He wore a faint smile on his dry lips and hazel eyes focused on mine. I Hated seeing him like this - how he was barely able to move or speak. I knew I had to stay strong for him but it was so hard Seeing him so helpless and weak, it broke my heart knowing he’d leave me soon. It hurt me to think he’d never grow old with me or watch our precious baby girl grow up. It’s his smile I’ll miss the most. How his perfect lips curve into a lovely heart-warming smile.
It’s funny how life turns out.
As kids we hated each other. He would throw things at me and I would push him over and pull his hair making him crying and me regretting what I had done even if I would never admit it. I Don’t know how or why it started but our hatred for each other was strong even as little kids. As teenagers Our hate was stronger than ever. He’d get bullied every day and I’d laugh at him. I knew everything about him. I’d spread rumours about him; egging people on to tease him about the music he likes and the clothes he wore ; although I secretly thought his taste in both areas was perfect. I Knew each girl he fancied and took them away from him just to piss him off.
He was fifteen when he became friends with Mikey and I got even worse. Punching him after school as he waited for my brother, or Taking the piss out of him because he was gay. I didn’t know why I felt the need to hurt him so much, It just happened. I’d often do it when Mikey Wasn’t around, Forcing him to keep quiet because I wasn’t to keen on Seeing the reaction. If frank had told him I was the cause for all the bruises then Mikey would have got angry, and an angry Mikey was not something I liked to deal with. That’s not to say Frank was completely innocent. He’d often Throw words at me like ‘Druggie’ or tell me I was a good for nothing Drunk. After that he’d hit me with insults about my sketches which hurt like hell. I tried to put so much emotion in them and for some reason his opinion did matter.
I Regret everything I said to and about him. I Wish I could change it all.
when I heard him sobbing in the bathroom I knew I had taken it too far. He was staying over for the night and while mikey was out getting pizza I had told him he was to blame for his parents divorce. He was seventeen now and It was still a sensitive subject; I knew for a fact he blamed himself for the reason his mother would cry every night for the past six years. He Ran upstairs as I smiled to myself. Then when I heard him which made my heart ache. I told him to open the door otherwise I’d kick it down and blame him Knowing he didn’t want any trouble with mikey.
When I saw his arms bleeding my eyes widened. The cuts were deep and the blood was everywhere. I immediately took off my shirt and soaked it pressuring the wound hoping that somehow it would stop While I let him cry into my shoulder. His tears fell onto my skin and that’s when I knew It was me who caused him pain. It was the night I realised how beautiful and how broken he was. I waited until he calmed himself down and kissed him on the forehead. My actions were a shock to both of us. I Told him how sorry I was and how much I regretted everything I ever did. He smiled and giggled at how awkward it was. That’s when I kissed him for the first time.
It was slow and passionate like we had always been together. I Knew from that point that My hatred turned into love that I had been denying for all these years. When Mikey finally found us he smirked claiming he knew something was happening between us.
At school I’d protect him from everyone until I Graduated. Being eighteen meant I could buy myself a flat and start my Journey. Since he was still seventeen he’d only be able to stay occasionally and learnt how to protect himself from others. I Got Mikey to watch over him and took care of anybody who upset my Frankie about our relationship. I Watched him graduate and kissed him in front of everyone knowing that we were about to start our lives together.
I Remember the first night we had sex. It was Halloween night and also his birthday ; he had just turned eighteen and moved in with me. After the party he finally dragged me to the bedroom with that seductive smirk I couldn’t resist. It was sweet, slow, passionate and perfect. One of the best events in my life because that was the night because I Knew he was mine. ALL Mine.
I Proposed to him on his twentieth birthday after I finally decided he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I Planned the day perfectly. A Nice hotel near the sea. We spent most of the day shopping letting him buy everything and anything he wanted without hesitation. I Knew my art would pay for it so I insisted he Get what his heart desired. Then I took him to the beach where we watched the sky fill with oranges reds and pinks highlighting the real beauty of the world. I Grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. I Remember the exact words I used.
“I’ve been thinking Frankie. After everything we’ve been through it’s still not enough”
He looked at me with worry and confusion. He started begging me not to leave. Told me I was his everything and without me he couldn’t survive. That’s when I knew my decision was right. I stood up bringing him with me and smiled at him.
“oh Frankie, That’s not what I meant. What I was about to say was…”
I Knelt down on one knee and pulled out the navy blue box.
“Will you marry me Frankie?”
The sudden burst of joy and happiness almost made me cry. He jumped up and down then tackled me onto the ground.
“YES. YES GEE OF COURSE” he cried as he forced us into a sloppy kiss. I Then made sure the hotel had set the room exactly how I wanted to give him the most romantic night of his life.
The Wedding day was as perfect as anyone could hope. Both families came together as one for us. Mikey was the happiest for all of us claiming he knew it was meant to be. The day was filled with dancing, laughter tears and cake. I Could never have dreamed of such an amazing time. We danced together as our song played when he whispered how much he loved me. I Never knew Words could make me cry so much.
