breaks out in a fresh wave of tears. I sit next to him and pull him into a tight embrace as Gerard sobs into my chest. Damn, he smells good. What could he have said to Mikey? Why is he so upset? What could be so bad it breaks apart the inseperable Way brothers? I dread to think.
I've fucking ruined my life. He's my fucking brother and I told him i'm in love with him, what was I thinking?! Thank God I have Frank and Ray. Oh god. Ray, he might never talk to me again. Frankie might never even talk to me again when he finds out. Oh god, I could lose the three people I love more than anything. I'm such a fucking idiot! This is gonna kill me. Oh, who gives a shit, i'm just gonna kill myself anyway.