Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Pain and Truth
Pain and Truth
2 reviewsChoosing death over this pain was easier but much to his frustration, he could never die from these curses. The truth he always believed in was faux. He hated every memeber of his family until one ...
-1Predictable
Reviews
Pain and Truth
(#) JesusKetchum31 2005-08-14
Grr, it ate my review. Anyway, interesting premise, and the writing is okay, but there are a lot of problems. You have a ton of run-on sentences; you need to use commas, semicolons, and periods more often. Narcissa seems out of character, and NOT Just over the whole curse thing--her speech patterns seem off. Draco and Hermie are out of character, but I've come to expect that from almost all Draco/Hermie fics, it sort of goes with the territory.
Also, you explain a lot of wizarding stuff in too many words, or just explain it. You should really try to allude to this stuff--those of us who would be reading HP fanfiction should already know it. Don't go on and on about what a mudblood is... How would Draco describe what a mudblood is while thinking to himself? think about that.
Also, your story's ending is practically obvious from the beginning. I mean, the portkey, I didn't see that coming, but Hermione? I sure did.
There's potential here, but as it's written it comes off like another Drago Angst fic and another Drago/Mione fic got drunk at a party.
Still, with some heavy edits, this could be something nice.Pain and Truth
(#) Slinky 2005-11-17
Great story, nicely written too. I love this pair, so I'm always ready for a new fic for this ship.
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