No! Not this time! Last time I'd let my nerves get the better of me I had passed out.
I glanced at myself in the mirror. My hair was a wispy mess, my low cut, black top was ripped at the chest, my purple skinnies still as tight as ever. I looked shit basically. 'Great,' I thought, althought my appearence wasn't my top priority at the moment. I had to find Gerard, to tell him I was sorry. To let him know that I had wanted to continue, it was only my nerves that made me pass out. I jumped towards the door, swinging it open and staggering out into the hallway. My heart was pumping violently in my chest as I basically flew down the stairs. "Gera-" I called when my feet hit the polished, wooden floor. I was immediately engulfed in a bone-crushing hug from mum.
"Oh Mikey, my baby boy, i'm so glad you're okay!" she cried, constricting me ever tighter. "Your brother told me everything! You should really thank him you know, he carried you all the way here, he was so upset!" My eyes widened as I noticed Gerard perched on the sofa, his head hung, refusing to look at me.
His hair hung like jet-black curtains hiding his face. His hands were balled into fists, his back bent over. He looked like he was trying to forget the world. "He- he told you everything?" I asked mum, knowing full well that Gerard had NOT told her anything true.
"Of course," she smiled, loosening her grip on me so I could wriggle free, "Only 'you' would slip in mud and hit your head on a rock, Mikey you fool!" She laughed at herself, giving me a sweet, caring smile before kissing my cheek and dashing upstairs. The room fell silent as Gerard and I were left alone.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I tried to move, but my feet were glued to the floor. I felt so nervous, 'maybe I could just run back upstairs?' I thought. No! Not this time! Last time I'd let my nerves get the better of me I had passed out. I padded slowly over to Gerard, placing myself next to him on the sofa. "Gerard," I spoke softly, trying to avoid angering him. He sighed, keeping his gaze locked to the floor. "Thank you for taking me home, I really appreciate it." I told him, placing my hand on his shoulder. His body tensed, trying to shake off my hand, but I refused to move it and kept it firmly in place. Soon enough the awkwardness of the silence got the better of Gerard as he replied,
"N-no problem," in a quiet voice. Hearing his voice awoke the butterflies again, but this time they weren't hurting me. Just fluttering around inside me, minding their own business.
"Are you okay?" I asked him. A stupid question, I know, but the only thing I could think of.
"I..." he began, "feel awful," he sighed. "I'm sorry Mikey, I understand if you hate me, I just thought.... y'know..."
"Okay boys!" mum chirped, bounding down the stairs with an uncomfortable, positive energy radiating from her. NO! 'GO AWAY MUM!' I thought. I wanted to hear the end of Gerard's sentance so badly! I wanted to tell him not to feel bad. I wanted him to know that I wanted him, he had made it pretty clear that he wanted me too! He hadn't denied anything or blamed it on the booze.
"We're going to watch a movie together now!" mum beamed, "I think we all just need tonight to relax and calm down after the day you two have had!"
'Ha!' I thought, 'Oh mum I'm so glad you don't have a clue what's really going on here.'