I feel so stupid. Like an idiot who only upsets those who matter by trying to satisfy those who don't. Gerard is more concerned about me than his wrapped up wrist. How is that fair? It's not. He shouldn't have to look after me. He shouldn't have to pay for a motel room. He shouldn't have to put up with a pathetic fag like me.
Yet, here we are in a cafe with a sandwich he bought just for me and nothing for him. He just sits infront of me beaming proudly at me because I just ate something. You'd think I'd deserve a medal. I smile back, thinking its a pretty convincing one. I want him to know that I am happy. It is a lie I know. But what Gerard doesn't know won't hurt him. And I hope to keep it that way for his sake of worrying over me.
"I'm proud of you Mikey. I really am! Just know that I will always love you and you don't have to be afraid I will leave you cause I care too much and Frank too!" he says to me making sure I know this and not to be afraid to talk to him.
"I know Gerard. And I love you too." I reply.
He suggests to head home and I agree. I'm wrecked and I just want a nap. Gerard bursts through the front door. I go straight to my bed. Avoiding possibilities of a start of a conversation. I doze off quickly...
"I said drop your pants!" he shouted at me again as I shivered at the thought of what he was a bout to do next.
I fiddled with my buckle trying to delay the situation but I probably end up making it worse. "Get on the bed" he ordered at me.
I crawled on to the bed fearing for the worst night in my life. He was already drunk and previously had a row with my mother about me. I whimper as he gets closer to me. He laughs at me.
"Shut up you, ungrateful little shit." he smirks as I try to crawl further up on the bed.
"where are you bitch? We have plenty of time. Gerard won't be home for hours" my dad says to keep me stilland insult me.
I turnover to cry into my tear-stained pillow. He grabs me from behind. And starts to touch me and I begin to panic.
I'm beginning to start feeling really sweaty but then I suddenly quickly feel my temperature
I'm woken up suddenly by a frightened Gerard who stared at me looking for an explanation. But that was too far. I couldn't tell him that. I decided to leave it to another day if any. I can't let this out to anyone including Frank!
I am so so so sorry for the shortness. The part in his dream could have been longer but I just. Thank you for reading ans please leave a review on how to improve! Rally sorry about how crappy this!