Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Winter Rose
-Frank’s POV-
I woke up all of the sudden on a random day after Gerard said he liked my scent. I woke up not because of the warmth or cold, no; my sleep was peaceful and was the best sleep I could ever get for the past 10 years. Gerard’s body was warm and feels so right to my body; it felt like we were completing each other. The way his breaths touching against my own breathe was like cloud, mine was cold and his was hot, I could swear that our breath would form the frontal rain that came from the colliding hot and cold clouds, he kept me in my beautiful dream for the past 2 weeks and I never want to be awakened from it. The only thing that woke me up was… nothing, nothing at all, the nothingness doesn’t bother, but I just found the urge that I need to wake up, maybe some ghost had been messing with my nerve.
I rolled, backing Gerard and hope I could just peacefully fell asleep again, so I close my eyes and wish that I could dream of the man in front of me, but fail. So I sat up, stretching a bit and stare for awhile at the room, the old-green wallpaper was so dim dark, so do the brick fire-pit and the cocoa doors, I could only see the light from the fire and so little light from the unclosed curtains, moon light. I decide to be fully awakened, and roll down from the bed. I looked at Gerard who was still asleep, so I let him be, travelling his own seems-to-be sweet dream.
I got down the stairs and looked at the wall-clock, it was already 30 to 12 and I don’t know why I was already asleep, usually I sleep around 2am or such, even yesterday I slept at 1.56am. I walked to the kitchen, browse through my fridge and gulp down some chocolate-flavor-soybean-milk, straight from the bottle down to my throat. I stretched my hands and get into the room that my grandfather used to say as music-room, well it really is a music-room, I mean, you could almost find all kind of instrument there, and it was the biggest room in the house, the most grant, and the most comfortable one. I took my black-classical guitar, instead of playing in the warm room; I went out to the back yard and sat on the swing-bench. The snows were melting, I hope I could feel early spring this year, I’ve always hated winter.
I looked at the shining stars, there were only a few there up in the sky, but I was sure they weren’t lonely; they got a moon, comets, meteors and other stars up there, not like me. I lean back on the bench and try to remember my time being here when I was a kid, I really couldn’t remember a thing, though I ever live here 20 years ago, but there was nothing, even things in this house that could remind me of my past, though I know it was a beautiful memories, and regretted of forgetting it. I sighed, I feel my own memories was playing like a game, I’ve went into a journey here and there, yet I could only remember so little thing, if I was a computer I would already upgrade my ram and remember every single thing I want to remember.
“Lonely… really?” no I, I wasn’t lonely, not anymore. I got Gerard here, the beauty to my eyes, the candy to my ears, the appetite to my tongue, the jail of my body, the dream of my heart. I hope he would see the love-light I had for him; I don’t want to bury this feeling forever, it had of course always heart breaking to keep your feeling, even if it’s a too-sudden love.
Being alone in the dark, I remember the day when my parents’ divorce as the darkness of the sky reminds me about the darkness of my heart and a whole hole of pitiful life that I was drowning in. I remember how broken I was, I remember how I want to fly through the sky, I remember how the world seems to drag me into hell all at once without letting me to bargain. It was awful, of course it was, I’ve never felt something more awfully painful than that, and also… they throw me around and disown me, they ditch me alone in the corner of heartbreaking needs and leave me be, whatever they gave whatever they did was never be the form of love the form of care that a parent should give to their son, they only shove me money and stuff without caring how much I want to see them, without caring how much tears I’ve shed for them. I could survive without food or luxuries that they gave me, but I knew I couldn’t live without the amount of love I used to get. I couldn’t and I try not to be able too.
Once, when I was a kid, being careless was one form of habits or hobby, or whatever it was, I just loved to be careless and cheated the world.
Being 13 and lonely, I was craving for love and begged it so bad from even strangers, I learn to date without a teacher to taught me, my first girlfriend name was Erica, she taught me how to love, learn to love other than my family… then she leave me easily when she found someone that she thought even better than me… and by then, I learnt to be hurt by strangers as I didn’t know so much thing about her, not much at all, nevertheless, I learn it all, memorize it all, and liked the feeling of both, pain, love, and even lust.
