The day at the beach and some questions are answered.
Anyway, fairly long chapter, and a very good one in my opinion. For my standards at least. So yeah, enjoy!
"Come on - there must be something more interesting than that you wanna know about!" Frank said as we continued to walk. We'd reached the tree line by now, and the cool, filtered sunlight was a relief after the stilfing heat outside the forest. I'd nearly finished my ice-cream and Frank was munching on the last bits of his cone. We both had rucksacks with our beach stuff in them.
"Ummm," I bit my lip, considering. "How did you become such good friends with Phin?" I finally questionned.
Frank frowned slightly. "When I first moved from New Jersey, everyone here hated me for one reason or another. I got beat up a lot." He ducked his head in shame and I squeezed his hand. "Anyway, Phin basically sorted them out. I started hanging out with her and her crowd. They were the first proper friends I had here and we just grew closer over the years. Phin basically... gave me all the confidence that I have today."
"Fair enough." I nodded.
"What 'bout you? Who were your best mates back in Jersey?"
"As sad as this sounds, my little brother Mikey, and Ray, who was in the same grade as me in school. We met a few years back and became real good friends."
"Isn't Mikey coming to visit soon?"
"Yeah - less then two weeks! The Sunday after next."
"Bet you're looking forward to that." Frank smiled ruefully.
"Yeah - I am! What about you? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Nope just li'l old me." I laughed at his sentence, but secretly felt really sorry for Frank. I couldn't imagine what life would have been like for me in Jersey if not for my little brother. Hell, I even met Ray through him! "Fuck only know what my parents must do without me to keep them entertained!" Frank interrupted my thoughts. His tone was joking, but I could detect bitterness and sadness behind it. "They must be bored out of their brains!"
I laughed, but it wasn't genuine, just to make him feel a tiny bit better. Then a question occured to me. Oh God, this was really not the right time to ask this, but I couldn't help it - curiousity got the better of me.
"Why did you get kicked out?"
Frank's smile slid off his face, and I immediately regretted asking the question.
"You haven't heard?" He asked quietly. I shook my head. Phin had told be vaguely what had happened, but I was curious about the details. "I'm amazed - it's not exactly a secret." He sighed sadly, and then continued. "About five, six months back now, I guess, right at the beginning of the summer holidays, I went out clubbing. No one else wanted to come, or were busy, or whatever. So I went to one of the more underground clubs. Long story, short, I met a few guys. Like five I think. They were a bit older than me, and they were buying me drinks. We were all completely pissed so I said to come back to mine." Frank closed his eye and took a deep breathe, as though it was physically difficult for him to continue. "You can imagine what happened - a massive gang bang. My parents were out that night, but when they came home in the morning, well.. it was obvious what had been going on. They threw out the other guys, yelled at me, then kicked me out." He shrugged, looking miserable.
I pulled him closer and hugged. Frank remained tense in my arms for a few moments, then relaxed and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, pressing my lips into his hair. "I shouldn't have asked."
"No it's fine." To my alarm, Frank's voice sounded a little strained - as though he was trying not to cry. I just squeezed him tighter and kissed the top of his head. After a short while, he pulled back, took my hand and carried on leading down the small forest trail. "Can I ask you something?" He asked, his voice back to normal now.
"When did you come out?"
I flushed and bit my lip. "A few years ago. I was fifteen, but I'd known for a while before that. Fifteen was just how old I was when I finally built up the guts. So, I told Mikey. He was thirteen at the time and he was a little surprised. He didn't care though. I never told Mom and Dad though - they just sorta figured it out. I'm not completely gay though - I like girls too."
"Yeah, ditto." Frank grinned.
"What 'bout you?" I questionned him.
"To my mates - never. I don't think I'd ever have the guts to. But just before my fourteenth birthday, I went to a party and started kissing this guy. So, obviously enough - the whole school knew about it by the next day. I got a lot of shit about it, but at least I never had to 'come out'." He shrugged. "Telling my parents wasn't as easy, and they weren't impressed. But they got over it, until I took those guys home at least."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. "I'm sorry," was the best I could do.
"It's ok, it's not your fault." Frank cleared his throat and then said; "So why d'you get kicked out? I mean, I remember you said you were doing, but what actually happened?"
"Well, at first me and Ray were just going to clubs, downing a few shots - simply to fit in if nothing else. Then, I liked getting pissed, getting high. It was more than to look cool, It was like I needed these pills and booze just to carry on. I was addicted I suppose. And obviously, I started doing stupid things." I shrugged. I couldn't really remember too much about those few months I spent almost permanently hammered. They were too blurry to pick out details. "My brother found out soon enough. At first he just helped me out, and hid it from my parents. I guess it got too much for him in the end, 'cos he told them. They gave me a few weeks to sober up but I didn't. Then they decided a change of scene would be the best thing so they sent me here."
