Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > But No One Sees the Gnashing Teeth of My Heart [Frerard]
I arrive at the same familiar park nearly twenty minutes later, having taken my time I managed not to break out into an uncomfortable sweat that would have clashed with the chill this evening was providing. Awkwardly I find myself searching the place, hoping just maybe I'm the late one here and not the other way around. Explaining why you're not on time isn't nearly as difficult as waiting for something that may not happen. After giving the place an observant look, I realize no one's here to be spotted aside from the embarrassingly loud family down in the distant picnic area. I sigh and walk over to the bench I've found comfort in so many times before and take a seat as I do the thing I've been dreading the most. I wait.
"Frank? F-" a foggy voice mumbles. Shortly after being stirred awake, I feel a gentle nudge to the bottom of my foot. My eyes open almost too quickly for my liking and I focus my gaze on the figure before me.
"Now it's you waking me up?" I ask, almost too mortified to speak to Gerard at all.
"I... I guess it is." Gerard answers, his tone close to silence itself while my nerves overtake everything I'm made of and force me to stay quiet as well. "So... you came." Gerard finally speaks as he tucks a few strands of hair behind his left ear. As he moves, I take in his appearance without bothering to offer a sarcastic comment to his obvious statement. Pale, grey, fingerless gloves are the first item to catch my attention. Though they're worn and fraying, they fit him nicely and add a homely touch to his frazzled appearance. Next I see his face. Those bruises have healed nicely, but they left something in their wake. Fear? No... I realize that's not it at all. More like regret for not taking a stand. Or perhaps just wariness of the situation all together. Whatever it is, it suits him oddly enough. That petrified way he hides everything and the almost unattractive habit he has of holding his arms to himself as if to keep from falling apart are just a few other traits that sticks out. But before I'm able to digest his presence, he clears his throat and I'm thrown back into the present; back to the situation I'm in, which currently accompanies the fright of having been caught staring.
"So what did you do today?" Gerard asks as he takes a seat beside of me on the wooden planks this bench is made of. I steal one last glance almost greedily, almost expecting to see that no person's here at all.
"I uh, I went to church with the family. You?" I answer, finding the statement to be so foreign as it leaves my lips. Family. Like it should be such a common word. And yet the expected emotional response or simply any sort of related memories are nowhere to be found. I decide it's best for everyone if I leave my head for a moment and tune into the world around me. Gerard's absently picking at the shredded fabric on his knee cap as he seems to swallow his words and produce better ones in their place.
"I stayed home. Chopped some wood about an hour ago and that's about it." he says, finishing with a quick lick of his chapped licks and an almost silent cough. I wonder if the weather's gotten to him yet, so I ask.
"Sounds... fun. You getting sick?" I add on, almost ready to slap myself for whatever funny look I receive as a response. Instead Gerard turns a bit closer to me, his eyes scoping my face for something I'm too afraid to question.
"Y-yeah. It's nothing, really. Just a cold I think." he answers with a sniff. His fingers are almost angrily rubbing at his nose before he realizes I'm watching and takes them down as nonchalantly as the situation allows. I pay little attention to his embarrassment as I rack my brain for any sort of conversational topic. Anything to make this less painful.
"Oh, maybe you should go to a doctor in case-"
"No. I- I don't like doctors." Gerard says, cutting me off. The apologetic look he gives me is all I need in order to forgive his outburst. "So what are you doing tomorrow? I was wondering if you wanted to uhm... well do anything, really. I have no preferences." he says with a shaky laugh. So many thoughts fly around in my head. Is he always like this? Is it something I'm doing? but I know the answer. I also know that there's no way in hell my mom will lift the duty of grabbing her meds, either.
"I'd love to. I have to go to the hospital, though. Run errands for my mom, y'know. I- I see you there sometimes. Do you help out or?" I remember to ask, almost certain changing the subject was a terrible move on my part. The dark look that casts over Gerard's eyes seems to confirm that.
"Yeah. I volunteer. So after your errands, then?" he asks after a moment, the gulp of air he takes definitely not going by unnoticed.
"I guess it just depends on how late it'll be. I have this new curfew thing and... shit!" I say, cutting myself off and jumping up at once. "What time is it?!" I demand, just knowing I've blown my chances of seeming remotely normal in front of this timid boy.
"Seven fifteen?" he offers after checking the clock on his mp3. His body seems to cower and slowly disappear within his jacket as he waits for my reaction.
"I've gotta leave. 7:30 was my... fuck." I say, scrambling around the place and conflicted. Why couldn't he have come sooner?
"I could drive you." Gerard says in the loudest voice I've heard him use yet. His fingers move to pull his sleeves even further over his skin, the anxiety I've created seeming to weigh on him a lot harder than intended.
"No no, it's all right. She can't get mad over a few minutes, right?" Wrong. Gerard gives me a clueless look and adds a shrug for good measure. I try to stifle a laugh and hide the fact that I'm scared out of my wits she'll take my freedom from me next. "You wanna walk with me? You don't have t-"
"No, that sounds cool. Just let me grab my things." Gerard jokes as he stands up and walks the few feet I've strayed until he's beside of me once again. I smile at how lame he knows he is and start for the road that'll take me back to the place I'd love the most not to be.