Being curios and young, I grew interest in men when I was 17 it was just a random curiosity of a boy, but my curiosity can kill, so I started to flirt around some dude who actually could accept of how much gay I could be. My first boyfriend called Brandon who later broke up with me cause his parents were against his homosexuality, even though so, he made me explore such a great experience, he helps me found a whole new fun to begin and end with, no… I’ve never end it yet, and after finding Gerard… ending this would be a waste, especially when I’ve achieve this far.
“Fuck my past…” I start to stream my guitar, singing a song that I hear on the day I saw Gerard, before I found him though, but I kept on hearing it on the radio, and I thought this song fit him and me.
“To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?” I haven’t finish singing the song when I heard the sliding back door was being open rather harshly.
I hear a pant right when I say the last words, “You emitted a fucking beautiful voice, Frank…” I saw Gerard standing there, before the glassed-door, with eyes wide open and literally-jaw-dropping, either way he stills looked stunning to my eyes.
I could feel my face turning beet-red, this was not the first time I sang in front of him, but it was the first time he compliment me, my voice! He just compliments me! And God damn, I’ve never been so good at answering compliment! Especially when it slips from the tongue of the best-looking creature I ever see, “Euh… thanks I guess?” I scratched my not-itchy chin, embarrassed, I couldn’t say anything other than that, I don’t even know if I should say it actually; he was such a great flirt, I could swear if he didn’t went in a coma and live life normally, he would date many girls or even guys, I just glad he went through it.
I crossed the yard and walked into his direction, push him slowly back to the house in a gentle gesture, “You don’t want to break a finger~” I said cheerfully, noticing he was shivering, I don’t want to make him sick again, and the breeze starts to chill me down too. He grinned and obediently walked in to the house, seems to notice the worry in my eyes. “Did you choke again?” I asked teasingly.
He pouted, “Of course not.”
“So?” I locked the door and walk toward the music-room, 3 steps away from him. I didn’t want to see his pout; I’m not ready to worship his cuteness again.
“I didn’t see you besides me…” he sounded really down, so cute. Wait what? HE WANTS ME? BESIDES HIM? I wish I heard it right.
After I put my guitar away, keep it save in the music-room, I faced him and tip-toed, just to mess with his hair, “Kiddo~” I teased him and lead him back to the room again. His hair was so soft against my arm, I want to touch it, grab it and pull it down so he would face down to me forever, but it was just a dream, I wouldn’t do it, I’d feel like a pedophile, even though practically I wasn’t. “Let’s go back to sleep~”
“I’m not sleepy now… and it’s all because of you!” he whined and throw himself to the bed, his hair covered his pale face and the moon-light shone on him, oh fuck I want to fuck him just now. I giggle; the way he whines was so cute. “Don’t laugh like that…”
I twirl my lips, trying to stop, “Why?” I giggled again as I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.
“You make me feels like a kid…” he pouted, well you were a kid Gerard.
“Sure,” I said, made him smiles, “I’m not sleepy too… but it’s late, if we watch TV, there won’t be anything fun…” I sat on the bed, next to him and face him, he was thinking, in a cute way, really cute. Oh my dear Lord, I couldn’t believe he was already 30.
“Let’s watch movie then!” he said, childishly with a grin on and eyes become really bright.
“Hmm… sure…” I rolled down my bed and open my DVD-pocket, looking for some movie that watchable by him, I only had movies with adult-scene… I used it for leading my partner in sex, since I don’t really watch movie as a hobby, but my dear Lord, Gerard was not my partner, and he still had an innocent mind, I don’t want to rub dirt on his brain. “Gee…” I called out, my voice was a bit cracked but I hope he didn’t notice it.
“Yea?”
“Is it fine with you if we watch horror movie?” I asked, though that wasn’t the exact problem I wanted to ask him.
“I love horror!” I could imagine that he was jumping on the bed, happy, but maybe not. NO!!! He should just deny it and we could watch other movie!!!