"I guess - I'm not taking half of the amount of pills I was back home, and I'm not drinking as much. Not getting plastered everyday at least. And I have some good mates here, definitely more than in Jersey. And I have a great boyfriend too." I smiled and pulled Frank closer so my arm was round his waist. He rested his head on my shoulder for a second.
"We're nearly out of the woods now." He announced. I snorted. "What?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrows at me.
"Nothing, what you just said sounded like that cheesey proverb."
He chuckled. "Yeah I suppose it did a bit."
As Frank had promised the trees were beginning to thin out, and after a few minutes, we were stepping back out into the bright light of the full sun. There was a large stretch of grass infront of us, then just the ocean reaching out into the distance and sparkling a magnificent blue.
My boyfriend smiled at me and took my hand, leading me forward across the plain of grass. It was quite tall - it reached my knees. I guessed that it was obsuring any beach because as I was concenred, there was nothing but water. So I was slightly surprised when we reached the top of a large cliff.
I gasped as I stared down - it was about a seventy foot drop down to the grey rocks that lay below. The beach looked amazing - the sea was lapping on pure white sand, which extended for most of the beach, before giving way to grey stones, and then the sharp, jagged rocks that were directly beneath the base of the cliff. There were headlands curling round a small pool of the sea, making the enclosed water perfectly still. There were trees on the stretches of land, giving the water in the cove a green tinge.
"It's amazing, eh?" Frank asked me softly, studying my face as he did so.
I nodded. "How are we going to get down there though?"
He pointed to the headland on the right. "There's a path along there. You can't see it from here, because of all the trees. It's not far though, and it's never windy or rough in that cove, because of the headlands. You have to watch out for the tide though. Apart from when it's really rough, it never reaches the base of the cliff, but it can cut the path off. It's fairly low at the moment, so we should be ok." I nodded again. Frank smiled and began to lead me to the headland he'd indicated.
"So what else do you want to know 'bout me?" I questionned him.
I frowned for a moment, thinking, and then said; "This is kinda personal, but when was the first time you had sex?"
Predictably, Gerard blushed bright red. "Uh, like a couple of months ago. I was kinda pissed at a party, and it seemed like a good idea at the time."
"Really?" I was slightly surprised - most of the people I knew my age, everyone but Adrian actually, had had sex atleast a year back. "Fair enough. How many times since?"
"Not many. I don't like casually fucking, if you know what I mean." Gerard blushed even darker (I was surprised he wasn't sweating by now), and then said; "I've never had sex with a guy either."
I blinked in surprise at that. He was clearly embarassed about it though, so instead of mocking him, I wrapped my arm round his waist and squeezed gently. He smiled at me thankfully and I reached up to place a kiss on his lips.
"I'm guessing you've done something though. Over than with me, I mean." I said, remembering back to that hour or so spent in Phin's sauna last month.
"Yeah, I mean, I've given guys blowjobs and stuff, just never had sex with anyone." Gerard shrugged. "What about you?" He then asked me.
"What when did I first fuck someone?"
I frowned, trying to remember when it was. "I was fifteen I think."
"Yeah, I'm awful at remembering how long ago stuff was, never mind how long ago it was."
"Ok, who was it with? Anyone I know?"
I wrinkled my nose - Gerard was not going to like this. At all. "Well, yeah." I sighed, wondering if it would idea to lie, simply to keep him happy. But then, the truth had a nasty habit of coming out exactly when I didn't want it to. "I was dating Phin round 'bout my fifteenth birthday, and yeah, we screwed."
"Oh," was all Gerard said.
"Hey, look - that was two years ago and even if I did want her - which I don't - she really loves Andy. She wouldn't do anything with me. And I already told you that it's you I want." I was slightly annoyed at my boyfriend - for doubting me, but then, as I said, it wasn't as though he didn't have a reason to. So instead of saying something patronising, I squeezed his waist again.
Then I felt Gerard's lips against my head. I smiled to myself and he whispered into my hair; "Sorry."
"It's ok, it's just Phin's knows you so much better than I do, and she's so much better looking, and she's smart and I'm not."
"And?" I stopped and looked up at my ridiculous boyfriend. "She's great, but she's not you and I want you. Ok? You don't have anything to worry about."
"Thank you," He whispered, still into my hair.
