Kathleen threatens Eliza and Gerard.
The chapter title is The Used.
Empty With You
As we pulled into the school car park my heart was beating so fast it felt as if it was about to explode. I knew I shouldn’t feel scared by Kathleen and the others, but for some reason I did and I couldn’t help it. It was more nerves than anything but what exactly I was nervous of I didn’t know. I had never really been scared of Kathleen before, in fact, me and Gerard used to laugh at her.
How could I be so scared of someone who I used to find pathetic and, well, un-scary?
Gerard and I had had a nice morning. We went for coffee in the small café in town. Gerard remembered my coffee order which I appreciated greatly. We sat and drank our coffees by the window where we always used to sit, on the opposite side to where I had sat with Kathleen so it wasn’t tainted. The windows were steamed with condensation from the misty weather outside and the warm temperature from inside.
We talked and laughed like we had never kissed, or touched, or Gerard had never even told me that he loved me, which only added to the appreciation I felt for my best friend as I knew it must have been hard for him. Hard for him to forget his feelings and pretend to just be my friend. I tried not to catch myself up in my selfishness. I tried to forget that he loved me too, but it was difficult not to think about how pefect our lips felt when they were together, how right it felt when I kissed him. But I had to, it was my idea that we remained friends for the moment, I couldn't go back on my word and mess Gerard around even more.
So I left it, and we had a great time.
Alas, the dreaded time of quarter past elven soon dawned upon us. The time in which we would have to go to school and I would have to face my nightmares.
Gerard parked the car and pulled the keys out to stop the engine. He lifted his head to look at me, and as always I could feel his stare burn into me as I kept my focus on my clasped hands in front of me.
“It’ll be okay.” He said, as if he could read my thoughts.
I could have sworn he could see straight through me at times.
“I know it will.” I said shakily as I tried to keep my tone steady. But I knew that he knew I was terrified. I was terrified of what they could do, of what they would do. I had become so used to being treated almost well by them that I had forgotten what it was like to be beaten up for nothing, have my face shoved down a toilet for getting in their way or simply have my life ruined just for being different. It wasn’t until I saw all of these things happen to people in front of me I remembered what it was like.
One time Kathleen’s target was a first year. She was only eleven and decided to wear a Slipknot tee shirt to school. When I saw her I knew she was fucked. I remember her muffled cries for help as Kathleen and Meghan flushed her poor little head down the one of the dingy school toilets, the others simply stood by and laughed.
Then there was me, useless and pathetic as I watched, unable to do a thing to help the girl. Oh but I wanted to so badly. I wanted to push all of those whores out of my way and then yank Kathleen’s slutty hair backwards until I pulled the extensions out. I wanted to hear her scream and cry like she was making the girl do.
But I couldn’t. I was too scared and selfish. So I just left her there when Kathleen had finished with her fun.
“She’s boring, stupid bitch.” I remembered her say. “Come on girls lets go.” So I abandoned her, I left her crying on the toilet floor, her hair soaked and her tee shirt ruined.
I wanted to murder all of them.
“Eliza?” I snapped my head round.
“Where did you go?” He laughed, referring to my distant behaviour.
“Nowhere.” I murmured and unstrapped myself. “It was a joke.” Gerard grinned, and then frowned.
“Eliza, I promise it will be okay.” He took hold of my hand. “I’m here now, you don’t have to worry.”
I looked up at him and gave a weak smile. “I know.” I said, this time a little more confidently.
I stepped out of the car and shut the door behind me, then looked around the deserted car park. There wasn’t a sign of anyone since it was almost the end of break, so I hoped that we wouldn’t be met by Kathleen or any of the others until at least lunch time.
“What do you have first?” Gerard asked as he began to lead me toward the school. “Art.” I replied. “You do know we’re in the same class?”
“Really?” Gerard beamed. “That’s awesome!” I smiled widely back at him and took his hand in mine as we continued to walk toward the school.