“Great,” WHY DID YOU SAY THAT FRANK? OMG YOU AIRHEAD!!! THIS MOVIE IS RATED!!! RATED!!! WAS THERE NO ANY BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS? I took a horror movie which had a weird story line and weird ghost weird demon weird horror but great sex and WHY THE FUCK DID I CHOOSE THIS MOVIE?
I silently insert the CD, for some reason I didn’t hesitate to put it on, and I hope this won’t scare him up. Not because of the ghost. It’s the other kind of fear.
I crawl on to the bed, sat beside him and keep my mouth shut as the movie started. It was normal at the beginning and Gerard wouldn’t stop talking about the movie, and I kept on answering him patiently and we would giggle together and and and I felt like his boyfriend already, fuck my retard sissy stomach was turning into butterfly and my heart was torturing me again, I want to touch him so bad until it hurt to just be with him.
“Frank…” he started talking at the boring part of the movie.
“Yea?” he stills had his eyes straight to the screen, should I hate TV now?
“You know why I wanted to live with you?” he looked at me while moving slowly closer. He fell on my chest and lay his head there, hugging my body with his slender right hands, was he listening to my heartbeat?
I could feel his breathe and when I looked down at him, his red hair was nuzzling his nose slightly. I shove his hairs away so I could read through his eyes, “Nope, why?” my whole body was numbed when my skin was accidentally brush to his skin, there was some kind of cold temperature that chill my blood in my vein, suddenly clog my vein and stop it from the flow, I thought he turned me into a corpse.
He smiled slightly to my eyes and I could swear my heart was punching my flesh. I really should let my heart to have some kind of boxing championship with my other organs. “Because Frank… you’re lonely…” one short, clear, bold and shocking answer. The reason was me, not him, my loneliness, not him, how could he?
I looked away, trying to distract my mind. He seems to be unable to speak too.
“Oh, gosh I love you…” he said, in such a low tone, enjoying one and every thrust of it, distracting my mind for what I want to think,
“No, I love you most~” thrust and more thrust coming, there’s no light in this dark, this was wrong but feels so right.
“Is this your first time?” the way he asked was so sweet; I couldn’t help not to tell honesty.
“No, but this is my best time…” frowned, hitting his prostate was so good.
“And we love each other,” the tongue, the lips, the attack the fight was too awful and awesome, who could resist? If the whole world was full of beautiful man, I would stay for this one. Because he was fucking perfect.
“You have the best taste ever…” the way he moan in, the way he emit those cheap whore voice from his high-class throat, the way he press his lips on.
“And your taste is also irresistible…” I could taste his saliva, could feel his tongue battle could feel everything.
“Frank…” Gerard’s voice broke my concentration from the scene that got my brain away from our earlier talk; oh fuck he must have a thought that I’m a pervert now. To watch such movie seriously, to have eyes fixed to the screen and ignore our talk, especially when this movie is a gay-porn-movie, who would thought I’m innocent now?
“Y-yes?” I gulped down my saliva, being nervous; I wanted to vanish from this world right now, this is just a very embarrassing things. I could see how his pupil grows bigger when he hear something on the TV, maybe the scream or whatever it is, but I could be careless, once I hear his voice, I grew deaf, my ears want his voice, it only wanted to listen to his voice.
He looked at me, right to the eyes; I couldn’t feel my face heating up because it already was hot from the earlier talk, even before the dirty scene. “Umm… I don’t know how to ask this…” he looked away, playing with his finger. “You… have you had your first kiss?”
I almost choked at his question, he wasn’t angry or anything, he was just asking me an innocent question, I would be able to say no but that would be a lie, and even though he might not be able to see lies through my eyes, I knew he would think it’s odd, and I didn’t want to lie to him, I want him to be the man that know everything about me, and my past.
“I have…” I quiet hesitate on my own answer.
He looked at my eyes and smiled, “You didn’t lie to me…” he stated in such a relief, makes me kind of confuse, was he just trying to tease me or what?
He then lean to me with his eyes fixed to my eyes, I wanted to back off but I couldn’t, I couldn’t help my body to move, there was some kind of gravity that calls my body into him, to stay close to him. “Then…”
I gulped down my saliva, “Would you mind to take my first kiss away?”