We were still walking, along the tree line on the headland now. I was sweating under the hot sun, and could tell Gerard was suffering too. It didn't help having a heavy rucksack slung across my shoulders.
A little way along was a steep downhill path down the cliff, it was narrow, but I'd walked up and down it a hundred times, so I wasn't worried. When me and Gerard reached the path, he stopped at the top of it.
"We're not going down there are we?" He said in alarm.
I grinned and turned back to look at him. "Yep. One of the many reasons no one ever comes down here. It's not as bad as it looks though - only the top bit is really narrow. After that it runs through the trees again and then you're down on the rocks. I've done it hundreds of times."
"Are you sure it's safe?" Gerard was still hanging back.
"Not really. But don't you trust me?" I smiled at him, giving him puppy dog eyes as I did so.
"Ugh, don't look at me like that." His eyebrows had disappeared beneath his sunglasses as he frowned. "Do you really think this is a good idea?"
"Yeah it's so nice down there, and it's only the top bit that is really steep. You don't need to worry - I'll hold your hand if you want!"
Gerard stayed still for a moment, then slipped his hand into mine. I squeezed and lead him down the narrow path. The drop really was big, but I didn't think it'd be fatal to fall. Really painful, maybe, but you probably wouldn't die.
Soon enough the path turned inland and we were no longer walking along the edge of a cliff.
"Fuck, Frank, the things I do for you." Gerard muttered as he sped his steps to get away from the fall, as though he was still afraid of it. I grinned again at him, before catching hol of his other hand and pulling him in for a kiss.
Our lips met as we stood in the warm forest, hand in hand. My boyfriend's mouth was as hot as usual and tasted of coffee ice cream. I smiled into the kiss and broke apart, only to wrap my arms back around him and whisper; "Thank you."
The next leg of the walk was spent in silence again, until we reached the rocky base of the cliff. Then, it was a short clamber over the massive and we were on the beach. By the time our feet touched the sand, we were both panting and sweating horribly.
"So - was it worth it?" I asked Gerard once we had both caught our breath. We'd dumped our bags on the sand and it was a relief to get them off of our shoulders.
He was staring at the surroundings. The beach was a perfect white, the sea a brilliant blue and the sun a glowing gold. Best of all - it was completely deserted. I wasn't exactly sentimental or sappy, or anything, but I did love this place. It was beautiful.
"Definitely," was his reply. My face cracked into yet another grin.
I turned to see Frank staring at me and grinning like an idiot.
"What?" I asked, smiling at his expression.
"I'm going for a swim!" He announced before throwing of his top and kicking off his shoes. "You coming?"
"I thought you said it was going to be cold?" I protested.
"Yep - but I'm way too hot!" Frank practically shouted. I think the ice cream went to his head. He was now sitting in the sand, wrestling a sock off of his foot. "Come onnnnn!" He whined, before jumping up again. "Please?" He cocked his head at me and gave me the same puppy-dog eyes he had earlier.
I heard myself sigh, and say "Ok,"
"Yes!" Frank jumped up. I wondered how on Earth he had managed to get this hyper in such a short amount of time. "Come on!" He said, and began tugging up at my shirt. "Well, you gotta take your clothes off to swim!"
"Um, my swim shorts are in my bag." I said.
"I don't care - you can go in your boxers." Frank replied, now pulling at my belt. "Or skinny dip. I don't care which." He looked up at me with a cheeky glint in his eye. I playfully slapped his side. He stuck his tongue out at me. "There!" My boyfriend announced, pulling my trousers down. I immediately turned bright red. He laughed.
"I can undress myself you know!" I said, indignantly.
"Maybe, but you weren't and I enjoy doing it!" Frank announced, straightening up again. I rolled my eyes, then pulled my jeans off from around my ankles. I pulled my sunglasses off of my face and winced when the full brightness of the sun hit my retinas. I dumped them in the sand next to mine and Frank's clothes. I kicked my shoes off, and had barely finished yanking my socks off when Frank grabbed my hand and began to pull me down towards the water.
Having the sun against my bare skin felt nice, as did the wind on my body. My boyfriend was tugging on my hand and pulling me down the beach. I could tell I was going to swim whether I wanted to or not. Eventually (the beach was very big, and the tide very low), we crashed in to the water. Frank was right - it was freezing. He carried on forward though, and when we were waist deep, he let go of my hand and dived under the water. He emerged about a metre away from me, spluttering and shivering.
"You're crazy." I told him.
"Thanks!" Frank beamed at me, as though I had just given him the world's biggest compliment.
