Recurring nightmares, promises of protection, and a concert of epic proportions.
Your reviews take my breath away and make me smile crazily at my computer. I love you all, keep reading and writing and listening to music. This is from Gerard's point of view. There’s much more to come :)
I’d been pretending to stare up at the seamless white of the hotel room ceiling for five minutes or so, still trying to catch my breath. The boy next to me made it hard, though, with his arm thrown over my chest and his soft cheek pressed against my skin. I kissed his jet-black hair and sighed happily. Everything in the world was perfect and right and beautiful, and I was floating light as a feather on a bank of clouds. My muscles still trembled in the aftermath of that orgasm, the best I’d ever had, a perfect storm of everything about him that turned me on. The sheets felt cool where they touched my flushed, sweaty skin.
I stared down at the delicate face of the boy I loved. Frank. I’d never meant to fall in love again; after years of whoring myself out and feeling nothing, I’d resigned myself to being the romantic equivalent of a bulletproof vest, my personality and fucked-up past effortlessly deflecting every glimmer of a real relationship. But somehow, something had clicked as I’d wiped blood off his face in the dingy school bathroom. Frankie was the first person I’d admired in so long, the first person I didn’t see right through. He had the sweetest smile, and every word from his perfect pink lips rang true. It felt natural to protect him. I did it in the same way I’d prevent my own arm from getting chopped off, without any conscious decision. Mikey had been upset when I’d fallen into a bout of extreme apathy after moving to Fair Haven. I’d lost my faith in everything and pretty much everyone. It seemed melodramatic to put it that way, but it was the truth. Frankie was my own personal ray of light, full of new thoughts and ideas and lust for life. Energy just radiated out his tiny frame. When he touched me, shivers ran down my spine like I’d grabbed an electric fence. I was so fucking happy I thought I’d burst, and the best part of it all was realizing that I made him happy too. I ran my fingers through his hair and watched his caramel-colored eyes flutter open. He looked up at me and raised his eyebrows.
“Feel better now, Gee?”
I smiled a little at the pet name. “Much, much better,” I drawled, wrapping him in my arms and squeezing tight. “You thirsty? Want a drink?”
He nodded gratefully. I got up and left to raid the fridge in the other room. I could feel his eyes on my naked back until I crossed the threshold and was no longer visible. My legs still felt like jelly, but I refused to show it.
Don’t trip and make a total idiot of yourself, I thought, managing to navigate around the coffee table without disaster. Still, I worried my hands would shake and I’d drop whatever I brought him. I had a slight, constant tremor in my fingers from years of caffeine addiction; it always went away after a double espresso in the morning, but it meant I couldn’t draw a perfectly straight line anymore, and that worried me. I worried about pretty much everything, though I didn’t show it on the surface. Mikey often chided me about it and said I’d get an ulcer...which only made me worry more.
I padded over to the fridge and found a couple of ginger ales in amongst the candy and pretzels. There were plastic cups arrayed tastefully on a try near the sink, and I took two and filled them with ice. Frankie gave me a grin when I brought him his drink and a napkin emblazoned with the hotel’s logo.
“I don’t remember ordering room service,” he joked, sitting up in bed and taking a long sip. “Thanks, baby.”
I smiled in response. My throat was hoarse, and the cool drink soothed it.
It was late, but we lay there for a while and watched a zombie movie on TV. His body was warm against mine. We were both sweaty and covered in cum, but he’d never looked better.
“Ready for the Misfits tomorrow?” I asked, raising my head from his shoulder.
“Is a forty year-old virgin ready to fuck?” he laughed. “I think I might die of happiness, Gerard.” His eyes narrowed intensely. “I love them.”
“I’m glad. That’s a huge dealbreaker, if I meet a kid that doesn’t perk up when ‘Astro Zombies’ comes on the radio. That’s the point at which I know we can never be friends.”
He planted a gentle kiss on my cheek. I blushed when I felt his thumb trace over my collarbone. “You’re so beautiful, Gee,” he whispered.
“Thank you.” I could barely bring myself to meet his eyes, but when I did, I could see he really thought so. Something warm bloomed within my heart. I couldn’t even laugh at how corny the situation should have felt.
