Brendon offers me his hand to hold. I hesitate, but then grab it.
"An interview at the absolutely worst time..." Jon says, clearly upset. I shush him and continue my conversation to a nurse at the hospital.
"Just... Is he going to be okay..." I say into my phone, rubbing my forehead in stress.
"There's no way we can tell right now, Ryan. You can speak to him if you like." The nurse tells me, obviously not giving a shit about what's going on. I say 'y-yes, please'. I need to say goodbye. Alcohol poisoning... he won't make it. There's too much of it in his system.
"Come on guys, we need you to come and sit with us. Ryan get off the phone." The interview says demanding. Jon rolls his eyes.
"We're in the middle of something. We will have to do this later." Brendon snaps.
The man reaches out and grabs my sidekick violently. "Fuck! Give it back! It's an emergency!" I begin to shake. Brendon grabs my hand trying to calm me. My dad's fucking dying. I let go of him and bite my nails.
"That's what they all say. Sit. We're going live." We all get in our chairs defeated. I look at my shaking legs, trying to control them.
My dad never did shit to help me, but him fucking dying when I can't even see him. He's still my dad, no matter what terms we are on.
I let Brendon, Spencer, and Jon handle all the questions. I need my phone. I need to see if he's going to be okay. The interviewer calls for commercial break. "You, Ross. You have to talk more." I scoff at his request, but I might as well. My whole body is shaking and Brendon stares at me worried. I don't want Brendon to see me like this. The whole world is.
The commercial break eventually ends. "So what's you guy's favorite piece of hardware?" The interviewer's voice is giddy.
"Umm..." I say, hardware? Well. "Either iPods or sidekicks."
"Sidekicks." Brendon verifies. I look over to Jon, also agreeing.
"We had to take yours away right?" He looks at me, cracking a smile.
"Yeah you did.. you did." I nod.
"We had to pry it from your hands- we're like- 'Hey c'mon, can't take this with you.'" His grin makes me want to throw something at him. I resume shaking.
"I didn't appreciate that at all, actually." I shrug. What if my dad is dead. Right now. "It's alright." I look up to Spencer and Jon behind me and nod. I find myself looking back at the ground, I swear, my leg is having a seizure.
"So critical that you cannot go without it- not even for some time on TV."
"I'm shaking... yeah I been..." I trail off so my voice isn't audible. I don't want to talk anymore.
"It's alright man. Come here." Brendon offers me his hand to hold. I hesitate, but then grab it. He caress my hand and rubs it affectionately. The interviewer has further giggles but I don't care. I just don't fucking care. Brendon is just being that lovable, caring guy that I need right now.
He closes off the interview and goes to a video. Jon flips off the interviewer, his expression not changing.
"Now that wasn't so bad!" The man says. He hands back my phone as the guys and I run away from the cameras.
I quickly redial the hospital.
"Hello?" The same nurse answers the phone.
"Hi... This is Ryan Ross. I was speaking earlier, on behalf my father George Ross. Is he alright?" I demand in my voice. I need to know. Now. Brendon holds my free hand. I put it on speaker for him to hear, holding it between our ears.
"Um... Mr. Ross... He..."
"Oh god." I almost drop my phone till Brendon catches it and keeps holding it.
"He... I'm sorry, he didn't make it." I immediately grab the phone and hang up. I run outside and head for the bus.
Brendon, Jon, and Spencer try running after me. "I got this, guys." Brendon says, stopping them.
I go to my bunk and close the curtain.
"Ryan..." Brendon climbs in the small space next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I put my hands into my face, trying not to let him see me cry. I hardly ever cry. "You don't have to act strong." He knows saying 'I'm so sorry' and 'I know how you feel' won't work in this situation. "You still have me."
I don't love my father. Fuck, he didn't even know about the band until it effected college. I haven't seen or heard from him in eight months until now. My dad was the only family I had left. I put my head on Brendon's chest, letting out small sobs. Brendon twirls his finger into my hair, ruining it, but I could care less. I look up to him, he looks down at me. "Baby," Brendon wipes my tears kisses me softly, rubbing my back.. I need him here. He is all I really have.
I didn't even get to say goodbye. He at least deserved a goodbye.