"I rest my case." I muttered. My boyfriend must have heard me, as he launched himself forward and tackled me into the water. I winced as my head went under - the sea really was freezing. My feet found the ground, and I pushed up. Frank came up a moment later, his grin stretched from ear to ear.
"I hate you sometimes," I told him, but my smile said I was only teasing.
My boyfriend pouted. "Well, let me change that, then." He murmured. We were both crouching in the water, so he moved forward so we were next to eachother. His black hair was slicked around his brown face, the skin shimmering in the sun. Frank's eyes were alight as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me forward. Our lips met.
He tasted salty and was the perfect compliment to the best day I'd had since arriving in California.
We messed around in the water for a little while longer; splashing and kissing eachother under the burning sun. When we crawled from the water we were both shivering. Frank pulled me down into the sand though and we soon warmed up.
He'd brought some beers along, and for a while we just basked in the sun, sipping then and talking about general shit. After a while I began to feel myself burning. Frank had brought suncream though. Clever guy. We walked up the beach to where the bags were, hand in hand. There we rubbbed suncream over ourselves, then did eachother's backs. I'm not going to pretend I didn't enjoy the feel of his hands running over my spine, pressing the liquid in. I also loved returning the treatment.
After a few hours, we ended up just curled up in the sand. I had put on my swin shorts over my boxers, and my boyfriend was only wearing his boxers. Needless to say, I did very much like this arrangement.
My head was on Frank's chest and we were asking questions again. Some of it wasn't exactly personal, but it was deep shit. Do you beleive in God? Why do you think we're on Earth? Was Green Day better than Bon Jovi? There was some personal stuff too; I'd asked Frank about having sex with another guy and he'd questionned me on what I thought about the whole thing.
Truthfully, I wasn't entirely comfortable talking about it usually, but talking to Frank in this calm, peaceful setting made it easier. My the time the subject changed I was sure of at least one thing - I wanted to... to have sex with him before going back to Jersey. God, it was embarressing even think it.
There was still one question that I hadn't dared ask yet. The one I really wanted to know - that I was curious about above everything else about Frank. The dreams. I knew enough to know they were memories - but what on Earth about? I was clueless, and equally curious. But I'd already asked him so many questions today, so many that had upset him. And I didn't want to hurt Frank any futher. But I wanted to know so much. And if I didn't ask now, when would I be able to?
"Hey, Frank?" I said softly, next time there was a lull in the conversation. I peered up at him from my position on his chest.
"Yeah?" He replied.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but..." I hesitated, still wondering whether to ask or not. "What do dream about? I mean the nightmares?"
The moment the words were out of my mouth, I felt my boyfriend tense under me. The hand that had been stroking my hair stilled and I saw Frank's face form a grimance. My arms were wrapped around him, so I squeezed slightly, to reassure him. However, the warm day did seem to cool by a few degrees.
"You really wanna know, huh?" Frank said finally.
"I am curious." I admitted. And curiousity is a bitch. "But if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."
Silence for a few seconds. "I don't want to tell you. But I'm going to. You deserve to know, and I trust you." He sat up, forcing me to do so as well. We sat in the sand facing eachother, our expressions deadly serious.
"Thank you," was all I could think to say.
"It's ok." Frank sighed. "Just don't interupt - it'd be easier just to get this over and done with." He broke eye contact and stared off into the distance. I kept my eyes on his face and studied his exprression.
"I was thirteen when I first moved here. I started school in September - we'd moved in the summer holidays. The second I stepped inside that place, I was different and not fitting in was like an invitation to be picked on. I was small, skinny and constantly sick. Nobody wanted to be my friend; I was the perfect victim.
"It wasn't too bad at first - just name calling and being an outcast. I didn't fight back or anything, so it just got worse and worse and worse. I'd start coming home from school with cuts 'nd black eyes 'n' stuff. I never told my parents though. I was way too ashamed of the fact I couldn't stand up for myself. I was clumsy anyway, so they swallowed my lies about tripping over and bashing my face. And my lies about having loads of friends.
"Then came the icing on the cake. I ended up a party. I don't know who invited me or how I got there or anything, but I was really, really nervous. So I had a couple of drinks. 'Course I wasn't used to booze so I got pissed pretty quickly. And there was this guy there. He was a year or so older than me and he was really gorgeous. I ended up kissing him. It was a Saturday night and by the following Monday, everyone knew what I'd done. Turns out everyone in the whole damn school was a homophobe.
"The beatings got even worse. Even my parents stopped believing my lies about everything being fine. I tried to fight back once. The guys were a few years older than me - in high school - so I had no chance. I got a detention for it too, so I was late out of school and missed the bus home. So, I walked. I was halfway home when I took a short cut down a back alley.
