Gerard comfort Frankie and an almost secret is revealed :)
I cautiously crawl over to him and sit cross legged in front of him. "It's not you. You're not the reason for everything wrong." I say as softly as i can whilst he shields his face with his hair. It almost kills me to see him so upset, so worked up and vulnerable. You never expect that from someone who seemed so confident and almost arrogant earlier.
"I can't do anything right. I mess everything up. Every person around me ends up fucked over, i can't even show my own Mother any affection." He cries in total and utter despair. He was falling deeply into a hole. One he wouldn't make his way out of alone. "It's okay you know. You just think too little of yourself. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that your Mom adores you and she's not fucked over either." I try and make him reason with me. Instead he wipes his eyes and stands up. "Sorry" He mutters. Then it clicked, he was the way i was all through Elementary School. Felling worthless as hell and the reason for every negative in the universe. I never cried, never showed emotion until i was alone and just couldn't take it anymore. He was doing that now, it all made perfect sense. "Hey, would you like to go for a drink?" I blurt out, shattering the void that is known to civilians as silence. I hate the silence. It's actually noise. I can't sleep if it's silent, i'm not comfortable if it's silent. I couldn't deny it though, i was intrigued by him. I wanted to spend time with him a little longer. Make sure he was okay and be there if he needed someone.
We sit on this bus and watch as the endless miles of crops and green roll by. The city was never like this. All cars and pollution and factories. I remember i used to sit by the lake alot and watch the boats, it was my way of saying "fuck the polluted, neglected planet" and go and do something that really makes you happy. Draw what you see, watch the many families sit on their boat decks and laugh at everything and nothing. Now we were in a tiny little countryside village, big changes were taking place, for all of us. For one thing, I could now be openly homosexual. I had grown accustomed to it and so had my family. Back in the city, i got beaten black and blue daily. And if they had the slightest inkling that i was even a tiny bit gay they would've done worse, whether my Mom happened to be a teacher there or not. "So, thanks for everything." Frank says, looking away from me. Clearly he doesn't show appreciation often either. "It's ok." I give him a small smile as i don't want to freak him out with my abnormally little choppers. And when i say choppers i am referring to my teeth, my Grandma calls them that, she also enjoys referring to my toes as clawhoppers, just for future reference. "So are there any cool bars we could go to?" I try and make conversation. His amazingly bright eyes shine in the slowly sinking sun that's breaking through the most colossal clouds i can see, showing me that every cloud does have a silver lining. There is always a positive. And to seal my theory, Frank makes it better. "Yeah theres this really cool place i often go too but first i'd like to show you something if that's okay?" He asks pressing the bell on the bus.
We make our way off the bus and trot our way down to a clear circle of fish infested water. Bluebells and Rosebushes are sitting delicately on the side opposite to us. It's.... beautiful. If i had my sketchpad with me i knew i wouldn't have been able to resist drawing it out, every little line and dot. "I haven't always lived in the Village." Frank begins, snapping my focus towards him, not that i mind. Being honest, both are beautiful, i can't decide which of the two more in all honesty. "I lived here with both of my parents until i was seven or eight and then i went away with my Dad for a few years. Barely visited, and then completely by accident i moved back." He says taking a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and offering me one. "Well to be honest i was a complete brat to my Stepmother, it was a mutual dislike from the start, then he married her and they had my little sister and brother. Only then i came back for good, without a choice though. Dad made me return." He spits, resentment and anger at the memories flashing in his eyes. He takes a few slow and long drags from his cigarette and i do the same before deciding to break the silence again. " I had shit with my parents too." I sigh. Frank turns and looks at me expectantly as though waiting for me to continue with my life story. "Mine divorced for a while. Mom got this boyfriend. I came out as gay and he beat me." I shrug my shoulders, taking another drag from my cigarette.
"Oh." Is Franks reply.
I'm aware he's watching me very intently for a while, a blank expression on his face. And then out of the corner of my eye i see him smile, edging a little bit closer. I turn and face him, wanting to see if my suspicions weren't just a figment of my imagination. "Frankie, are you.....gay?"