Seb went back to the bus and left me standing outside. I stayed there, not really in the mood to face the rest yet. Just thinking. Staring into nothing and thinking about was seb just said.
Why should I tell Pierre first?
Does he know about that as well?
And does he know something about Pierre?
Would Pierre actually like me the way I like him?
Stop it David. Stop giving yourself hope. He would probably think that you’re a pathetic fag.
After like 3 minutes I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I might have jumped a little. But that’s because I already knew whose hand it was. I knew that hand way to good.
‘Damn Pierre, you scared the hell out of me’ I said while turning around.
Was closer than I thought he would be. He stood there, only centimeters away from me. I stared into his eyes, his beautiful, gorgeous brown eyes and I just wanted to… STOP there David. After all these years I’ve become pretty good at controlling myself around him, even if he was this close.
He leaned a bit forward.
He was even closer now. And he still didn’t say anything.
He just stared into my eyes. And I stared back.
He came closer every second and before I realized it his lips were touching mine.
The first second I was in shock but when I realized what was happening I kissed back. I place my hand on his neck and pulled his head closer, making the kiss more intense. He placed his hand on my back, pulling my body closer to his. This was what I’ve been wanting for so long, but I couldn’t figure out why it was finally happening.
I felt him open his mouth and asking permission to enter mine with his tongue. I gave him what he wanted and the kiss became even more intense.
Our tongues wrestling over the power in my mouth. He won. I let out a soft moan of pleasure and he replied this by pulling me even closer to him.
Then he pulled back, but I was still longing for more.
I didn’t got more. He stepped away. One step… two steps.. and just sat down on the ground.
‘omg David, I’m so sorry’ he whispered. ‘I couldn’t control myself anymore’
He was apologizing! He felt guilty for kissing me.
‘no Pierre don’t say sorry’ I kneeled down next to him. Holding his hand. He looked at his hand in mine and wanted to pull away but I held it even better. Then he looked at me, his eyes full of guilt. Maybe even regret.
Does he regret kissing me?
‘I’m so.. so sorry’ he whispered again. ‘I don’t care if you hate me now. You don’t have to be so nice. It’s okay. You can punch me in my face. You can run away and call me a worthless fag. I guess that is what I am. I deserve all of that.’
He was summing up am MY fears. All my thought that I thought would have happened when I kissed him.
‘no Pierre, I won’t hate you. Hating you is the last thing of my mind.’ I replied to him. He wanted to speak back but I hushed him. ’You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that. Since the first time I saw you Pierre, since that moment all my dreams have been about you. That’s why I kissed back. Because it was my deepest darkest wish inside. Just having a moment like this with you. And if you regret it you have to say it now.’ I was silent. Waiting for him to say the words I feared so much. About a minute passed until he spoke.
‘You don’t remember anything about that night, do you’ he said half laughing, half crying. I thought about what he could’ve meant but nothing comes to my mind
‘what are you talking about?’ I asked him shyly, trying not to hurt his feelings.
‘yeah I thought so. You were pretty drunk. Well you remember that party we were a couple days ago?’ I knew what party he meant, but as he said, I got myself pretty drunk that night.
‘I remember arriving there but after that it’s a big blur’ I said a bit laughing, but when I saw he didn’t laugh with me I stopped. ‘Did I do something stupid that night?’
‘We kissed’ he said blankly.
I couldn’t get my mind around it. WE KISSED? And I was drunk? I’m such an IDIOT!
I stared at him in shock when he spoke again.
‘after that kiss nothing has been the same for me. I’ve been tossing and turning around it. I cried myself to sleep one night! I just couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t be in love with you. Not because of you, but I just couldn’t be gay! But then I started to notice that I didn’t look at girls anymore but at guys. And last night, that fan that was flirting with you. I was jealous! I couldn’t believe myself! My sexuality turned 180 degrees. I felt dirty on one hand but on the other hand I never felt so good. I felt free! And madly in love! Just one stupid drunk kiss did that all. And I was convinced that it didn’t mean anything to you. Guess I was right, since you don’t remember anything of it. Guess that this kiss didn’t mean anything to you either. GOD how could I’ve been so stupid!’
I was in shock. Pierre was madly in love? With ME?! And he thought that it didn’t mean anything to me! I just started laughing. I don’t know why, I just laughed. Pierre looked at me like I was going crazy. Okay maybe I was.
When the laugh shocks became a bit slower I started to speak again.
‘omg Pierre, didn’t you listen. I’ve been in love with you for years! You don’t know how happy you’re words just made me! Sorry I couldn’t remember but if I would’ve remembered that in would’ve been one of the best things that ever happened to me.’ With that I shut my mouth. I just looked into his eyes, leaned forward and kissed him again. More romantic this time. Just a comforting kiss that says “I love you”. When I pulled back we looked into each other’s eyes once again and he smiled at me. Of course I smiled back and I leaned my forhead against his.
‘I love you Bouvier’ I whispered. ‘always have and always will’
‘I love you to Desrosiers’ he replied and gave me another kiss. ‘just one problem’
‘what’s the matter babe’ I asked already loving the new nickname I can give him.
‘We have to tell the guys about… well… us’ he said it with a scared look in his eyes.
‘and we will. Right now’ I wasn’t scared about telling them anymore. Not now I had Pierre by my side. I got back on my feet again and helped Pierre up as well. I took his hand into mine I looked at him.
‘Let’s do this’ he said a little unsure.
‘Let’s do this’ was my reply and together we walked back to the tour bus. Hand in hand.