Frank Was twenty five and I was twenty six when we decided to have a family. We met a lovely young woman more than willing to give birth to our child. The look on his face when she told us she was pregnant made my heart nearly explode. The months dragged with frank getting more and more excited. We moved into a house where raising a family Would be easier for us both. My art became more popular meaning we made more money to buy things for our baby boy or girl. We Rushed into the Hospital awaiting for the news. The first time we saw her she was in a pink blanket. I watched frank as he took her into his arms and smiled. His eyes filled with happiness and love as he played with her little fingers giggling away. He finally passed her to me. The first thing I noticed about beautiful little girl before me was her eyes. They were a deep hazel exactly like franks.
“What should we name her?” I asked
I Felt frank cuddle me from behind.
“Helena” he whispered.
Frank cuddled up to me with Helena who was only ten months old in his arms. The house was filled with Christmas decorations and presents under the green tree. I finally moved myself from the position and handed him a little box with the tag that read ‘To my lovely Granddaughter, Lots of love Donna & Donald x’. It was a lovely pink dress and matching shoes. The next few presents varied from clothes to toys that she immediately took a liking to. The day was amazing. Mikey had dropped by followed by mine and franks parents for a full family meal. I loved to see everyone getting along but after a long day they said their goodbyes and we settled the gorgeous girl to sleep. I watched frank as he kissed her goodnight and dragged me into our bedroom for a little late night fun.
Five years later my husband Sat me down. Helena was watching TV and we were alone in the bedroom. I could see he had been crying so I hugged him to assure him that I still loved him. He looked me in the eyes, took a deep breath and spoke the words that made me break into tears.
“Gerard…. I have cancer”
I Sat there open mouthed at the words. I remember crying in his arms until Helena snuck into the room and asked me what was wrong. I told her it was nothing but she insisted to sleep with us telling us that She couldn’t sleep knowing we were upset. Watching her in franks arms made me cry even more until he pulled me into his arms spooning me with Helena sleeping in mine. I accompanied him when he visited the hospitals holding his hand. The Months Passed by and frank got weaker. I Hated seeing him like this and remember him crying because I refused to have sex with him. I Told him I didn’t want to hurt him but he thought I meant that I didn’t love him anymore. I took him into my arms and he started begging me. I finally cracked and attacked him with Kisses. The way he smiled at me afterwards made me realise he wanted to enjoy the time he had left. So each and every night we would make love before he was too weak. Instead we would cuddle and sleep in each others arms. The visits were more often and heart breaking hearing the doctors say that after every operation his state was still getting worse and that we were too late. The cancer was unbeatable.
He was forced to stay in hospital so I decided I would stay with him. Helena stayed with Mikey and his wife Alicia.
Like I said. Life is funny how at one point in life you can be the happiest person in the world then your world is turned upside down and you’re watching your husband dying.
I felt him move slightly so I looked up into his eyes.
“Lay with me?”
It sounded like a whisper but I knew he was trying his best to be at a normal volume. He patted the space in front of him so I climbed on the bed. He snuggled up into my chest placing small kisses along my jaw.
I looked at him with confusion in my eyes.
“For what?” I asked as he smiled slightly.
My tears were already sliding down my cheeks “No Frankie you can’t. Don’t leave me, what about Helena? Please…” I begged as he hushed me.
“Look after her Gerard. Rip any boy apart if he breaks her heart and give her away at her wedding. Watch her grow up for me and protect her. live your life for me baby? and don’t cry Gerard, look at what you gave me. You gave me love, a family, you made my life worth living but it’s my time to go”
I shook my head still begging him to stay but he was strong minded.
“Promise me that you’ll Remember me. Not as the man who got cancer, but as the man you love and shared your life with. That’s the whole point of memories, so you can look back on your life and smile. Do that for me Gerard? Because that’s all I do. Every time I feel sad I think about out first kiss and everything after that. Will you do something for me gee?”
I nodded knowing that I wouldn’t win.
“Tell me you love me then kiss me before I die. Let me leave my life Happy”
With that I whispered a gentle ‘I love you’ and crashed my lips to his. We worked together before he finally stopped and looked up at me.
“I Love you gee” he whispered before he snuggled back into my chest. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead soon hearing that dreaded never ending ‘beep’. The nurses rushed into me and apologized for my lost. I lay there crying for hours until Helena and mikey showed up.
“When will daddy wake up?” she asked looking confused.
“Never” I cried as I pulled her into my arms.
It was then I knew what I had to do. I Was to look after Helena and guide her through her life, not for me but for frank. I knew I would never love anyone as much as I loved him. I Will wait until it’s my turn to die. I’ll join him and we can be together again. I’ll keep him in my Memories and keep a smile on my face knowing he’s no longer in pain and that he’s waiting for me. He’s my angel and I know he’s watching over me. Cancer may have took him away from me for now, but I’ll join in later on.
Until then, I’ll live my life.
So, i know i should be updating the others but i didn't have enough to post so i thought i'd post this instead. hope you guys like it:)
I'd also like to thank Sophie for giving birth to my baby sister Hailey. Me and my dads are really grateful and we're really excited to bringe her up