He shook his hair out of his eyes impatiently. “I wish you believed me.”
“I do, I guess,” I admitted. It was certainly true that people treated me differently because of the way I looked – I knew I could get whatever I wanted with some angelic eyelash-fluttering, and I’d gotten used to brushing compliments off like rainwater – but it also made me feel like a freak.
“You’ve got those male-model cheekbones,” he said softly, tracing over my face and down my nose with one finger. He laughed when I crossed my eyes and tried to look down.
“You too. Frankie, you’re gorgeous.” But he held up a hand, refusing to listen.
“Yeah, we’re both heinously attractive. I’m so tired, Gee, let’s go to bed.” He yawned widely to prove his point. I turned off the TV and the lights and lay down next to him, scooting closer as he rolled onto his side and pressed his back against my chest, using my arm as a pillow. Frank always knew what to say, even when there were no words involved. As I fell asleep, I wasn’t thinking of the momentous event that had just happened. I just felt so incredibly grateful. And I finally let myself hope that my life would be this good forever.
I couldn’t quite get my eyes to focus. It felt like I was looking through plastic wrap as I walked down the dim, empty hallway of a school. My shoes squeaked on the linoleum; I glanced down and realized the floor was covered with blood, puddle after puddle of that dark, dark red. It was all over my shoes and hands. A shudder ran through me. I couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere, doing something, but I couldn’t remember where. I leaned against the wall, cradling my head in my hands and racking my brain for an answer. Something was wrong with my head.
“Hello?” I called, but there was no reply. Panic squeezed at my heart.
I started running, following the trail of blood and turning corners, sprinting down a windowed arcade. My hair whipped around my face and stung my cheeks. Someone’s voice echoed down the hallway, a jumble of words I couldn’t comprehend. My lungs were burning as I turned the last corner. A red lake pooled around a hunched figure lying up against the lockers. I recognized him instantly; tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I caught a glimpse of black hair matted with blood, one delicate hand protruding from the gray hoodie I’d lent him. There was no one I could fight. Whatever had left his body crumpled and defeated was gone without a trace. I staggered blindly forward, but before I could touch him, my vision swam and darkness closed seamlessly over my head.
“Gerard,” his voice rang out, warm with recognition. Flashes of golden sunshine, coffee cups in the sink, the long and blissful walk home from school. Those trusting eyes were burned into my brain, back where I couldn’t reach. The words floated from his lips. “You were supposed to protect me.” I couldn’t tell if it was a million miles away or right in my ear. The darkness was seeping into me, flowing down my throat like water. I sagged to my knees, feeling like I was choking, reaching out and clutching his lifeless body to me. But he melted away effortlessly until there was nothing left, and I was alone.
I jolted awake, thrashing around frantically until I found his sleeping form in the huge bed. His eyelids fluttered open.
I grabbed him and buried my face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent with a sob of relief. I was supposed to take care of him, to make sure he was always safe, and I knew I wasn’t strong enough by half. He stroked my hair gently until I’d calmed down enough to tell him about the dream. My mind was racing even as I spoke, leaving out the details he didn’t need to hear and I didn’t need to relive. When I’d finished, he looked at me hesitantly.
“I can’t speak for the will of the universe, but personally, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon,” he said, twirling strands of my hair around his fingers. “Actually, you’ll be begging me to leave by the time I’m through with you.”
“Never,” I said, a small smile creeping across my face. Because I would be there for him always, because the world was dark and cold and Frank Iero was the last beautiful thing left. “You better take out a restraining order on me, because this could get creepy.”
His eyes were glowing in the dark. I knew deep down inside that I, Gerard Way, was attached to him in a far more fundamental way than he would ever know. I curled into his side and waited until his breathing slowed and his muscles relaxed. That knowledge sat heavily on my chest, but I knew it would get easier with time. I would always be watching in case something happened. I would always be ready. And in protecting him, I would be saving myself, redeeming my own battered soul. It was cold comfort, but it was comfort nonetheless.
