Killjoy Frerard. Italics left semi-vague for interpretation. Rated pg-13 for language
“Goddamn it, Gerard! Why the fuck would you do that? You’re a fucking moron!”
“I…I’m sorry…I…I didn’t mean too…” He shrunk into himself, looking at his dust covered shoes.
He refused to let them fall, he was too proud to do cry in front of me, hell, he was too proud to cry in front of anybody. He was shaking slightly, fighting whatever other emotion was going on inside that fucked up head of his.
“Yes you did! We lost four killjoys because of you today, Gerard. Four!”
“Th…I didn’t do it…It wasn’t my fault!”
The car kept swerving under Gerard’s unsteady hands and although it was a straight road in the middle of the desert, I was nervous as hell.
“Party, pull over, let me drive.” He remained silent, the car swerving again, “Goddamnit, Party! Let me drive!” He simply ignored me, speeding up and sniffling. He was going fast—probably 95 or 100 and I was scared shitless. “Holy fuck! You’re going to kill us!”
“Sure it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t walk straight into a trap! Did you think the dracs were just going to let them go? That they weren’t going to slaughter us mercilessly?”
“I didn’t know…I thought it was safe…
I watched the cactuses and Joshua trees fly by, becoming blurs in the light from the setting sun. I could see the base in the distance, the huge building, covered with graffiti and stickers from the past. The past, something I wish I could return too—a time when we all were happy and carefree, playing music for a living, marching with friends and family, loved ones all around us, and our fans.
The Revenge was the last tour before things changed, everything we knew came to a screeching halt, shattering everything we were told. Millions were killed in the bombings, slaughtered by everyone else’s country. The survivors, we joined together and marched in honor of our lost loved ones. We marched through destroyed cities, singing about the one’s we lost. ‘and though you’re dead and gone, believe me, your memory will carry on!’
“It’s a killjoy genocide, Poison, they will do anything to make us believe we’re safe. Even if it means slaughtering their own as well! Don’t you understand? They’re going to kill us all.”
“We won’t let that happen. We won’t let them take us alive.”
“Cut it with the My Chem crap, it doesn’t exist anymore.”
Gerard sped past the base without even glancing at it. He kept driving straight and I didn’t know if he was going to stop.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Shut the fuck up, Iero! Or I will kill us both!” His eyes were suddenly angry and dark, focused on somewhere only he knew. I remained silent, knowing he in fact had the full power to take our lives and cut them short quicker than we could both blink.
“Maybe not to you…”
“No. It doesn’t exist to me, it doesn’t exist to Mikey, it doesn’t exist to Ray, and it shouldn’t exist to you. The past is the past! We can never go back, we can never prevent what happened. You just have to face life as it is now!”
“I’ll never let it go.” The noise my hand made as it hit hard against his cheek echoed throughout the silent desert and he froze, blinking a few times as a bright red handprint began forming on the left side of his face. He turned and looked at me, a new emotion in his eyes I’d never seen in him before.
The radio crackled to life, and I jumped, reaching to grab the device.
“Fun Ghoul, Party Poison, come in!” Dr. D’s voice came through, static-y and loud. I looked at Gerard.
“Tell him we’re fine, and we’ll back at the base later.” He didn’t even blink as he made the orders and I followed them, finding my own hands were shaking.
“Alright, glad you two are safe. See you soon.” I put the mic back, putting my hands in my lap. The sun was dipping below the mountains now, turning the sky a light purple- blue with a red and orange haze over everything. It was quite beautiful, actually, very serene. I wondered where we were going, but figured Gerard knew the place well if he planned on both of us leaving alive.
He made a sudden turn off the road and sped down another dirt one, lined on either side by rocks. My body slammed against the side of the car, causing a hot pain to radiate through my shoulder. I cursed and looked at Gerard, but he was unfazed.
“Get in the fucking car.” He didn’t say a word as he stalked off, red hair blowing in the wind. “fucking dumbass.”
I saw a building quickly approaching and was curious as to what the hell it was for. It was small, with spray paint all over it that didn’t belong to BLI or the killjoys. The windows were dusty, but mostly intact and it looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. The car came to an abrupt halt about 30 feet away, Gerard climbing out and slamming the car door behind him, walking towards it. He walked behind the building before I jumped out of the car and ran after him.
“Poison?” I asked timidly, not seeing him on the east facing wall. “Poi-“ Suddenly, I was grabbed by the shoulders and slammed against a wall, the gun taken out of my holster before I could grab it. Lips met mine and thankfully, I realized it was Gerard. I kissed back just as passionately, anger flowing between both of us. I knotted my fingers in his hair, pulling slightly and earning a slight moan from him. Our tongues were entangled in a furious dance and I was almost confused when I felt a wetness on my cheeks. In a matter of seconds, Gerard’s face was removed from mine and he was facing away from me, hands knotted in his hair and his knees bent below him. He was choking out sobs , his blue jacket shaking with the jerky movements of his ribcage. I’d only ever seen him cry twice, and he was drunk both times, this time, he was sober, and I knew the tears were because of me.
I wasn’t angry anymore, and I shouldn’t have been to begin with. Guilt was twisting my stomach into knots and I felt nauseous, watching my best friend break down in front of me. I walked over a kneeled next to him, rubbing his back gently.
“I’m s-sorry, Frankie…I didn’…I didn’t …I didn’t mean to kiss you…I just… I’m sorry. I so sorry…” He’s apologizing for kissing me?
“Gee,” He looks up at me, choppy breaths even more ragged then before. “I need you to listen to me, alright, because everything I’m about to say in completely true.” He nods, so I continue, “What I said tonight was wrong, awful, cruel and wrong, and I shouldn’t have hit you…I’m so sorry, that was stupid and moronic and I apologize, but that’s not what I was trying to say.” I get on my knees so I’m more comfortable and hold his face in my hands. “I miss you, Gerard. I miss kissing you and holding you close even if it was onstage infront of thousands of people. When you kissed me, it got me through the night, but I always found myself wanting more,” I smile at his eyes shining with disbelief, “and more. I wanted to be yours, to hold your hand and kiss you in private, kiss you in public, fuck I just wanted to kiss you and never stop. I wanted to sit on the couch and snuggle with you, sharing a cup of coffee and watching Tim Burton movies and Donnie Darko. I wanted to fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat every night I could. I wanted all of you, and everything that came with it. I was in love with you. ” He looks down and plays with his hands. “Look at me.” His eyes timidly meet mine, and I take a deep breath. “and I still am.”
I lean down and kiss him softly, him laying down and letting me climb on top of him. He told me everything I needed to know through that kiss and it was perfect. He was mine and I was his at last. I intertwined our fingers and held him close, eventually pulling away to listen to the beat of his heart. We were laying on the floor of an abandoned shack, but it was surprisingly comfortable, and the desert air kept us warm. I fell asleep next to the love of my life, happier than I could ever be, and for once, everything was perfect.