I spent lunch time on my own. I was too messed up to try to find my brother and annoy him with my issues; he had to deal with that enough when we were at home. Instead, I went and sat on the field which I had discovered at break, plugging myself into my MP3 player, and letting the drum beats and heavy bass line lull me into a sense of security. I never ate lunch; I very rarely even ate breakfast. I didn’t want it. Mikey always pestered me, saying I had to eat otherwise I would get ill, but I ignored him. He was really skinny anyway, so he didn’t get how I felt about my body. He wouldn’t understand.
The rest of the school day passed in a daze, I didn’t pay attention, and to be perfectly honest I didn’t want to pay attention. I hated school. Plus, I was scared of the boy. I was scared that he would do to me what other people had done to me so many times before, i.e. beat me up. He had that over confidence about him that all the other bullies I had the misfortune to come across had. I hoped from the bottom of my heart that this place wouldn’t be the same from the others, id have to stay at this school till I graduated, as I had gone through all the other schools in the area.
As I was waiting outside the front of the school for Mikey so that we could walk home together I saw the boy again, surrounded by his friends. By the way the others were fawning over him; I guessed that the boy was the ‘ring leader.’ And he was also currently making his way towards me in the shadows. I shrank back, trying to make myself as unnoticeable as possible, but I didn’t do it very well. Stopping right in front of me he grinned, displaying a wide smile filled with perfect teeth.
“Hey there. You gonna come out of the bush and talk to me, or are you gonna carry on pretending you have the power to be invisible?” as jokingly as he may have said that, the last option did sound very enticing. Still, I inched forwards until I was fully in the open and stood there, nervously facing the gang.
“What’s your name?”
The boy smiled at the fact that I had replied to him, even if it was a timid and quiet reply.
“Well, bunny, I’m Frank. The people behind me are Ray, he pointed to a tall boy with an unfeasible amount of curly hair “Bob,” a slightly smaller blond boy, “and Brendon.” He finished, gesturing towards the final boy, who was tall and had the poutiest lips I had ever seen on a guy.
“We own this place. If we don’t like you, you go down. So you’d better get on my god side or I’ll thump you.” I didn’t doubt that for a second. “See you around rabbit. Boo.” With the last word he leaned into my face, causing me to flinch and whimper slightly, to my embarrassment. Frank smirked, before saying “See you around; never know when I might need you.” My breath caught as I heard those words. I didn’t even want to know what they meant. And with that, the group left me, laughing and joking with each other. I turned slightly, to see my brother staring at me. I flushed and hurried over to him.
“It’s nothing, honest. Can we go?” I muttered. Mikey didn’t believe me, but nodded anyway setting off in the direction towards our house.
“How was your day? I saw you make friends, well done.” I tried to make conversation, to detract some of the awkwardness that had settled over the two of us. It was obvious that Mikey thought I was being bullied again. I wasn’t sure what was going on, if I was honest.
Mikey looked at me for a moment before answering. “Yeah, my day was pretty good actually, considering it was my first day. I did make friends, they seem pretty cool. Why didn’t you come and say hello at break? I saw you hanging around.”
I sighed slightly. “I didn’t want to cramp your style,” I said reaching over to Mikey and nudging him slightly. Mikey was the only person in my life who I would willingly touch.
“Did you eat anything?” Mikey asked, looking at me for as long as he could before having to return his attention to the path in front of him. I knew we would end up at this topic; Mikey was obsessed with my food intake. To make him feel better I lied.
“Yes, Mikes, I had some pizza. Quit worrying about me please!” Mikey frowned at me for a moment, stopping in the middle of the path to gaze into my face probably trying to work out if I was telling the truth or something. I kept my face looking as innocent as possible. It seemed to work, since Mikey just sighed, turned and carried on walking to our house.
I had the door key, and I let us both into the cold empty house. I was kind of glad that mum wasn’t home, so I would have to talk to her. Instead, I made my way down into my room and sat on my bed, head in my hands. I hoped to god that I was gonna be okay at this new place. And, as hard as I tried to lie to myself, I had to admit that Frank intrigued me. There was something about him, the way he carried himself, the ‘bad boy’ image that he pulled off effortlessly, and maybe the fact that his eyes were the strangest I had ever seen. Green brown, flecked with gold. They were so pretty. I sighed. Well, I guess I would have to reconsider what I had said this morning about me not being gay. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. story of my life I thought to myself.
