Will a certain Quinn Allman show Bert McCracken that beauty doesn't always mean in appearence?
"Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife"
Bert McCracken screamed into the microphone, so hard he thought his vocal chords would snap with the pain, but he had to carry on, because that's all he was. The alcohol addict from the used who could scream pretty good. Without the band, he was nothing more than another homeless face in the crowd without a dollar to his name. Then it was over. "THANKYOU UTAH! YOU HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTLY FUCKING AMAZING TONIGHT!" He threw the microphone into the crowd, laughing maniacally to himself when it flew past the head of another eager groupie.
When they got back to the tour bus, Jeph, Dan and Quinn all went to go sit down in the front area with some beers, Quinn shouted accross the bus to Bert "Hey man, you joining us?" Bert mechanially cracked open a can and took a seat next to them, staring into the amber liquid with a stare of self loathing. For a while, all he did was attempt to keep up with the rushed pre-show conversation between his bandmates, until Jeph asked "Hey Bert, aren't you a little hot in that hoodie? It's like 40 degrees dude." Bert crossed his arms to his chest and seemed to retreat further into himself and muttered "No, i'm fine." When he looked up nervously and saw all off them looking anxiously down at him he yelled "I'm fuckin fine okay!" Then ran through the tour bus into the bathroom.
There he found the only friend he knew truly understood in a little bag under the sink- a razor blade. Next, he shrugged off his hoodie and stared at the little raised imperfections that littered the visible skin of his arms. He didn't bother taking his t shirt off, as he knew more only followed- after all, once you've seen one, you've seen them all he thought depressedly. Then, he raised the razor blade onto a healed part on his wrist, and let tears fall down onto the fresh new cuts and he pressed harder, again and again. so ugly, so fucking ugly
Meanwhile, in the front room, Quinn was dwelling on Bert's strange behavior earlier, he mused about his own problems and wondered if Bert was going through some of the things he had, and that was why he was wearing the hoodie? Either way, he was going to find out. "Hey guys, i'm done, gonna catch up on some sleep." he said to Jeph and Dan, standing up.
First he checked in Bert's bunk, he wasn't there. Not sure were to look next, he started to walk back through the bus, until he heard a muffled sob coming from the bathroom. Quinn slowly turned the handle and walked through the door, shutting it behind him.
Bert was sat against the bathtub, when he saw Quinn he hurridly shoved the hoodie around him, and tried to stop crying. But when he saw Quinns terrified and concerned expression, he couldn't help it- he broke down again, empty, broken-hearted sobs wracking through his whole body and consuming every inch of him inside. Quinn bent down to his level and whispered "Bert.. what's under your jacket?" Bert couldn't even look at him, he muttered feverishly "I-im sorry, i couldn't, i tried.." Quinn peeled back the jacket until it was gone, and then stared at the marks covering his beautiful best friends body. He ran his hand up his arm, then froze in alarm as he saw the marks didn't stop as the t shirt did. His voice cracked as tears took over his system "Bert..." Bert looked at the floor and did nothing as Quinn slid the far too baggy t shirt that had fit snugly only a few months ago to reveal millions of cuts littering his beautifully sculpted chest.
"All my sins.. and sorrows.." Bert muttered. The sobs had subsided then, only silent tears running down his face were the tell tale signs of the fact that all that had happened moments ago. Quinn blurted out "You're beautiful." before he could stop himself, then bit his lip; Was that really the best thing to say? he scolded himself, but it seemed to have a calming effect on Bert, who slowly looked up in disbelief.
"Me? Beautiful? I'm disgusting, can't you see? How can you even look at me?!" He half screamed madly. Quinn remained calm and merely stated "You're beautiful to me Bert McCracken." Then, leaning in, he reached Berts level and murmered "You're beautiful to me.." as he pressed his lips against Berts in a sweet, love filled kiss which seemed to last forever and one second all at the same time. Bert stayed still as Quinn pulled away and wrapped his arms around him and held him tight, then after a few seconds he asked, soundin like a lost child "You mean it?" Quinn rested his forehead against Berts and answered "More than anything, i love you Bert." Bert leaned back into Quinn's lips and whispered against them "I love you too Quinn Allman." After a few minetes of revelling in the secret love they had concealed for a long time for eachother, Quinn wrapped a part of his own shirt around the new cuts and slid the t shirt and jacket onto Berts arms, saying "Come on, beautiful."
A few hours later Jeph and Dan came looking for the pair, they found them curled up in Quinn's bunk with dried tear tracks down their faces, asleep. Jeph smiled "Leave them, at least they finally got together and we don't have to do it now!" Dan laughed, then they went to practise a new jam they had been working on. All was perfect.
so yeah, that's it. Thanks people, i don't know how good this is, but it's all i've got. O.0