Morning dawned bright and cheerful; I cracked one eye and winced as a shaft of sunlight bored straight into my skull. The events of the night came back to me in a rush, a blur of Frank’s hot body and indescribable ecstasy and the brief, unpleasant twinge of my nightmares.
Overall, a night for the books. I grinned widely as Frank came out of the bathroom, still in the buff. He leaned against the doorframe, cocking an eyebrow.
“Gerard? Is everything okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile before your third shot of espresso.”
“Unhhh,” I sighed happily.
Frank looked askance at me. “What, did I fuck you so hard I gave you brain damage?”
I laughed. “What a way to go. I wouldn’t mind that at all.”
He crawled over to me and slapped my cheek gently. “Sober up, Giggles, because...WE’RE GOING TO SEE THE MOTHERFUCKING MISFITS!!!” He started bouncing excitedly on the bed, chuckling up a storm.
I groaned, my usual crabby demeanor returning in the blink of an eye. “I don’t think I can go, you ruptured my eardrum with your shrieking.”
“Yelling,” he corrected me. “Shrieking is girly.”
“Your virile and masculine shrieking.” I rolled my eyes as he continued to bounce, getting several feet of air with every leap, his hair flopping comically.
I will never understand people that are capable of basic motor functions before eleven.
“Come on,” he panted, falling down beside me. I flicked his dark hair out of his face with my fingers. He leaned over and kissed me tenderly, one hand resting on the back of my neck as his hot, slick lips worked against mine. “I made you coffee,” he mumbled against my mouth, grinning because he knew it would hit home.
I was out of bed in half a second, shambling to the kitchen for all I was worth. A white china cup sat steaming by the sink. The coffee’s warmth slid down my throat; I smiled as I chugged.
“Black gold,” Frank laughed as he headed back to the bedroom to get dressed.
We were out on the street in five minutes flat, having come to a mutual agreement that getting there early would mean a better view. The concert field was much emptier than yesterday; I could hear the opening band over the noise of the crowd, and closed my eyes in pleasure. The faint strains of chords and echoed voices grew clearer as I focused in on them. The guitars were pristine, chiming and meeting up at brief points of harmony in the fast, exhilarating music. I could tell it was a band with a lot to say, none of the clichéd, insubstantial whines that usually pervaded the radio. And the singer was loud because he was afraid no one was listening; there was a jittery insecurity to the way they played that made it even more compelling. Frankie tugged at my hand.
“Closer,” he shouted over the music, pulling me towards the main stage. We found a good place to stand, up front but over to the side, where we wouldn’t get trampled and could listen in peace. And that was exactly what we did for the next three hours. I loved watching his eyes widen with delight as the roadies set up Danzig’s Les Paul guitar front and center, as they did a quick soundcheck, as the amps and microphones and monitors emerged from the wings. A huge banner across the back of the stage read ‘Every Day is Halloween’. When they walked on, we screamed and cheered and went crazy, dancing until our lungs burned, recognizing every song. The music was so loud; I lost myself and just let it stream in and fill my head with burning noise. The bass was vibrating through my chest and down into my feet. Every guitar riff was sublime, sliding into the complex mix like a ray of light. Frankie kissed my cheek and ground his hips against mine, laughing as he danced seductively. After a while, we stood there in the bright morning with our arms locked around each other and just listened, both of us, as hard as we could. Nothing else existed but the music and us.
Hi! Sorry this took so long, I was partying in Seattle with my boyfriend (!!) all this week and I have the biggest food baby in the world :) You are all the sweetest and loveliest people; your reviews make me cry a little in my heart because I’m happy. I hope you’re all doing okay and school isn’t too shitty, let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on because I, too, am freaking out. I kind of took a risk with this chapter, so let me know if you liked it and would be into more stuff from Gerard’s perspective sometime in the future. He thinks super hard about everything and that’s kind of fun to write, especially after 14 chapters of Frankie, the definition of hyperactive :D I’ve been cranking “Lithium” by Nirvana, and the Misfits, of course. Stick around for the next chapter, it gets intense ;) You guys are wonderful! Xo b_b