"You sure you're allowed? Wouldn't want your parents to worry or anything." I mention as an afterthought. Gerard's quick to assure me that it's fine which causes a twinge of jealousy to run through my system before I'm able to put the statement behind me and continue powerwalking over to my street.
"God you walk fast." Gerard says, having to jog a few steps to catch up with me again. I turn for just a moment to assure him that I'm usually not this rushed when I catch sight of a truck driving straight toward the two of us with little to no usage of its brakes. Before my head has really joined my actions, I grab Gerard's hand and pull him over to the curb where the danger of careless truckdriving is far less common. His stunned expression makes me want to hide away forever. I've really fucked this up, today.
Gerard looks down at our joined hands, his mouth hanging slightly agape but considerably more calm than anyone else's would be in this incident. I tug my hand away from his grasp in a manner I wish I could re-do, but it's made difficult by how strongly Gerard has decided to hold on.
"I'm so sorry I just... I overreacted." I offered, finally getting my hand to myself and giving him a very pained look in the process.
"Nah, that was uhm... nice." Gerard assures me as he rakes his freed hand through the hair hanging over his eyes and flips it a few inches back so his sight is left clear. His smile takes me somewhere I never thought I'd be for a moment. I could almost laugh at how pathetically touched he is, but I wouldn't dare. I throw an unneeded smile his way to match the one that's still frozen on his face before picking up the pace and doubling it to arrive home in time. The lack of chitchat is the only thing I manage to find annoying about this entire trip, but by the time I develop the courage to change that, we're on my street and steadily approaching the door that'll throw me back into chaos.
"So this's the place?" Gerard asks, looking up and undoubtedly comparing it to another house in his head. I nod and stiffly shove my hands into my pants pockets due to the cold.
"I'll see you around?" I ask.
"Tomorrow?" Gerard questions, causing his previous invitation to come flooding back to my attention and cover my head in a momentary guilt.
"S-sure." I agree, knowing full well how in-probable it really is.
"Great." he says stiffly. I'm on the brink of being alarmed when I rightly associate his stifled response with the gust of cool air that's blown around us for the last few seconds. Gerard's smile has melted away, in its place lies a smirk I know I could learn to appreciate just as much. With a wave I turn around and start for the steps leading up to the front door. Before opening the storm door and reaching for the handle, I turn to grab a final glance of the boy who's hijacked my thoughts. His head's ducked low to either avoid the wind or block out our time together. His legs are moving slowly, battling the force of the air in his path. I can't be sure he's even remotely pleased with how the evening turned out because I've learned in the short time of knowing him that his actions rarely shift to anything else. Either way, he looks nearly as pitiful as I feel at the moment and that's enough for it to be the image I fall asleep with and the one that plays before my eyes as I wake up for school.
"Frank? F-" a foggy voice mumbles. Shortly after being stirred awake, I feel a gentle nudge to the bottom of my foot. My eyes open almost too quickly for my liking and I focus my gaze on the figure before me.
"Now it's you waking me up?" I ask, almost too mortified to speak to Gerard at all.
"I... I guess it is." Gerard answers, his tone close to silence itself while my nerves overtake everything I'm made of and force me to stay quiet as well. "So... you came." Gerard finally speaks as he tucks a few strands of hair behind his left ear. As he moves, I take in his appearance without bothering to offer a sarcastic comment to his obvious statement. Pale, grey, fingerless gloves are the first item to catch my attention. Though they're worn and fraying, they fit him nicely and add a homely touch to his frazzled appearance. Next I see his face. Those bruises have healed nicely, but they left something in their wake. Fear? No... I realize that's not it at all. More like regret for not taking a stand. Or perhaps just wariness of the situation all together. Whatever it is, it suits him oddly enough. That petrified way he hides everything and the almost unattractive habit he has of holding his arms to himself as if to keep from falling apart are just a few other traits that sticks out. But before I'm able to digest his presence, he clears his throat and I'm thrown back into the present; back to the situation I'm in, which currently accompanies the fright of having been caught staring.
"So what did you do today?" Gerard asks as he takes a seat beside of me on the wooden planks this bench is made of. I steal one last glance almost greedily, almost expecting to see that no person's here at all.
"I uh, I went to church with the family. You?" I answer, finding the statement to be so foreign as it leaves my lips. Family. Like it should be such a common word. And yet the expected emotional response or simply any sort of related memories are nowhere to be found. I decide it's best for everyone if I leave my head for a moment and tune into the world around me. Gerard's absently picking at the shredded fabric on his knee cap as he seems to swallow his words and produce better ones in their place.
"I stayed home. Chopped some wood about an hour ago and that's about it." he says, finishing with a quick lick of his chapped licks and an almost silent cough. I wonder if the weather's gotten to him yet, so I ask.
"Sounds... fun. You getting sick?" I add on, almost ready to slap myself for whatever funny look I receive as a response. Instead Gerard turns a bit closer to me, his eyes scoping my face for something I'm too afraid to question.