This was what I feared off. That movie turns my little angel into a devil, I made him fucking horny or maybe not, oh fuck whatever Frank, and you just turn this kid who was trapped in a man body into a fucked up devil. “But Gee…”
“But what?” a slight of disappointment was shown in his eyes, he looked hurt, fake or not, I couldn’t tell. It stabs my lung and burst all of my alveoli, my vein rips off and bleed through my flesh, I was grasping for breathe and I know I was losing one and every oxygen I had in this filthy human body, till I had nothing left to lift my oxygen. You sure knew how to use your face as a weapon, Gerard.
I cleared my throat, “Won’t you do it with someone you love instead of me?”I asked, trying to calm myself from trembling.
Gerard smiled and huffed as the tail of his smile; “Frank…” his voice was so soft, so gentle, so angelic… he made me feels even worst.
His smile turned into a confusion, “Maybe this sound weird…” it does sounds weird, sugar, “But… you makes my stomach hurt, you makes my heart almost explode, you makes my liver light, you stop my kidney from cleaning my blood, you makes me blind by your lovely face, your painted skins makes me to touch you every second we spend together. I love you so much… too much until it feels hurt to my organs when you were treating me like a kid, instead of a man that you’d love.” A tear rolls on his eyes like how my heart let my blood bleed out randomly, “I knew this sounded creepy… but ever since you found me, ever since you talk to me… I’m in love with you… and I know what does it feels to be in love… so, don’t tell me that I misunderstand my feelings. Because Frank, I’m not a little kid anymore…”
I couldn’t stand the way he almost cried, I cling on his neck and crash our lips together, I AT LAST COULD FEEL THE MOIST TEXTURE OF HIS LIPS!!! I leaned down to him and broke apart, I pinned him down on the bed and I looked down into his eyes, with passion and love.
“If you’re creepy what am I then? I haven’t even hear your voice, haven’t even see your eyes, I only see your hair when I fell in love with you, when your gravity dragging me like if I was some kind of meteor that going to vanish by the ozone, but I didn’t vanish, I didn’t…” I bury my face on the bed, hiding my tears, “because you now… love me too…”
I woke up all of the sudden on a random day after Gerard said he liked my scent. I woke up not because of the warmth or cold, no; my sleep was peaceful and was the best sleep I could ever get for the past 10 years. Gerard’s body was warm and feels so right to my body; it felt like we were completing each other. The way his breaths touching against my own breathe was like cloud, mine was cold and his was hot, I could swear that our breath would form the frontal rain that came from the colliding hot and cold clouds, he kept me in my beautiful dream for the past 2 weeks and I never want to be awakened from it. The only thing that woke me up was… nothing, nothing at all, the nothingness doesn’t bother, but I just found the urge that I need to wake up, maybe some ghost had been messing with my nerve.
I rolled, backing Gerard and hope I could just peacefully fell asleep again, so I close my eyes and wish that I could dream of the man in front of me, but fail. So I sat up, stretching a bit and stare for awhile at the room, the old-green wallpaper was so dim dark, so do the brick fire-pit and the cocoa doors, I could only see the light from the fire and so little light from the unclosed curtains, moon light. I decide to be fully awakened, and roll down from the bed. I looked at Gerard who was still asleep, so I let him be, travelling his own seems-to-be sweet dream.
I got down the stairs and looked at the wall-clock, it was already 30 to 12 and I don’t know why I was already asleep, usually I sleep around 2am or such, even yesterday I slept at 1.56am. I walked to the kitchen, browse through my fridge and gulp down some chocolate-flavor-soybean-milk, straight from the bottle down to my throat. I stretched my hands and get into the room that my grandfather used to say as music-room, well it really is a music-room, I mean, you could almost find all kind of instrument there, and it was the biggest room in the house, the most grant, and the most comfortable one. I took my black-classical guitar, instead of playing in the warm room; I went out to the back yard and sat on the swing-bench. The snows were melting, I hope I could feel early spring this year, I’ve always hated winter.