Still. Frank scared me. He was intimidating, and I didn’t really like that aspect of his personality. It reminded me of it. Of my problem. And I didn’t think I could handle that. I took a deep breath, to steady myself.
“Gerard!” I looked up at the sound of my brother’s voice.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“Dinner’s ready! You better come up!”
I sighed again. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want anything except to forget, and to sleep painlessly. It was difficult for me to get to sleep most days.
“I’m coming!” I yelled standing, and stumbling up the steps from my basement bedroom.
In the kitchen Mikey was stood by the hob, mixing what appeared to be some kind of substance involving pasta in a saucepan. He looked up, seeing me standing in the doorway, his eyes brightening at the sight of me.
“You came up!” he said happily, transferring the blobby mixture onto two plates and setting them down on the table. It didn’t really look very appetising.
As a true show of how amazing my brother was, Mikey slid a cup of coffee next to my plate and nodded at me to sit down. I slumped on the chair, reaching for the coffee and practically inhaling it. I swear that beverage was made in heaven or something, nothing could compete with it.
“Eat up then,” Mikey said, sitting down in the chair opposite mine, watching me intently. Yes, this was how bad it had got, Mikey thought it was necessary for him to sit and watch me as I ate. Slowly I picked up the fork, ever mindful of the gaze fixated on me and poked it at the mess on the plate. God, it even looked unappealing. I lifted the fork till it was eye level and just stared at the offending food. I didn’t want it, not after what he had said about me. I flicked my eyes back up to Mikey who still hadn't touched his food; he was still waiting for me. Fuck, there was no way out of this. Why didn’t I just stay downstairs?
Slowly, the fork inched towards my mouth and I nibbled on the end of the piece of pasta, grimacing in distaste. It looked awful, it smelt awful and it tasted awful. I didn’t want it. I didn’t need it. Still, I looked up at Mikey and smiled wanly. Mikey looked pleased and smiled right back, putting his mug on the table and picking up his knife and fork before attacking the meal like a madman.
“Jesus Christ.” I laughed. “What has that meal ever done to you?”
Mikey looked up from harassing his plate and giggled slightly.
“I’m hungry.” Was his explanation. I looked down at my fork again. I shoved the tube of pasta into my mouth, chewed briefly and swallowed before I could think about what I was doing. I wanted to make Mikey happy, I really did, but I didn’t want to eat. By the time I had eaten four of the little pasta pieces, Mikey had scarfed down most of a plateful. We started to chat about inconsequential things.
“So.” I said, pushing the food round the plate with my fork. “Who was that girl you were sitting next to in the canteen?” I was trying to distract Mikey from the fact that I wasn't really eating anything, but at the same time I was actually quite interested. I was, of course, talking about the girl who had the blue hair, and who Mikey had been interacting with the most. I didn’t blame him; she looked like a right laugh.
“Who? The blue-haired one? Oh that’s Olivia; she’s great, really cool. She was telling us this story at lunch about how she had managed to get stuck under her wardrobe once, and how she couldn’t get out of it and had to phone up her mate. It was the funniest fucking thing ever.” I noticed that as Mikey started to talk about this Olivia, he began to blush slightly.
“Aw, Mikey boy, you got a crush?” I teased, laughing at how red Mikey went.
“Shut up.” He mumbled before shovelling a massive mouthful into his gob, effectively ending the conversation. I was surprised how little time it had taken Mikey to find someone he liked; he usually didn’t trust anyone for a while after we started schools. That Olivia girl must have been really awesome.
I managed to eat about an eighth of the plate before I couldn’t take any more. I sighed and pushed away the offending piece of food. Mikey looked disappointed but nodded and smiled briefly.
“At least you tried.” Was all he said on the matter.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. RATE AND REVIEW GUYS, RATE AND REVIEW. Oh and to @akiwigrimling on twitter and your lovely friend, who I hope is enjoying this, you are superstars. Okay. I'm done.