Frankies response :) We're nearing the end of this story :) xx Regret or rejoice? ;) xxx
"Will You Marry Me?" His trembling voice so tender and soothing. He's just as scared as me, and suddenly i don't feel so alone. I don't feel like i'm on the outside. I don't feel like i'm drifitng out at sea, i feel as though a wave of love and saviour has just crashed over me and made me better than before. And his perfect eyes are looking at me, and he's going to catch me now. I know he will, thank the lord.
Before i always told him in my head that i hoped he would catch me, simply because i was already falling into him. Now i know he's catching me, now i have fallen for good this time.
"Yes!" I exclaim as he smiles and picks me up, kissing me passionately. Not treating me the way everybody else has been, as though i might break or shatter like glass if they touch me. No, it's perfect, it's exactly what i'd needed for so long now.
Two weeks later
"I'm so proud of you honey! Look at yourself, you look beautiful!" My mother sobs as i try on another suit, this one judging by her tears is her favourite and the one she hopes i will wear although i know she'll say it's my decision and she doesn't care. And so this suit is just the one we need. Black material, crisp white shirt with a red tie, Franks favourite colour too. "Yeah, i'd like this one please." I tell the shop assistant who looks flustered by my mothers reaction. I take the chance to sweep Mom aside. "Mom. Are you sure you can afford this?" I ask her worriedly. "Oh sweetheart, i'm a woman of secrets. But i'll tell you anyway." She laughs. " When i first held you i knew my money and income wouldn't give you the life you had every right too and i felt like a terrible parent-"
"Mom, you're a great-"
"Shut up, Honey." To which Mikey sniggers. " Anyways, i began saving some money and created the wedding fund! For both of you boys! I needed to see my sons have the time of their lives on their special day and so i saved the money." She beamed at our shocked faces.
"But when you got stuck with the rent and did all that overtime, or when we couldn't at so you went without for a week." Mikey says sadly, the memory of how ill our mother became resurfacing. She always went without for our sake. "I would never ever dip into my kids savings. I could have done lots with that money, redecorated home when we first moved in, brought a flashy car, paid all of my bills, but it's for my boys, the rest of it is less important by a long shot." She said pulling her purse out and paying the assistant for the suit. "Come on then boys. we have work to do." She orders, ushering us out of the shop although we are still in a state of shock. I understood though, because i'd do exactly the same things for my Frankie.
"The registry office is always an option Frank." My Mom reminds me again as we drive to our family parish. My mom nervous as hell because it's a homosexual wedding and me not really caring because i feel like shit and just getting married will be more than enough for me. We could get hitched in a junkyard, it's the vows and the person that count and i have both of them sorted out. Especially the person.
"Right, we're here." Mom turns to me after parking around the back of the church.
"I'll explain everything Mom. don't worry." I sigh as she hooks her arm through mine, steadying me. My legs have become very weak recently. And i've lost a lot of weight too. It's side affects of my medication kicking in, they're just painkillers and sleeping pills. But it's very true what they say, drugs do only make you worse. Especially when they're as strong as the ones my doctor prefers to prescribe for me.
"Hi Father Jones." I smile wearily.
"Oh Frank! How are you son? We've been praying for you every day here." He smiles his famous grin before turning and kissing my mother on the cheek to greet her. "So what can i do for you lovely Iero's today?" He laughs.
"Well..." My mother begins before i intervene.
"Well you see Father, i'm actually going to be dead soon and i know it's a sin in your eyes but i am a homosexual and i really am completely and utterly besotted and in love with my boyfriend, well fiancee now and we were wondering if you would be so kind and honourable to marry us." I ramble on, feeling sick now i've actually said the entire story.
"I'm sorry father, i have a tendency to not think before i speak." I mumble.
"You see that is a heartwarming tale of devotion but i cannot marry you. Homosexuality is morally wrong and a disgrace in this society." The priest says solemnly, making me tear up.
