Holly can't stop the memory she holds in her heart.
“Oh damn.” She whispered as she suddenly felt tears prick the back of her eyes. She tried so very hard not to cry but it was useless. In her mind she could hear Gerard voice from just a few minutes ago. Over and over she heard him softly call her “Sugar.” The memories could not be contained.
June 29th 2007
Holly nervously walked into the living room to see Gerard already settled on the sofa.
"Hey, just in time.” He smiled as she walked towards him. “The movie is just starting.”
Holly glanced over at the screen. “Phantasm?”
“You’ve seen it?” There was a definite disappointment in his voice.
“Yep.” She sat down next to him. “I love this movie. But don’t worry I can’t watch that orb drill into the guys eye.”
Gerard laughed as he put her arm around her pulling her close. “Okay good.”
For about twenty minutes they watched the movie. Holly’s mind was trying to concentrate on the screen but the fact that Gerard’s hand was gently massaging her shoulder was holding her attention. Suddenly he stopped, leaned over, and flipped off the table lamp leaving the flickering TV the only light in the room.
“There now it’s much more scary.”
“The tall man creeps me out.” Holly said hoping he believed she was watching the movie with interest.
Again his arm tightened around her shoulder. “Yeah, me too.” He whispered in her ear. When his tongue darted out to tease her earlobe Holly’s breath caught.
“Don’t mind me.” Gerard breathed into her ear, “Just enjoy the movie.”
Slowly she turned her head to look into his eyes, “Don’t think that’s possible.”
He gave her that lopsided grin she loved. “How come?”
Holly tried to cloak her nervousness by laughing. “Uh, because someone, not to mention any names, Gerard Way, is nibbling on my ear.”
“And that bothers you?”
She realized his question was serious. “Oh hell no.” She blurted out. “It’s just making me all tingly.”
“Tingly?” He leaned foreword and pressed his lips to the side of her neck. “Tell me more.”
She tried to make her mind work. “Uh well, I have this feeling coursing through my body.”
The feel of his chuckle against her skin made her close her eyes and sigh.
His lips traveled up from her neck inching along with a sweet slowness. His hands caressed her back urging her even closer. She could feel his heartbeat against her chest. This time however instead of returning to her ear they moved to her lips. Lightly they brushed against hers.
Holly wasn’t even sure how it happened but his hand had snaked under her sweatshirt. His fingers gliding up to fondle the sweetly swelling curves of her breast.
Gerard broke off the kiss to look deeply into her eyes. He saw the passion his touch had ignited. Gently he used his forefinger and thumb to tease her nipple. He smiled when he felt her whole body quiver. Her lashes drifted down, her lids growing heavier, and her breath was coming faster between her softly parted lips. His own heartbeat was picking up speed as he felt her breasts grow warm under his touch.
“Gee.” Holly’s voice was soft. “I want…”
“Just tell me Sugar, what do you want?”
She couldn’t make herself say the words.
Slowly he sat back. “Raise your arms, Holly.”
At first she simply stared at him but the desire that was burning inside her could not be denied. As her arms lifted Gerard grabbed the bottom of the sweatshirt and pulled it over her head letting it drop to the ground. Immediately her arms crossed over her exposed body. When he looked into her face he realized she was embarrassed. Gently he reached out, pushed her arms down and once again cupped her breasts with both of his hand. “So beautiful.” He whispered. “Your body is beautiful.” He understood her self-consciousness.
Holly held her breath as his head bent and his hot mouth took in one sensitive nipple. She almost forgot to start breathing again. His tongue swirled as his lips gently sucked.
Gerard released the nipple and while leaving a trail of kisses he asked, “Do you like that?”
“Yes.” Her answer was thin and faraway.
His lips had reached the other nipple and he gave it the same attention. While pleased at her reaction he couldn’t help but be surprised. Had this woman’s body never truly been loved? His ears heard her moan with pleasure.
She wanted so badly to touch him but she could not make herself move her arms away from the part of her body she was still trying to hide.
As if he could read her mind he lifted his head to look into her eyes. “Holly, please don’t try to hide any part of you from me.”
“But Gee..” Her voice was shaky. “I’m….” She looked down.
“You are a curvy woman and that’s a beautiful thing.” His voice was like velvet.
His words brought a small smile to her lips.
“I already told you Sugar, I think your body is beautiful.”
“No one has ever said that.” She whispered.
He smiled, “It’s the truth.”
Slowly she moved her arms and allowed herself to believe his words. Her hands reached out to touch his face.
“Sugar, I understand you’re not ready for this to go too far but there is something I want to do for you.”
Holly gave his a puzzled look. “For me?"
“Lay back, Holly.”
She shook her head.
“Sugar I want to touch every inch of you. I want you to feel how beautiful I think you are. Please, let me do this.”
She was so embarrassed by her body she resisted. “Gee, I know I can’t compare to any of the women you’ve been with.” She whispered.
