Michael's words sink in... perhaps a little too much.
Me: What are you on?
Roxanne: Um... fanfiction?
(GSA stands for Gay Straight Alliance) Roxanne is a 13 year old male. Joy.
Hope this chapter is satisfactory, drop me a review please I'm depressed about absolutely nothing.
The rest of Michaels's stay passes with little event or incident at all; he slaps Alicia for something mundane and that is that. They don't bring up Elizabeth, Michael's mistress. Gerard barely talks to his brother, but Frank does, finding out more about his beau. He doesn't learn anything useful as Michael is hesitant in confiding in him, much to Frank's dismay.
Gerard passes the days in an almost dream-like state, the words his brother spoke to him constantly ringing in his ears and chasing after his actions. The words are waiting to pounce on him, waiting to kill him but mostly waiting to be fully comprehended without destroying the listener. Alas, no real movement is made in Gerard's brain until Michael is gone from the premises and off back to Washington with Alicia and the servant girl.
It's merely Gerard and Frank in the parlor, the women in the next room over. The younger wraps his arms around the master of the house, digging into an embrace.
"Finally." Frank whispers.
Frank pulls back from Gerard's chest and smiles up at him. Frank extends his feet until he's on the tips of his toes, and gently pushes his lips against his lover's. Gerard freezes, and Michael's words begin to play again and again in his ears, disturbing his mind with their true, unlying cruelty. He hears all the noises and cheers of agreement, each a protest against what he's doing with Frank, and he tries to convince himself there's nothing wrong, but it's a losing battle because what he's doing is wrong, it's twisted and repulsive.
No matter how much he loves it, kissing Frank is wrong in the eyes of the world and in the eyes of society, the eyes of all his peers.
Gerard takes a step back, disconnecting himself from Frank. Frank's queer, and that's disgusting. He's filthy and queer, everything everyone seems to hate.Gerard's queer too, something that must be amended.
"Get out." Gerard whispers, horrified as he reflects on all his thoughts over the previous years, his actions in the months just prior to now. What he thinks, what he's thought, what he's done is so immoral, so wrong. They're both monsters, him and Frank. Gerard can't welcome one such as Frank whom tempts him so into his residence, the man needs to be gone along with his wicked and seductive ways. Gerard needs to learn to think the thoughts he has about Frank about a woman, not one of the same sex. He's so sick, ill with what he's done and what he is.
"What?" Asks Frank, his brow furrowed in confusion. Did he do something wrong? Is Gerard all right? He's not running a fever, is he? "Do you feel all right, Gerard? Are you ill, Gee?"
"Don't call me that!" Gerard roars, pushing away from Frank. "Frank, you're queer. It's unlawful, everything I think about you is sinful and awful and it needs to change!"
Frank's eyes are wide, his mind whirling. Why is Gerard suddenly so conscious of being quee--oh. "Michael made you think these things, didn't he? Gerard, you told me not to listen to your brother and you go and do exactly that?! Is that not hypocrisy? Why, Gerard, why aren't you listening to your own advice?"
Gerard shakes his head. "It's not simply Michael! It's the world, everyone despises people like us with a burning passion blazing in their hearts!"
"Gerard, just because of a large part of society not accepting us right now doesn't mean they never will! It may take years, centuries even, but eventually people like us will be accepted, treated the same as every other!" Frank protests.
"No, Frank they never will! Get OUT!" Gerard screams. He knows what he's doing is cruel and possibly foolish, but… It's socially ill to be with a man if you are also, indeed a man. Gerard grew up and was expected from day one to be the perfectly polite, textile-produced man who is absolutely normal in all such senses! His views became warped after his father died, and he went and accepted that being queer wasn't an awful thing.
"G-Gerard…" Frank has tears in his eyes, and his bottom lip trembles. When did Gerard… When did Michael change him so much? Why did Michael warp him so greatly, why? The questions swirl in Frank's head as the tears fall, and he whispers in a hushed tone. "Fine. I'll go."