"Y-yeah. It's nothing, really. Just a cold I think." he answers with a sniff. His fingers are almost angrily rubbing at his nose before he realizes I'm watching and takes them down as nonchalantly as the situation allows. I pay little attention to his embarrassment as I rack my brain for any sort of conversational topic. Anything to make this less painful.
"Oh, maybe you should go to a doctor in case-"
"No. I- I don't like doctors." Gerard says, cutting me off. The apologetic look he gives me is all I need in order to forgive his outburst. "So what are you doing tomorrow? I was wondering if you wanted to uhm... well do anything, really. I have no preferences." he says with a shaky laugh. So many thoughts fly around in my head. Is he always like this? Is it something I'm doing? but I know the answer. I also know that there's no way in hell my mom will lift the duty of grabbing her meds, either.
"I'd love to. I have to go to the hospital, though. Run errands for my mom, y'know. I- I see you there sometimes. Do you help out or?" I remember to ask, almost certain changing the subject was a terrible move on my part. The dark look that casts over Gerard's eyes seems to confirm that.
"Yeah. I volunteer. So after your errands, then?" he asks after a moment, the gulp of air he takes definitely not going by unnoticed.
"I guess it just depends on how late it'll be. I have this new curfew thing and... shit!" I say, cutting myself off and jumping up at once. "What time is it?!" I demand, just knowing I've blown my chances of seeming remotely normal in front of this timid boy.
"Seven fifteen?" he offers after checking the clock on his mp3. His body seems to cower and slowly disappear within his jacket as he waits for my reaction.
"I've gotta leave. 7:30 was my... fuck." I say, scrambling around the place and conflicted. Why couldn't he have come sooner?
"I could drive you." Gerard says in the loudest voice I've heard him use yet. His fingers move to pull his sleeves even further over his skin, the anxiety I've created seeming to weigh on him a lot harder than intended.
"No no, it's all right. She can't get mad over a few minutes, right?" Wrong. Gerard gives me a clueless look and adds a shrug for good measure. I try to stifle a laugh and hide the fact that I'm scared out of my wits she'll take my freedom from me next. "You wanna walk with me? You don't have t-"
"No, that sounds cool. Just let me grab my things." Gerard jokes as he stands up and walks the few feet I've strayed until he's beside of me once again. I smile at how lame he knows he is and start for the road that'll take me back to the place I'd love the most not to be.
"You sure you're allowed? Wouldn't want your parents to worry or anything." I mention as an afterthought. Gerard's quick to assure me that it's fine which causes a twinge of jealousy to run through my system before I'm able to put the statement behind me and continue powerwalking over to my street.
"God you walk fast." Gerard says, having to jog a few steps to catch up with me again. I turn for just a moment to assure him that I'm usually not this rushed when I catch sight of a truck driving straight toward the two of us with little to no usage of its brakes. Before my head has really joined my actions, I grab Gerard's hand and pull him over to the curb where the danger of careless truckdriving is far less common. His stunned expression makes me want to hide away forever. I've really fucked this up, today.
Gerard looks down at our joined hands, his mouth hanging slightly agape but considerably more calm than anyone else's would be in this incident. I tug my hand away from his grasp in a manner I wish I could re-do, but it's made difficult by how strongly Gerard has decided to hold on.
"I'm so sorry I just... I overreacted." I offered, finally getting my hand to myself and giving him a very pained look in the process.
"Nah, that was uhm... nice." Gerard assures me as he rakes his freed hand through the hair hanging over his eyes and flips it a few inches back so his sight is left clear. His smile takes me somewhere I never thought I'd be for a moment. I could almost laugh at how pathetically touched he is, but I wouldn't dare. I throw an unneeded smile his way to match the one that's still frozen on his face before picking up the pace and doubling it to arrive home in time. The lack of chitchat is the only thing I manage to find annoying about this entire trip, but by the time I develop the courage to change that, we're on my street and steadily approaching the door that'll throw me back into chaos.
"So this's the place?" Gerard asks, looking up and undoubtedly comparing it to another house in his head. I nod and stiffly shove my hands into my pants pockets due to the cold.
"I'll see you around?" I ask.
"Tomorrow?" Gerard questions, causing his previous invitation to come flooding back to my attention and cover my head in a momentary guilt.
"S-sure." I agree, knowing full well how in-probable it really is.
"Great." he says stiffly. I'm on the brink of being alarmed when I rightly associate his stifled response with the gust of cool air that's blown around us for the last few seconds. Gerard's smile has melted away, in its place lies a smirk I know I could learn to appreciate just as much. With a wave I turn around and start for the steps leading up to the front door. Before opening the storm door and reaching for the handle, I turn to grab a final glance of the boy who's hijacked my thoughts. His head's ducked low to either avoid the wind or block out our time together. His legs are moving slowly, battling the force of the air in his path. I can't be sure he's even remotely pleased with how the evening turned out because I've learned in the short time of knowing him that his actions rarely shift to anything else. Either way, he looks nearly as pitiful as I feel at the moment and that's enough for it to be the image I fall asleep with and the one that plays before my eyes as I wake up for school.
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