“Holly, your body isn’t the only thing that attracted me to you, you have to know that. I’m attracted to the whole package, every part of you. I get your self-consciousness believe me I deal with those kind of feeling myself.”
“Oh Gee, you’re perfect.” She couldn’t stop herself from saying.
His laugh was deep and throaty, “Oh Sugar, that’s not the truth. I know what it’s like to struggle with weight. You’ve seen my high school picture at mom’s.”
“But that was a long time ago.”
He sighed, “But I still deal with those feelings. I always will.”
She lowered her head, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“For being like this.” She blinked trying to control her emotions.
He smiled, “Lay back, Holly.”
This time when he asked he reached out with his fingertip to caress her cheek. “I want to show you just how beautiful you are.”
Slowly she leaned back to sink into the soft cushions.
Gerard slipped off the sofa into a kneeling position. Once more he leaned over and kissed her lips. “You are beautiful to me.” He whispered against them.
Holly kept her eyes shut tight. Her heart was racing, her mind a jumble of thoughts, her body on fire when he leaned down and once more made love to her breasts.
Gerard had never felt so ‘right’ with a woman before. He knew in his heart he needed to make this wonderful woman understand she was the beautiful, desirable woman she truly was. His lips returned to her nipples and he loved them with his lips and tongue. With each moan she uttered his heart soared a little higher. He could feel her need begging for more and he wanted to satisfy that need. Slowly his fingers moved down her exposed skin to the waistband of her sweats. As they began to tug at the fabric he heard her sharp intake of breath.
“It’s okay, Holly.” He crooned.
Slowly he peeled the sweats down her legs and his own breath caught seeing she wasn’t wearing anything beneath.
“Gee.” She said his name almost like a prayer.
“Oh Holly.” He groaned as he pushed the clothing down her legs. “So beautiful.”
Holly let go of her inhibitions. This was what she had dreamed of but never believe would happen. He was all she had wanted but had believed was beyond her reach. “Gee.” She whispered saying his name made it all so much more real. This wasn’t a dream it was truly happening.
He pulled the sweats down her legs then let them drop to the ground with the sweatshirt. Now her body was totally exposed to him and he understood that at this moment in time he had to make her understand.
“Holly, you are beautiful.” He said reaching up to touch her face, “Inside and out. Every inch of you.”
The words were what her soul needed to hear.
Suddenly she felt a rain of kisses on her breasts. The pure pleasure made her moan out in pleasure and anticipation.
Gerard heard the moan and it spurred him on. His lips loved each nipple equally then slowly descended down her stomach. The trail didn’t stop until it reached the curls that guarded her womanhood.
Holly had never felt anything like this in her life. Her mind went into overdrive and her body simply begged for more.
Gerard forced himself to lift his head. “Sugar, is this what you want?” If she said no he knew he had to find the strength to stop.
“Oh, yes.” She hated that her words sounded like a beggar asking for more but she was unable to hide the pure emotion. She wanted his touch, she needed his touch. At this moment without it she was sure she would die.
He placed his lips just below her belly button. His tongue slowly left a wet trail down, down, until it reached her womanly mound.
Holly’s back arched by its own accord. In all her life she had never experienced anything like this before. She had imagined, but had never truly known this feeling.
Gerard inhaled her womanly scent feeling himself harden but he knew he had to stay in control. Her body was aching to be loved and that love was something he wanted to give her.
As his tongue blazed a path through the curls to her lips Holly cried out.
Without lifting is head he simply reached for one of her hands and entwined their fingers.
When his tongue flicked her clit she moaned with pleasure. That moan touched his heart deeply. Somewhere deep in his soul he understood she had never been loved like this before and knowing that he was the first to make her feel this way filled him with emotion. His fingers were shaking as he gently released her hand. He glanced up to see her eyes were shut but there was a smile on her lips. Slowly he reached out to slide his finger through the curls. She was so hot and wet he couldn’t keep the soft moan from deep within silent. She didn’t understand. “Gee, you don’t have to.” She whispered.
Their eyes locked, “Oh Sugar, it’s not that I don’t want to. I want to touch and taste every inch of you.” To prove his point he leaned over her and using both hands gently opened her lips to his tongue.
Holly’s body caught fire. When his tongue flicked her hardened nub her whole body reacted. He continued his assault until she cried out in pleasure. When he inched his finger inside her wet core she went wild.
"That’s it, Sugar. Don’t hold back.” He commanded.
“Oh, Gee.” She could barely breathe. “So good.”
Slowly his finger began to move inside her looking for that one spot that would push her over the edge. When he felt her muscles begin to tighten his voice urged her on. “You’re so hot and wet. So beautiful.”
