**FRERAD** You can't try to change the hurt feelings or mend the broken hearts. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, and hope that you will never regret anything as much as you do now..
To me, the scariest thing about distancing youself from the people you care most about is that you don't know if they'll miss you, or slowly forget you. The little things that remind them of you slowly start to chip away until there's nothing left, leaving you as nothing more than a memory..
It's been two year since I last saw my parents and brother. After I graduated high school I thought that it would be easy; that i would go to a close college and be able to see them when I most needed it. But the only place that I had gotten accepted into was on the other side of the country and we couldn't afford to send me back and forth so I found myself lost for options. But now, after two years of isolation, I decided that I couldn't carry on like this for much longer. I dropped out of college. I don't know where that action is going to take me, right now I don't care. I just want to go home.
I sliently smile to myself as I walk down the familiar path to my home. The louminous moonlight ignighted the chipped and cracked lane, it all seemed to hold it's own beauty that no one seemed to understand. With overgrown flowers winding in all directions and the soft crackling of dead leaves that'd been blow astray under my feet helping me appreciate what I've been missing. It was perfect. I stopped at the door and knocked. The door opened almost imediately and before me was a tall, skinny teenage boy with mousy brown hair which fell softly over his hazel eyes that were identical to my own and wearing a usual band tshirt with dark skinny jeans covering his thin frame. He smiled brightly at me.
I barely had a chance to take a breath before Mikey threw himself on me, taking me in a tight hug, making me drop my luggage.
"Nice to see you too" I laugh.
Mikey pulled me inside the dimly lit home. It was everything that I remembered. The house wasn't big or impressive, but it never failed to give off a homely, welcoming vibe which seemed to wrap itself around you when you enter the front door. I smiled as I breathed in the familiar scent.
"Mom's in bed, if you're wondering." He said.
I just nodded, words seemed to have escaped me.
"Are you tired?" Asked Mikey, seeming eager to get me talking.
"A little" I smiled at him.
"Do you want to sleep?" I could see disappointment written over his face. "You've only just arrived!"
"I know Mikes, and I really want to spend time with you, I've missed you so much. But I doubt that I'm going to be going anywhere for a while, we have plenty of time."
He nodded. " I guess. Well, you don't need me to show you to your room." He said, nodding toward the end of the hall where my room was.
I looked at him and smiled, before pulling him into a second embrace.
"I really did miss you." I said.
"I know. I missed you too. Sweet dreams, Gee." He said, drawing back.
I slipped a small smile before lugging my bag down the hall to my bedroom, which was really the basement, I really didn't mind sleeping there, actually I wouldn't have it any other way. I walked down the stairs and flicked the light on. It blinked rapidly a few times before settling. I dropped my bag and scanned the room, nothing had changed. My art works and posters still hung upon the walls, acting as wall paper because there were so many, my desk crammed with art supplies and comics, my bed which that was usually crinkled and untidy was now neatly made. I smiled. I was home.
It's funny how much you realise you've got once you've lost it. The best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while.
I glance around the room again, this room resembled my youth. I don't regret leaving because I believe leaving changed me for the better. It helped me grow up. When I started high school I still recall the hard time that I had. It still taunts me. I was so full of anger and self hatred that all that was streaming through my mind was revenge. I didn't care what happened to me, just as long as the seniors who bullied me could feel as empty as they made me. They changed me. The made me a sadist and I will never forget the way I felt. They boys who tormented me were seniors, so they left before I had the strength to get back up. But when I became a senior that self pity still lingered..
I took out my revenge on others instead; other kids at my school. I will forever regret that. I became the very person I hate..
Once I left home, however, it was like I had a chance to clear my head.. And I realise that sometimes we forget who we really are. So now I'm constantly wishing I could go back and tell myself what I know now. But that's highschool, i guess.
I learnt that you can't change what's done, you can't go back in time and you can't try to change the hurt feelings or mend the broken hearts. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, and hope that you will never regret anything as much as you do now.
Everyone has a past inside of them that they can never really forget, and still regret deeply. This regret acts out like an anchor and drowns us in ourselves..
I shook the memories off, before lying down on the bed. I didn't even bother getting changed, and as I lay i smiled to myself and slowly fell into a blissful sleep, without a doubt that home is where your heart is.
So I promise it'll get better once it gets into it. I'll just see how it goes(: please r and r it'll really help me out(: Love R xo