Categories > Original > Drama1 Reviews
do you think this is to dark to give in?
I lay on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling. I could still head the occasional shout from downstairs. I turned my headphones up higher drowning the noise out. The music blasted into my ears, flooding through my body. I hadn't noticed the tear rolling down my cheek until it reached the corner of my mouth. The loud song I was listening to finished and a slower, quieter one came on and I could suddenly hear the outside world. I could hear my parents yelling downstairs. I could hear the sadness in the birds calls. I could head the lonely rustle of the leaves in the trees as birds and bugs left them. I could hear the cries of all the people who felt alone and desperate and wrong. I could hear the screams of the beaten and bullied. I could feel the ghosts of the murders and the suicides. I could feel the depression of the world. It was over powering and heartbreaking. I wanted to shut it all off and shut it all out. Lock myself away from the world. Lose myself in the music. Just for a second.
I had lost track of what my parent were arguing about now. I saw no point the their arguments. Neither of them were going to give up and apologise. Neither of them wanted to loose but there was really no point wining either. There was nothing left to win any more. Then hadn't always argued like this. There was a time I could remember when they didn't argue but sometimes I wonder if it I just didn't see it. The world is always so innocent from the eyes of a child. You don't see the imperfections in everything because your not looking for them. The world was so simple when I was a child. I wish I could be as free as I was back then. Not worrying about everything. I sometimes wonder if there is anyone on this earth who is truly happy.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to kill myself but it always seemed such a selfish thing to do. People had lives that were much worse than mine ad it just caused more pain for people to clean up behind you. Then again you wouldn't be around to see the pain you left behind. The havoc you reeked. And that was the beauty of it. It was selfish but you would never know that selfishness. You would never know anything ever again. When I was younger I used to shut my eyes and try and picture death. All I could picture was blackness and I though how boring that would be but I wouldn't even know the blackness if I was really dead. I wouldn't now the boredom. I wouldn't know the pain. Nothing. It's the freest a person can ever if you even were a person any more.