she was back in new jersey. so was he.
I should've never left. That was my only thought I peered around at what had been our room.
After a nervewrecking flight from Texas. After an irritating drive home with mom, in which all she did was squeal in ultra delight and almost crash into about five cars. After receiving ten minute hugs from my dad and my step mom. ... Okay. The flight was only hard because every second on that plane, I was debating what I was going to do when I appeared in front of Frank. I knew that a simple hello wasn't going to cut it. The drive home was not all that bad. I did miss my mom. But I think she was making it a very big deal. And the hugs wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't for such a long time. All I had wanted to do was come back to where we had spent our days and nights.
And now I wish I hadn't been so desperate. It was a wreck. Everything must have remained the way it was back when Frank left home too. There wasn't so much clothes, nor shoes. Almost all the books, CDs, movies were gone. But I wasn't so concerned about that. It was the pictures that had been on the wall. They were gone. All of them. Not even one left on the floor. The posters were torn off and some still hung but only by a corner. Things that had been on the dresser looked like they had been knocked off out of anger.
Had I really hurt him this bad?
Of course. Because I hurt myself too. What he felt, I felt too. I sighed as I sat down on his bed. I felt so alone. I used to never feel alone when I was in here... even if he wasn't here, it was like his presence was. But now, that was gone. It was just a messy room now. I placed my elbows on my knees and just began sobbing hysterically into my hands.
I should've left him a note. Ishould've said goodbye. I should've kept in contact. All the things that I didn't do were now getting to me. It was really hurting now. I was a selfish monster. I was so desperate to get out of his shadow. I wanted things too badly.
There was a gentle knock on the door and I shot up to look who it was. Who was it that was interrupting my cryfest?
The intruder was a tall, blonde, blue-eyed fellow. His eyebrows drew in together and he ran a hand over his scruffy beard in a nervous manner. I quickly wiped the tear streaks away with the back of my hands.
"Hey... umm... which door is the bathroom? Mikey said the third door on the left... but this... is... the third door?"he said in a questioning tone as he talked and looked back down the hall to make sure he was counting the doors correctly. This time it was me who looked at him in confusion.
"M-Mikey? As in Mikey Way?" I asked. Blondie slowly nodded his head.
"Y-yeah..." he replied. "Now can you tell me where the bathroom is. I really gotta go." he crossed his arms and made a pained face. I nodded.
"it's the third door on the right. Mikey isn't good with his directions." I told him, pointing to the door that was directly behind him. He laughed.
"You got that right. Thanks." he said with a smile and then dashed into the bathroom. I watched him shut the door and then got up from the bed quickly. I ran out the room and to the end of the hall. I didn't step into the living room where I, indeed, heard more voices than before. When had they arrived?? Why didn't I hear them come in?
I felt a panic attack arising. Istarted breathing heavy and my heart started racing. I could make out Frank's voice. He was talking to Mom. Another voice, Ray, interjected and made acomment. They began to laugh.
"So... is she home?" another voice asked. I recognized this one as Gerard's. The off-centered leader of the band. To me, he was like a work of art. He was so mysterious and weird yet so fascinating. I didn't ever really talk to him, but when I did, we always spoke of dark, creepy things. I was more friends with his brother, Mikey. He was more naive and less weird than Gerard, yet contained the same nerdy factor as his older brother. Also, from what Mikey had told me, Gerard saw me in the manner as I saw him. Mysterious, weird, fascinating.
"Uh, you kinda look like a stalker just creeping around the corner like that." a voice said from next to me. Ijumped, turning to face Blondie. He looked less pressured now and content. He was smiling very wide. I shook my head.
"I can't go out there." I told him. He shrugged his shoulders.
"Then don't. You can hide behind corners all you want, but you know that'll only make Frank more depressed than what he already is." he said, almost sternly, like a warning or something.
"You know who I am?" I asked. He reached out and with his finger, ran it across my eyebrows.
"You're Faith. The pipsqueak's sister. The resemblance is creepy. It's like seeing Frank with long hair... well... you have softer features, but you should get my drift. He's told me stuff here and there. I can't judge you. I just know that Frank was sad when I met him and he still is."
I looked at the stranger. Who was this guy? A roadie?
Before I could ask, he started walking off.
"Hey, Frank!" he said as he turned around the corner. "Your sister looks exactly like you. Its creepy, man."
I almost dropped to my knees. The nerve of him! What the fuck!
"Faith?" Frank questioned. His voice cracking and going a pitch higher than what it was.
"Yeah. She's hiding behind the corner." Blondie informed him.
The quick, gross scrape of a chair was the thing that made me run for it. I ran into our room and shut the door. Ipressed my back hard against it since there was no lock. I trembled in fear. Icouldn't do this. What if he was so mad at me, he never wanted to see or talk to me again? What if all he did was give me a disapproving look and walk away?
I was a coward.