I had found love.
“You do not love me,” he mumbles in an utterly heart wrenching tone, more salty tears slipping down his stained cheeks as he turns away.
I feel my jaw drop open with shock and surprise, my eyes widening dramatically as I watch with a sharp stabbing pain in my slowly breaking heart as Gerard turns away from me, sobbing silently into his hands.
I wanted to say something; I needed to say something, but what? If I told him the truth, that I loved him instead of my finance then I would be hurting Catherine and despite not liking her, I did not wish to harm her in any way. But if I lied then I would be hurting Gerard, my one true love in this world and the only person I had ever felt this close to. Not to mention I would be committing a sin, going against God, not that I was even sure what I believed any more.
“Gerard,” I sigh and slowly, reluctantly remove my trembling hand from around his shoulder, causing him to tense, almost as though readying himself for an attack.
“P-please don`t hurt me…”He begs though his sobs, shaking uncontrollably. “I shall leave, you will never see or hear from me again, just please don`t hurt me!”
I bite nervously, uncertainly on my bottom dry lip, a single tear of my own escaping as I see how much the beautiful raven haired man was suffering. He was scared, terrified even, and to know that I was the one causing his fear made me feel dreadful.
“I will never hurt you Gerard, never.” I tell him in a voice no more than a whisper. He blinks once, slowly, cautiously lifting his head from his hands. “I would sooner harm myself.” I admit honestly, slowly placing my shaking hand under his chin, tilting his angelic face up so that he was forced to look me in the eye.
He stress wide eyed at me, his bottom, pale pink lip trembling almost as though he was about to cry again, his hazel eyes searching my own for the answers to his unspoken questions.
“I feel the same, Gerard.” I admit into the crook of his neck, shyly smiling against the lily white skin. “I love you with all of my heart.”
“As do I Frank, as do I.” Gerard whispers softly, and we sit like that together in silence for Goodness knows how long, just relaxing, enjoying each others precious company. However we both knew that it could not last.
“You must marry Catherine, Frank. For the good of the kingdom.” I am shocked by the truthfulness in his pain filled words.
“I cannot, I do not feel anything for her!”
“But you cannot just break it off with her now, less than a week before the ceremony. People will grow suspicious.” Gerard sighs deeply. “A-and besides, we can never be together.” Another salty tear slips down his cheek; he blushes as I shyly kiss it away. “Never.”
We both knew that he spoke the truth; our kind of love would never be accepted. And yet I was at a loss to understand why. So what if some God said it was wrong, we knew the truth. Sadly though, I was certain no one else would see it that way. We would be exiled, tortured and killed.
“You should move the date of the wedding forward.” Gerard suggests sadly, sitting up slowly. “Get married and forget me. I shall leave here and never return.” I cannot bear a world without Gerard, if he truly loved me, how could he leave? “It is for the best. You can have a happy marriage and…and…”
I cut him off by fiercely, recklessly colliding my lips with his, not caring that it was going against everything I had ever been taught. It lasted only a moment, but it was the sweetest moment of my life.
“I cannot be happy without you. If you leave, I shall follow you.”
He gasps and recaptures my lips, stunning me but I happily kiss back, savouring every last second.
“Stay with me tonight, Gerard. Please?” he nods eagerly, gripping hold of my shirt tightly, ripping off expensive fastening but I do not care.
The day of the wedding had finally arrived. It was an over the top affair, one I had been dreading ever since I had stupidly asked Catherine to become my wife. The boring ceremony dragged slowly, but seeing a familiar, angelic face in the crowd smiling shyly up at me, with his hazel eyes showing nothing but love, made it worthwhile. It had been decided that I would marry Catherine, but I and Gerard would be secret lovers. I would have much preferred it not to be this way, I hated lying to Catherine and I only wished that our relationship could be out in the open, but the world would not accept it.
“Look at the sunset.” Gerard mummers against my neck. “Beautiful, do you not think so?”
I shrug. “Not as beautiful as you.” he giggles, not taking me seriously but I meant every word. I knew that you were supposed to wish upon stars and not the sun, but I closed my eyes and scrunched up my face and made one anyway. I wished for the world to one day be willing to accept mine and Gerard`s kind of love.
Things had changed dramatically over the sort time I had known Gerard. I still had all of the money and jewels any one man could want, I lived in a lavish home and was surrounded by many servants. But I was no longer empty, longing for something more. The empty place inside of me had been filled; I know now why I felt little for my previous wives. I had found love.