Once we had made it to the edge of the piazza I was beginning to feel a little less worried of seeing Kathleen as there was no sight nor sound of her.
It wasn’t until we reached half way across the piazza we saw the flock of bitches smoking, appearing from the designated smoker’s area.
“Fuck.” I heard Gerard curse, miming my exact thoughts.
“It’s fine.” I panicked, pulling on Gerard’s hand. “If we hurry up we might miss them, or they won’t notice us or something.” Even I knew that that was wishful thinking. Who wouldn’t notice a raven haired, ghostly pale boy dressed almost all in black, walking hand in hand with an equally pale, tired, deathly looking long blonde haired girl in a very large and empty space?
I tried to make Gerard walk quicker, but in the end we both gave up.
“So it is true.” Kathleen snarled once they had quickly approached us. “I actually thought Alex and Ashley were having us on, but it’s true!”
I didn’t say anything in return and neither did Gerard. He knew that there was no real point in retorting to Kathleen where as I was scared stiff. I thought that maybe if I kept quiet she would leave us alone.
“So you’ve really gone back to playing with your freaky Emo boyfriend.” She carried on, taking a drag of her burnt out cigarette. “Ashley said you came home in his car yesterday. Did you spend the day together?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my shoes.
“Is that why you weren’t in school?” She spat, chucking the cigarette behind her. “I bet you were fucking each other, weren’t you? You filthy little whore.”
“No!” I yelled, feeling both embarrassed and seething, like I wanted to rip her stupid fake head off.
Gerard simply rolled his eyes and urged me to class.
“Eliza, don’t bother. Come on lets go.” He walked ahead, and I tried to follow but Kathleen had grabbed hold of the top of my shirt. She was taller than me, so it was easy for her to yank me up by my collar.
I could hear what sounded like Kim, Meghan, Lisa and Ashley sniggering behind Kathleen as she hissed in my face. “Mark my words you are going to regret messing with me you stupid bitch. We’re going to ruin you.” She whispered with hate.
“And once Alex knows you really have gone back to that thing, he is going to fuck both of you up. Believe me.”
She stated as I stared into her cold blue eyes with horror.
“Hey, let go of her!” I heard Gerard shout, his footsteps became louder as he saw what Kathleen was doing.
“It’s okay.” She said calmly and dropped me. “We’ve finished here, for now.” Kathleen glared at me before turning her back, and just when I thought they were all going to leave, she stopped and called back to me.
“Oh Eliza, I’d put some more make up on if I were you, you look like utter shit.”
Her friends broke into shrieks of laughter and finally left, apart from Ashley, who followed them but didn’t laugh. She looked back at me and to my shock she mouthed that she was sorry.
I sighed. I was thankful for Ashley’s apology but It didn’t help the fact that our lives were about to become hell once again.
“Ignore her Eliza.” Gerard put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him as we carried on walking to class. “She can’t do anything.”
“You know that’s not true.” I said through gritted teeth, anger starting to hit me. “I hate her Gerard I fucking hate her.” I began to feel burning tears of rage swell behind my fragile eyes.
“Don’t you dare cry over her.” Gerard commanded softly.
When we were in the art block he stopped before we entered the class which we were already late for and held me tightly against him as I fought to hold the angry tears back.
“I won’t let them do this to us again babe.” He whispered. “They’re not gonna’ be able to do anything to you when I’m here. You know that.”
I nodded in agreement against Gerard’s chest, but as much as I trusted him, inside I knew Kathleen was unstoppable, indestructible and even Gerard couldn’t prevent her. I had messed with the biggest bitch around and now she had found fault with me there was no chance for either of us, especially now Alex was involved.
A lent further into Gerard’s embrace and inhaled his sweet smell. I found comfort in the fact that he was my best friend and now, no matter how bad things got I had him back. Nothing else mattered. In the long term I didn’t care what Kathleen did. She could kill me for all I was concerned, as long as I died knowing that Gerard had come back for me I would be happy.
It was only the short term problems that I was going to find difficult.