"It was mid-October then, and it had gotten cold really quickly. It was what - seven at night - so it was already dark. The streets were deserted and this back alley ran between two massive gardens. And of course, who happened to be lurking down that particular alley? The guys I'd tried to punch in school. There was five of them, one of me."
Frank paused here. My eyes were still glued to his face, so I could tell that although he was gazing at the horizon, he wasn't seeing it. His face was sad and almost scared. I grabbed his hands as a gesture of comfort, and stayed silent until he was ready to start again.
"So, they jumped me." He said at last. His hands were tight around mine, and I guessed in his mind, he was reliving that night. I wanted to tell him to stop, to prevent him any futher pain, but I wasn't sure if Frank would here me just then. Besides, I was too intrigued to bring myself to stop him. "They beat me up, worse than I'd ever had before. They were all drinking and I'm pretty sure they were all pissed out of their brains.
"I was crying, telling them to stop. They were laughing at me, taunting me. And then..." Frank took a deep breath, and his eyes filled with tears. "One of them pulled my pants and boxers down. Told me that I was a fag and that I'd 'enjoy this'. Then he shoved his beer bottle up my arse."
He broke down at this point. His gaze dropped from the horizon to study his lap, but not fast enough to hide the tears that were welling in his eyes. I stayed still for a moment, shocked that anyone could have it in them to hurt Frank. He wasn't perfect, but Goddammit - who could hurt a thirteen year old like that? No wonder he still had nightmares about it.
"Hey," I said softly, wrapping my arms around Frank as I did. "It's ok. They're not gonna hurt you again. I won't let them." Although fuck only knows what help I'd be if these guys did try anything again. So I shut up and just hugged him, occasionally murmuring the occasional comfort.
Eventually, he calmed down and pulled out of my grip, still staring at the horizon. "I was such a pathetic little kid. Still am." Frank muttered.
"What?" I couldn't beleive he'd just said that. "Look, it wasn't your fault. You were thirteen for fuck's sake, and there were five of them - you said so yourself. You are not being pathetic. I'm not surprised that you still dream about it. Hell, if it was me I'd probably never even leave the house again."
Frank smiled slightly at that, then shuffled forward to hug me again. He rested his forehead on my shoulder, and I held him close, stroking his back comfortingly. We sat in silence, but I was playing what he'd just said round in my head. Just thinking about it made me wince.
The other thing that was bugging me was the 'tough guy' act Frank put on most of the time. Ok, he hardly went around beating people up, simply because he could, but he defintely was worried about looking weak. And now, I couldn't help but wonder how much of his personality was an act. Truthfully, it seemed like he was hiding a lot about himself.
"Thank you." He mumbled into my bare shoulder.
"What for?" I murmured back.
"Listening to me. Not thinking I'm completely pathetic and weak."
"How could I think that? You're not. You go through it."
"Yeah, but only with Phin's help."
My heart sunk. Of course, she knew. She was the one who helped him! I felt a surge of slightly unreasonable hatred well up inside of me. It was amazing that I managed to keep my voice under control when I spoke. "How does she come into it?"
Frank leaned back again before answering. I kept my arms linked loosely around his shoulders and he smiled slightly at me. "They left me alone after a bit. The guys I mean. They didn't care what happened - just left me down that back alley to die. I would have, I guess. But it was a posh area, and the alley connected Phin's road to the opposite. She found me there. We weren't very good friends then, I'd hung out with her, Jared and Lissa a few times but we weren't close. Anyway, she recognised me, realised more or less what had happened and took me back to her house. We've been best mates since." A small smile appearred on his face.
Not for the first time today, I wasn't sure what to say. But that didn't really matter; it was one of those moments when nothing needed to be said.
Did you enjoy? I've just finished watching The Entity. It was quite good actually, and I'm thinking I may have to write a story based on it. Those of you have seen should be pleased ;) Those of you who haven't - I won't ruin it for you!
Also, does anyone have any stories to recommend? I'm kinda stuck with what to read... If you have any recommendations that'd be great. Just nothing by CosmicZombie, XxFallenAngelXx, padfoot 001, XxlovefrankieroxX, united suck007, or theescapist99. Not because there is anything wrong with them - in fact the opposite! I've either read/am reading/intend on reading pretty much all of their stories. Or loads of the stories are unfinished. Which bugs me.
So yeah. I like Frerard stuff (big shocker there). Also, if you know any good M-preg stuff? I've never read any and tbh I'm kinda intrigued. Yeah, I'm weird like that!
Hope you enjoyed!
Reveiw and Rate people!