Haven't decided where...
I don't care about much of anything anymore. When I hear the news that a kidnapped American boy was taken to a French hospital, tattoos burning into his skin, I don't really care. I didn't so much as consider going to visit him.
It's not like he would visit me. Frank, I'm certain it's him. I'm not truly a masochist (a sadist is arguable), so I don't go to see the man that started my lust for bloodshed on a whole new level.
Every moment I'm not sleeping, or thinking about how much I don't care, I'm killing. And there's nothing beautiful about it.
I've decimated the population of a small town already, in just five days. The world and authorities are at a loss. They know someone came, and they can match the fingerprints to my record, but they can't find me. They never can.
I've massacred everyone I can that so much as breathes. Frank breathes. Frank worms around my mind, people making a gesture he's made reminds me of him, everything reminds me of him. Frank Iero is crawling around inside my brain like a mad bug bent on destroying everything.
I hate how everything reminds me of him and how much I deny missing him.
I don't miss his mouth on mine, the callouses on his fingers. I don't miss his warm breath, I don't miss the way he'd talk to me softly, like he actually cared. I don't miss wanting to be perfect for him, and I certainly don't miss the way he finally accepted that I kill people, that I'm a monster. He tolerated that I'm a monster. How could I miss that? And I never long for the feelings he gave me, I could never miss that he actually seemed to care.
I don't miss it, I really don't.
Because he lied to me, all the things that he said were all lies.
He lied to me, broke me, made me into a mindless, careless killing machine.
I almost chuckle. What would Frank say if he saw me now? If he saw the malice in my eyes as I hack this defenseless girl limb from limb?
Oh, right. I don't care. Can't you see that? Why do you keep silently doubting the truth of my words?
It's not ridiculous that I still think of Frank so much. Over the last month I've gotten used to his presence, and the last few days without him have only been noticeable because I'm used to him being with me. It's not like I love him.
It's all so ridiculous. It's stupid. It's stupid that you think I'm glad Frank won't be sad when I die. It's silly you think I want his love.
Because in all honesty I could care less.
Frank is nothing to me. No, he needs to be nothing to me.
If he is something, I can't take it. I'll break.
...Has that already begun?
I sigh, throwing the body of a dead girl aside. Death is the blood to my vampire, and my vampire hasn't been going hungry as of late. In fact, it's been somewhat overfed.
Of course I want the death around me. I want to watch the life drain from their saucer-like, fear filled eyes, watch their hope wither away. I want it to drown out my every emotion, cover my every inner scream that I deny is present.
I want to kill them, I want to kill them because it symbolizes killing my love for Frank Iero. But there are always more.
It's only been a few days since I left Frank, and God is holding a meeting for all the sins. I've never met the others before. For now I'll just pretend I don't know that Frank is the new lust after I killed Leon. I'll grin at the meeting, but I won't bare it. My grin won't be pleasant, it'll be packed full of all my hate.
Or really, all of my discarded love that won't leave me alone.
I wonder if I'll kill anyone. Not that it matters, because I don't fucking love Frank Iero.
*Sighs. My step-mum and dad are fighting. I can hear them through the walls. So. This broke my usual 1000 words or a long author's not/apology to make up for it rule. Sorry. I couldn't really drag this out much longer. I did enough of that, I think!
So. I dunno why, must have been one of my weird whims, but I re-did my makeup just to type this up. (shrugs) I eye-lined my lips blue and thickly coated my eyes in the same color. I haven't used blue for a while, and because my hair is now green, not blue, I think I can apply it to my face again!
I went to a tattoo convention this weekend. It was really cool! I was kind of embarassed at being the only one without a tattoo, but I was also the only teenager there. So yea. A girl got a vagina tattooed on her armpit. I thought that was awesome. (It has nothing to do with how incredibly hot she was)
Well, review! There are few chapters left of this story, and I'm going to be wrapping it up soon. And no, Gerard isn't going to just die in the end. It's going to be much more dramatic.
R N R or I...hm. running out of threats... Or I'll castrate you/rip out your uterus! (I told some girls I'd rip out their uterus today... they screamed and ran away (shrugs))