I don't own any of the KH chars. or KH or The Sight.
- That was so sad, it made me cry and yet it was so beautufil, so full of emotion. Adding in all those quotes before beginning a section was wonderful. Also liked how you incorporated another literary work into the story as well and how you fit it in at the end to be almost concise with what happened in the game. Oh gawd cries
I wonder, how did you come across the book "The Sight"?
On another note, everyhting seems fine, but you could try proof reading for tiny errors.
Also, with your style of writing, I think it would also be nice to add more words to your diction and make things very detailed (not trying to imply a perverted manner) but it makes things suspenseful. I especially loved how (of course it was following up to the events where Roxas left the organization) but how you threw in a problem to escalate the story (Xemnas telling Roxas who he really was) when everything seemed so perfect between Axel and Roxas (lovewise). In doing that you stabbed the knife of woe into the reader's heart dragging them into what they so desperately did not want to hear (the tragic ending, after that part (roxas and Xemnas), the events became dramatic irony: we know Roxas and Axel cant be together) and yet it is so irresistable to read it and when we reach the end it hurts because thats how it was. "Axel sighed and felt an awful new feeling- loneliness. " what a great and yet sad ending, beautiful.
In reading more into the story, esp up to the part where Roxas found out who he was and his decision he had to make, after that part I didnt want to read the rest (but of course i really did, its just a fear of knowing whats going to happen in the end) but i kept reading. It's like what i heard in a movie once: "there's a part of a person that just doesn't want to know, but then there's the other part that just has to... because just to know will make it easier to sleep at night"
Basically, in the end, you can judge beforehand if something will hurt (like getting in trouble and knowing the ass whooping you're gonna get IS gonna hurt)
We know if we do bad things, we're gonna get a bad booty whooping, thats why we dont do bad things. The fear that comes from reading further is sadness in the end (poor axel) but with disregard for that fear we keep on reading because we can live with contentment in knowing what really happened. The truuuthhhh.
I cried, but it was beautiful. AW man ;_; axel...roxas..
draws a heart