Cain Mershaw is no ordinary twenty three year old girl. Haunted by the past and nightmares that seem so unreal. What happens when she meets Gerard Way who is rotting in misery himself?
With much love and consideration...
They say that life is supposed to be filled with struggles and trials. Some say that the life we are currently living is nothing but a test for when we finally are standing at the gates of judgement.
I am number 2658964, atleast that is the number I was given when I decided that it was a good time to become state property. At the moment I am a number, I am a body that this place benefits off of just for my presence. At the moment I am an inmate.
Seven hundred and twenty-nine days, that is one day shy of two years. Seven hundred and twenty-nine days of incarceration in this place that I would like to call hell.
You see I didn't get to spend my sentence in a prison. Oh how I wished I could of gone to prison, how lovely that would of been, and I am not being sarcastic. This is my luck, when I decided that I was going to get arrested a new law had just passed stating that a "county lid" which means one year is now three years. Meaning that you need to be sentenced to three years or more to go upstate to prison. So, my entire sentence was spent in county jail. My two year sentence spent in a place where it isn't an eight man cell with a television set, no it's a seventy five man dorm. So I found myself in a cramped dorm with seventy four other women. Try sticking it out for two years in that.
But it's only two years. That's my sick thinking by the way. It's only time, only two years.
"Hey Cain, word on front street is that you are getting out pretty soon.".
My mind hasn't been able to wrap itself around the idea of freedom quite yet. But that is common, that is what would happen everytime I would be released from jail or prison. It doesn't really sink in until I have my own clothes that I came in with back on.
I began to wonder how they smelled right now. Sitting in a bag in property. I came in smelling of cigarettes and beer. I remembered it as if it were yesterday.
"How long have you been here partner?". Carla threw down a card of the table, a six of clubs.
I looked into the eyes of my partner of this card game we were playing. That's right no one cared about you until you were either being released sometime soon or you were in an arguement that led to a fight. That was just the way it worked around here.
"Only two years today." I watched the girl sitting next to me throw down a king of clubs. She smiled, confident that she had one this one for her and her partner.
"What is the first thing you are going to do when you get out?". Carla asked.
I normally never have an answer for this one. Because I never know what I'm doing when I get out. I always knew how it would end up though after trying to do the right thing. It would normally end up with me just completely fucking it all off and ending up in a fucked off situation and then behind bars in jail issue once again. I always see it coming, even before I get out of jail I see it happening. I even make bets on how long will it take before I come back.
"Well I will probably have a cigarette and a beer. You need to remember what was and wasn't thrown down.". I gestured to the girl beside me who thinks she won this little book for her and her partner.
"I'm moving to New Jersey into a house that my biological father left me." I threw down the ace of clubs, knowing I won this one for my partner and me.
Carla smiled. "Well aren't you lucky? Your father left you an entire house. That's pretty cool of him."
I looked at my partner, she was much older than me. She has been here several times, in and out within the last two years that I have spent here. She must be in her forties but like alot of the other women here, act like they are sixteen years old. They gossip and start up shit that they never intend on finishing.
We have a word for that, and that word is "Truck".
A truck is a term we use to label someone that is pretty much running their own program. Shows very little respect for the other women and is straight up loud. Can you say truck?
Breathing in fresh air, the first breath of freedom. I inhaled deeply after stepping out of intake. A wave of comfort washed over me as the cold air tickeld my bare shoulders. Getting released in a tank top and a pair of short shorts that no longer seemed to fit. I have gained a bit of weight, I am at what you would call a healthy weight. My body seemed to have more curves, my bra was feeling a bit uncomfortable considering that it was probably two or three sizes to small. As uncomfortable as my clothes felt for the first time in a long time I was no longer on probation or parole, I was no longer number 2658964 and I couldn't be happier.
My name is Cain Mershaw, I am twenty three years old. I like alot of things but I don't like alot of things. I have more dislikes than likes. I believe in hell and I believe more than anything that hell is what we are living in now. The world is full of suffering and I believe we are meant to suffer. My life is what you would call difficult, only because I made it that way.
My name is Cain Mershaw and I am an alcoholic.