"WELL SCREW YOU THEN!" My mother yells. "You made my baby cry, look at him! Over my dead body will we ever come to this church again. Morally wrong? Who do you think you are? God made my son this way for a reason and we all love him for it, and so does God believe it or not. It just so happens fate hasn't been as kind to him as our Lord." And with that my mother puts her arm around me and drags me back to the car leaving Father Jones standing before the pews, his mouth agape in fear and shock.
"Skinny love, Mom really?" I ask as she plays the Bon Iver track in her car stereo.
"It's a beautiful song sweetheart." She argues.
"It is actually Gee." Mikey says before returning to his intense game of BrickBreaker in the backseat.
"Yes but it's a day of celebration. "Come on skinny love, just last the year" is appropriate, like me asking him to hold on a little longer but then "pour a little salt you were never here", because i'm really going to feel like Frank was never here." I sigh.
"Hey, Gee don't worry okay? It's a tough deal but there will be a song that's perfect. And anyway skinny love? You need to lay off the Pizza." He cracks up at his own little joke.
"Mikey..." Mom begins.
"Hahaha fuck you Mikes!" I say before deciding to serenade him all the way home to piss him off a little as revenge. The song? None other than Britney!
The Next Day
"It looks great Mom." I say as she lays plates of appetisers on the perfectly laid out table. Today Gerard and I are having our bachelor parties or Stag Do's. It's a shame we can't spend them together as i miss him and we both have the same friends, but tradition is tradition. My plans? A home cooked meal at home with my Mom,Dad, Grandpa, Uncle, Three cousins and my best friend since forever Jennifer/ my witness for the wedding. Which is tomorrow by the way. We're going to eat, have a good few drinks, watch some comedy Dvds and then have a little bit of a Jam session. If everyone's up for it of course. If there's anything i hate it's being forced into something. Like being forced to leave this world. This world that i once thought was hideous but is actually rather beautiful.
"Go on Gee! Rip open that cake!" Mom and Mikey scream as the club fills up with more of my old friends. I don't really feel like all this effort though, my smile is completely fake. I want him to be here, i want every moment spent with him. I miss him the second we part, and i want to be with him for as long as we can manage.
The huge plastic cake splits in half and to my horror, out pops a male stripper. "Oh my god guys!" I wail as the crowds of people i was once friends with or am now still acquainted with laugh like a pack of hyenas. I hide my face in my hands as the leather clad police officer saunters over to me and begins his steamy routine. My face burning bright the whole way through, my mood? Staying exactly the same.
Everyone here is wasted beyond belief. How we're getting Mom home tonight i don't know at all. She's currently pole dancing on the bar, the bartenders cheering her on and giving out free drinks, they look half wasted too. I slip outside without being noticed and run the all too familiar route to where i belong.
"I'm not okay! I'm not okay! Well, i'm not okay, i'm really not okay!" I scream out the words to the latest song i've written as my family cheer on. The original lyric included profanity but i happen to know that my Grandpa hates me talking like that and as i adore the guy, it's only fair to remove all traces of it and make him smile. Because after all, his smile makes me smile.
"Thankyou for coming, it was nice seeing you. Love you Grandoa." I hug him tightly as all of my guests leave the house. I watch the sea of people move and then i notice at the foot of my garden is Gerard. My Gee. "Gee?" I call out checking it is actually him.
"Yeah, it's me." He replies as though he read the questions racing through my mind.
"It's your Stag Night. What are you doing here?" I ask smiling, because i'm still delighted as ever to see him here tonight.
"I wanted to be with you." He says walking over to me and putting his arms around my waist.
"You'll be with me tomorrow." I laugh at his cute little pout.
"I know but i'm impatient." He whines, laughing along with me.
"And you're adorable." I reply poking his nose.
"And i love you." He smiles back.
" And i love you more." I smirk, happy with my quick thinking for once.
"Nah uh!" He said all sassy and feminine. And that's how we spent the next hour and a half, arguing over who loved the other more and wrapped in eachothers arms for warmth and it was perfect. He left right before Midnight, we didn't want bad luck on our wedding day but we didn't want to part until the morning either. It was all very bittersweet, but everything i'd ever dreamed of i was certain i had found in the man i was about to marry.
And just for the record, i do love him more.