I looked at the shining stars, there were only a few there up in the sky, but I was sure they weren’t lonely; they got a moon, comets, meteors and other stars up there, not like me. I lean back on the bench and try to remember my time being here when I was a kid, I really couldn’t remember a thing, though I ever live here 20 years ago, but there was nothing, even things in this house that could remind me of my past, though I know it was a beautiful memories, and regretted of forgetting it. I sighed, I feel my own memories was playing like a game, I’ve went into a journey here and there, yet I could only remember so little thing, if I was a computer I would already upgrade my ram and remember every single thing I want to remember.
“Lonely… really?” no I, I wasn’t lonely, not anymore. I got Gerard here, the beauty to my eyes, the candy to my ears, the appetite to my tongue, the jail of my body, the dream of my heart. I hope he would see the love-light I had for him; I don’t want to bury this feeling forever, it had of course always heart breaking to keep your feeling, even if it’s a too-sudden love.
Being alone in the dark, I remember the day when my parents’ divorce as the darkness of the sky reminds me about the darkness of my heart and a whole hole of pitiful life that I was drowning in. I remember how broken I was, I remember how I want to fly through the sky, I remember how the world seems to drag me into hell all at once without letting me to bargain. It was awful, of course it was, I’ve never felt something more awfully painful than that, and also… they throw me around and disown me, they ditch me alone in the corner of heartbreaking needs and leave me be, whatever they gave whatever they did was never be the form of love the form of care that a parent should give to their son, they only shove me money and stuff without caring how much I want to see them, without caring how much tears I’ve shed for them. I could survive without food or luxuries that they gave me, but I knew I couldn’t live without the amount of love I used to get. I couldn’t and I try not to be able too.
Once, when I was a kid, being careless was one form of habits or hobby, or whatever it was, I just loved to be careless and cheated the world.
Being 13 and lonely, I was craving for love and begged it so bad from even strangers, I learn to date without a teacher to taught me, my first girlfriend name was Erica, she taught me how to love, learn to love other than my family… then she leave me easily when she found someone that she thought even better than me… and by then, I learnt to be hurt by strangers as I didn’t know so much thing about her, not much at all, nevertheless, I learn it all, memorize it all, and liked the feeling of both, pain, love, and even lust.
Being curios and young, I grew interest in men when I was 17 it was just a random curiosity of a boy, but my curiosity can kill, so I started to flirt around some dude who actually could accept of how much gay I could be. My first boyfriend called Brandon who later broke up with me cause his parents were against his homosexuality, even though so, he made me explore such a great experience, he helps me found a whole new fun to begin and end with, no… I’ve never end it yet, and after finding Gerard… ending this would be a waste, especially when I’ve achieve this far.
“Fuck my past…” I start to stream my guitar, singing a song that I hear on the day I saw Gerard, before I found him though, but I kept on hearing it on the radio, and I thought this song fit him and me.
“To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?” I haven’t finish singing the song when I heard the sliding back door was being open rather harshly.
I hear a pant right when I say the last words, “You emitted a fucking beautiful voice, Frank…” I saw Gerard standing there, before the glassed-door, with eyes wide open and literally-jaw-dropping, either way he stills looked stunning to my eyes.
I could feel my face turning beet-red, this was not the first time I sang in front of him, but it was the first time he compliment me, my voice! He just compliments me! And God damn, I’ve never been so good at answering compliment! Especially when it slips from the tongue of the best-looking creature I ever see, “Euh… thanks I guess?” I scratched my not-itchy chin, embarrassed, I couldn’t say anything other than that, I don’t even know if I should say it actually; he was such a great flirt, I could swear if he didn’t went in a coma and live life normally, he would date many girls or even guys, I just glad he went through it.
I crossed the yard and walked into his direction, push him slowly back to the house in a gentle gesture, “You don’t want to break a finger~” I said cheerfully, noticing he was shivering, I don’t want to make him sick again, and the breeze starts to chill me down too. He grinned and obediently walked in to the house, seems to notice the worry in my eyes. “Did you choke again?” I asked teasingly.
He pouted, “Of course not.”
“So?” I locked the door and walk toward the music-room, 3 steps away from him. I didn’t want to see his pout; I’m not ready to worship his cuteness again.