Gerard's heart, despite his mind's protests, shatters when Frank walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Gerard sinks into a couch with a heavy head and the beginnings of a heart break induced head ache when Lindsey and Jamia walk into the room, looking rather concerned. They look at Gerard expectantly, and he wishes they wouldn't look at him, e's such a failure of a man. He can barely keep the tears off his cheeks, his heart batting his mind. What he did was right, for the best. A queer can destroy a family, annihilate a reputation.
"Gerard, why were you and Frank yelling?" Lindsey asks.
"I… I sent him out. We… we can't have a queer in the family."
Lindsey and Jamia's eyes widen. Did… did he really do such a thing?
"Gerard!" Lindsey roars, stomping over to her husband. "In case you haven't noticed, everyone in this entire family is queer!" Lindsey stops in front of her husband, enraged.
"Michael said being queer is wrong… Everyone else agreed." Gerard whispers hoarsely.
"Michael? Micheal! Gerard, you are NOT fifteen any longer! You rarely have dealings with your brother, you can damn well just ignore his opinions! And you've sent Frank out, into the pouring rain, because of an opinion you've ignored so easily up until now?! What is WORNG with you!" Lindsey screams.
"I… I can't… Being queer is a sin." Gerard whispers.
Lindsey slaps him across the face, leaving a nasty looking red mark. She's crying, too. great job trying to be the better man, Gerard. "What happened to the Gerard I knew, the Gerard I married? The one who liked what he liked and didn't give a damn? So what if you, or Frank, is queer? I'd like you better, encase you'd be you. You disgust me, Gerard. The man you love is outside, abandoned in the freezing rain because of your idiocy. I just hope that you know that if he dies it will be all your fault."
Gerard's eyes widen as he processes the news. "It… it's raining?"
Lindsey nods her head, scowling."Get your are out there and bring Frank back to us."
Gerard nods, standing up. "I'm so sorry, Lindsey. JAmia, I'm sorry you had to witness such thing. I'm so sorry."
And he leaves the house without protection from the cold December rain, running down dark roads and searching for the man he might in fact love, no matter how wretched it is of him. He just hopes, above all else, that Frank will be all right.
It's cold, it's wet and Gerard can't find Frank. He runs as fast as his unhealthy bady can carry for him, his eyes darting everywhere all at once to find Frank. Frank is out here, out here somewhere because Gerard is an idiot. Frank doesn't have any sort of shelter that Gerard knows of, and that can't be good. If Frank stays out in the rain in such harsh conditions, he'll certainly contract an illness.
Gerard can't let Frank catch such an illness that might kill him, send him into a feverish and delusional state. Frank can't die. It's simply something that can't happen, that Gerard won't allow to happen. Especially since Gerard is entirely at fault, but it doesn't even matter that it's his fault, he just needs for Frank to be safe, be alive and healthy. He needs Frank.
Gerard is breathing heavily, his limbs burning from such sudden exhaustion and exercise. Black dots are starting to appear in Gerard's vision, but he has to find Frank. He has to find Frank, has to get him back home, back to the house. they live in together. Gerard's eyes search the road desperately for Frank, looking for the man who gave him joy in a time of despair, whom holds his heart. He can't let anything happen to the small man with a big heart and a toothy grin, he just can't.
Gerard can't find Frank, he doesn't even have the air on his lungs to call out his lover's name. He can't stop looking though, can't stop wishing. Can't stop hoping that Frank is okay, that he'll find him. But no matter how hard Gerard wishes, no matter how much he wants he can't stop the tears from rolling out of his eyes, further clouding his vision. He tries to wipe them away but only succeeds in getting more dirty rain water in them, he might never see Frank again. Faced with the situation, Gerard can't think of anything that could possibly be worse.
Gerard wishes he had listened to himself, not letting the words of his brother and so many strangers cloud his vision. He's such and idiot, such scum! He practically killed Frank himself!
He can't stop searching, can't stop running and he can't stop looking. Even as the world tunnels out of his vision and into black, all he can think of is frank and how cruel he was to his lover. All Gerard can think of is how much of a failure he is as he crashes to the ground, rain pouring over his aflame yet so cold body.