The man took everything away from him. Gerard wants it back. (Warning for Rape, self-harm and eating disorders)
Still you wonder why
When you're on the edge and falling off
It's all over for you
- It's all over by Three days grace
Gerard wondered what he could’ve done that night.
He could’ve not gone to the party at all. He could have dressed up in less fancy clothes. He could have been smarter, and not left the party alone.
He tried to think of things he could have done instead. But no matter what he could have done, it was over. What’s done is done, but he would never forget.
He would never forget the sensation of filth when the man’s tattoed hands touched his body. The sensation of his pride being shattered in a million pieces when the man undressed him, exposing him to the cold night.
He would never forget the feeling of being tore in two when the man entered him without preparation. And he would never forget the man’s laughter when he cried out in pain or when the man forced him to look him in the eyes as he came.
The man had taken everything from him that night. His pride, his dignity, his mind and his control over his own body.
Because that is what it’s all about. Control.
Rape isn’t about the sex; it’s about control and dominance. It’s about anger, taken out on its victim.
Gerard wanted his control back. He needed it, like a drug addict needed its fix. He wanted to rise from the ashes as the phoenix he once was.
So to get back the control over his own body, he starved himself. It was his choice. No one forced him to stop eating, it was his choice.
And in that way he gained some of the control back. But it didn’t take long until his friends started to notice his behavior.
“Eat more.” They said. “You’re getting so skinny, Gee.” They told him that he had a disorder. They claimed that he was losing control.
He was not losing it. But he started to eat again, just to get everyone of his back. Instead of starving, he was puking up everything he ate. He also cut himself. He wanted to get rid of the feeling of helplessness, so he replaced it with pain.
He was so consumed by his lack of control that he was willing to destroy himself just to feel something else than self-hate.
He spiraled down into the cold, dark pit called depression losing what he wanted the most.
A/N: Was it bad or good? :c