“I didn’t see you besides me…” he sounded really down, so cute. Wait what? HE WANTS ME? BESIDES HIM? I wish I heard it right.
After I put my guitar away, keep it save in the music-room, I faced him and tip-toed, just to mess with his hair, “Kiddo~” I teased him and lead him back to the room again. His hair was so soft against my arm, I want to touch it, grab it and pull it down so he would face down to me forever, but it was just a dream, I wouldn’t do it, I’d feel like a pedophile, even though practically I wasn’t. “Let’s go back to sleep~”
“I’m not sleepy now… and it’s all because of you!” he whined and throw himself to the bed, his hair covered his pale face and the moon-light shone on him, oh fuck I want to fuck him just now. I giggle; the way he whines was so cute. “Don’t laugh like that…”
I twirl my lips, trying to stop, “Why?” I giggled again as I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.
“You make me feels like a kid…” he pouted, well you were a kid Gerard.
“Sure,” I said, made him smiles, “I’m not sleepy too… but it’s late, if we watch TV, there won’t be anything fun…” I sat on the bed, next to him and face him, he was thinking, in a cute way, really cute. Oh my dear Lord, I couldn’t believe he was already 30.
“Let’s watch movie then!” he said, childishly with a grin on and eyes become really bright.
“Hmm… sure…” I rolled down my bed and open my DVD-pocket, looking for some movie that watchable by him, I only had movies with adult-scene… I used it for leading my partner in sex, since I don’t really watch movie as a hobby, but my dear Lord, Gerard was not my partner, and he still had an innocent mind, I don’t want to rub dirt on his brain. “Gee…” I called out, my voice was a bit cracked but I hope he didn’t notice it.
“Yea?”
“Is it fine with you if we watch horror movie?” I asked, though that wasn’t the exact problem I wanted to ask him.
“I love horror!” I could imagine that he was jumping on the bed, happy, but maybe not. NO!!! He should just deny it and we could watch other movie!!!
“Great,” WHY DID YOU SAY THAT FRANK? OMG YOU AIRHEAD!!! THIS MOVIE IS RATED!!! RATED!!! WAS THERE NO ANY BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS? I took a horror movie which had a weird story line and weird ghost weird demon weird horror but great sex and WHY THE FUCK DID I CHOOSE THIS MOVIE?
I silently insert the CD, for some reason I didn’t hesitate to put it on, and I hope this won’t scare him up. Not because of the ghost. It’s the other kind of fear.
I crawl on to the bed, sat beside him and keep my mouth shut as the movie started. It was normal at the beginning and Gerard wouldn’t stop talking about the movie, and I kept on answering him patiently and we would giggle together and and and I felt like his boyfriend already, fuck my retard sissy stomach was turning into butterfly and my heart was torturing me again, I want to touch him so bad until it hurt to just be with him.
“Frank…” he started talking at the boring part of the movie.
“Yea?” he stills had his eyes straight to the screen, should I hate TV now?
“You know why I wanted to live with you?” he looked at me while moving slowly closer. He fell on my chest and lay his head there, hugging my body with his slender right hands, was he listening to my heartbeat?
I could feel his breathe and when I looked down at him, his red hair was nuzzling his nose slightly. I shove his hairs away so I could read through his eyes, “Nope, why?” my whole body was numbed when my skin was accidentally brush to his skin, there was some kind of cold temperature that chill my blood in my vein, suddenly clog my vein and stop it from the flow, I thought he turned me into a corpse.
He smiled slightly to my eyes and I could swear my heart was punching my flesh. I really should let my heart to have some kind of boxing championship with my other organs. “Because Frank… you’re lonely…” one short, clear, bold and shocking answer. The reason was me, not him, my loneliness, not him, how could he?
I looked away, trying to distract my mind. He seems to be unable to speak too.
“Oh, gosh I love you…” he said, in such a low tone, enjoying one and every thrust of it, distracting my mind for what I want to think,
“No, I love you most~” thrust and more thrust coming, there’s no light in this dark, this was wrong but feels so right.
“Is this your first time?” the way he asked was so sweet; I couldn’t help not to tell honesty.
“No, but this is my best time…” frowned, hitting his prostate was so good.