The feeling hit her and waves of passion crashed over her again and again. It has been so long since a man had even touched her and it had never been like this. Her back arched to meet his hand as he continued to pump his finger until at last her body sank back down. Her breathing was slowly returning to normal. When she opened her eyes he was looking down at her, his smile was beautiful.
“Thank you.” She whispered from her heart. “I never knew it could feel like that.”
He had to know for sure. “You’ve never been touched like this before?”
Her eyes dropped, “Gee, I’ve only been with one man. I told you my ex-husband didn’t find me desirable. We…” She paused hating that she had to tell him the truth but wanting him to understand. “It’s been more than ten years since a man has touched me.”
Gerard uttered a curse. He could not begin to understand how any man could have not wanted this woman.
Holly suddenly couldn’t take the look in his eyes that she believed was pity. She pulled herself up then reached down for her clothing.
Her sudden movement surprised Gerard who leaned back on his heels. “Holly, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head, “Nothing.”
He silently watched as she pulled on her sweatshirt then stood to step into her sweats. However once she was dressed he stood and before she could object her pulled her to him. “Sugar, please tell me what’s going on?”
Her body stiffened, “I shouldn’t have told you. God, I make myself sound so pathetic.”
Now he understood. “Holly the fact that your ex-husband didn’t find you desirable just proves he was an idiot. That’s not your fault. How the man could have kept his hands off of you I don’t understand.”
Slowly her body relaxed in his embrace.
Gerard kissed the top of her head as he gently rocked her in his arms. “Oh woman.” He sighed, “You have no idea what you are doing to me.”
She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes.
His smiled made her heat flutter. “You make me feel so alive.” He struggled to put his emotions into words. “When I’m with you it just feels so right. I want to say and do things to make you smile.”
“I feel the same way towards you.” She said softly.
Their lips met in a sweet kiss. When they finally broke apart Gerard took her hand and led her back to the sofa. “I saw your work schedule on the fridge. You’ve got the next three days off.”
Holly nodded, “Yeah, originally I’d planned to get some work down around here while Sonja was gone. I figured it would keep me busy so I wouldn’t miss her so much.”
“And I showed up on your doorstep.” He put his arm around her and smiled when she snuggled up to him.
“I never imagined this would happen.” She answered honestly.
“I did.” He knew he should tell her the truth. “When I found out she’d lied to me…at first I was hurt and angry but more than anything else I wanted to come here to be with you.”
Holly leaned back so she could look at his face. “You did?”
“Fuck yeah, I did. When you answered the door and I saw you again I felt like I was home.”
She smiled, “I had been secretly hoping you’d come when I heard what had happened. Just knowing you were hurting was driving me crazy.”
He took a deep breath, “I want us to get away together for a few days.”
Holly was surprised. “Get away together? You mean go somewhere?”
He laughed, “Uh, yeah. Let’s just get in the car in the morning and go. I don’t care where, as long as we’re together that’s all that matters.”
She frowned as she tried to mull over the suggestion.
“Not a good idea?” He asked softly.
“I don’t know. I’m supposed to go to St. Tim’s tomorrow and I …” She stopped herself. The idea of going with him frightened her and yet she wanted so badly to say yes. “I’m sure it would be okay if I missed going to the shelter.”
He smiled, “So is that a yes?”
She simply nodded.
“Good.” He tightened his arm around her shoulder. “It’ll be fun. Just the two of us doing whatever we want.”
“In my Bug.” She grinned.
He laughed, “Yeah, unless you want me to rent a car.”
“No, we’ll take my car.”
“You’ll have to drive.” He grinned.
Holly laughed, “Oh Lord don’t tell me you can’t drive a stick.”
“Never learned.” He admitted.
“Maybe I’ll teach you.” She teased.
He nodded, “Maybe.”
Once more she looked deeply into his eyes. “And you can teach me some things too.”
His breath caught knowing her lack of experience embarrassed her. “I’d be honored.” He said before lowering his lips to hers.
When they finally decided they needed some sleep if they were going to start out early in the morning Gerard started to position himself on the sofa believing she’s sleep beside him.
“Gee, we’d be more comfortable in my bed.” She said slowly. “I mean if you want to sleep with me.”
“I want to hold you in my arms.” His voice caressed her soul.
Hand in hand they walked up the stairs. When they climbed into bed he took her in his arms and sighed. Once again he realized the only word he could find to describe how this felt was ‘right’. He gently kissed her. “Night Holly.”
“Night Gee.” She whispered back feeling a happiness that was overwhelming.
Holly had tears running down her cheeks. These memories she’d denied for so long were painful yet she clung to them. In the brief time they had been together Gerard had made her feel so many emotions she’d never known before. But the strongest had been true love. She’d loved him with every breath in her body yet in the end it hadn’t been enough. Fear she had refused to release had driven them apart. In her mind she could never stop wondering how differently things would have turned out if only she’d trusted in their love. Maybe they could have survived it all. But she’d never know and that realization made the tears fall faster.