“And we love each other,” the tongue, the lips, the attack the fight was too awful and awesome, who could resist? If the whole world was full of beautiful man, I would stay for this one. Because he was fucking perfect.
“You have the best taste ever…” the way he moan in, the way he emit those cheap whore voice from his high-class throat, the way he press his lips on.
“And your taste is also irresistible…” I could taste his saliva, could feel his tongue battle could feel everything.
“Frank…” Gerard’s voice broke my concentration from the scene that got my brain away from our earlier talk; oh fuck he must have a thought that I’m a pervert now. To watch such movie seriously, to have eyes fixed to the screen and ignore our talk, especially when this movie is a gay-porn-movie, who would thought I’m innocent now?
“Y-yes?” I gulped down my saliva, being nervous; I wanted to vanish from this world right now, this is just a very embarrassing things. I could see how his pupil grows bigger when he hear something on the TV, maybe the scream or whatever it is, but I could be careless, once I hear his voice, I grew deaf, my ears want his voice, it only wanted to listen to his voice.
He looked at me, right to the eyes; I couldn’t feel my face heating up because it already was hot from the earlier talk, even before the dirty scene. “Umm… I don’t know how to ask this…” he looked away, playing with his finger. “You… have you had your first kiss?”
I almost choked at his question, he wasn’t angry or anything, he was just asking me an innocent question, I would be able to say no but that would be a lie, and even though he might not be able to see lies through my eyes, I knew he would think it’s odd, and I didn’t want to lie to him, I want him to be the man that know everything about me, and my past.
“I have…” I quiet hesitate on my own answer.
He looked at my eyes and smiled, “You didn’t lie to me…” he stated in such a relief, makes me kind of confuse, was he just trying to tease me or what?
He then lean to me with his eyes fixed to my eyes, I wanted to back off but I couldn’t, I couldn’t help my body to move, there was some kind of gravity that calls my body into him, to stay close to him. “Then…”
I gulped down my saliva, “Would you mind to take my first kiss away?”
This was what I feared off. That movie turns my little angel into a devil, I made him fucking horny or maybe not, oh fuck whatever Frank, and you just turn this kid who was trapped in a man body into a fucked up devil. “But Gee…”
“But what?” a slight of disappointment was shown in his eyes, he looked hurt, fake or not, I couldn’t tell. It stabs my lung and burst all of my alveoli, my vein rips off and bleed through my flesh, I was grasping for breathe and I know I was losing one and every oxygen I had in this filthy human body, till I had nothing left to lift my oxygen. You sure knew how to use your face as a weapon, Gerard.
I cleared my throat, “Won’t you do it with someone you love instead of me?”I asked, trying to calm myself from trembling.
Gerard smiled and huffed as the tail of his smile; “Frank…” his voice was so soft, so gentle, so angelic… he made me feels even worst.
His smile turned into a confusion, “Maybe this sound weird…” it does sounds weird, sugar, “But… you makes my stomach hurt, you makes my heart almost explode, you makes my liver light, you stop my kidney from cleaning my blood, you makes me blind by your lovely face, your painted skins makes me to touch you every second we spend together. I love you so much… too much until it feels hurt to my organs when you were treating me like a kid, instead of a man that you’d love.” A tear rolls on his eyes like how my heart let my blood bleed out randomly, “I knew this sounded creepy… but ever since you found me, ever since you talk to me… I’m in love with you… and I know what does it feels to be in love… so, don’t tell me that I misunderstand my feelings. Because Frank, I’m not a little kid anymore…”
I couldn’t stand the way he almost cried, I cling on his neck and crash our lips together, I AT LAST COULD FEEL THE MOIST TEXTURE OF HIS LIPS!!! I leaned down to him and broke apart, I pinned him down on the bed and I looked down into his eyes, with passion and love.
“If you’re creepy what am I then? I haven’t even hear your voice, haven’t even see your eyes, I only see your hair when I fell in love with you, when your gravity dragging me like if I was some kind of meteor that going to vanish by the ozone, but I didn’t vanish, I didn’t…” I bury my face on the bed, hiding my tears, “because you now… love me too…”
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