I wait at the gates in the field, clutching Clydes ashes. He loved to walk here, it's a shame i only got to walk him a few times. Again there's nobody to blame but me and my opwn problems. My own stupidity. I hear soft, small footsteps coming from behind me and i whirl around happier than ever to see him. "You came." I smile at him.
"I did, for you and that dog of yours." He sighs.
"I didn't think you'd come." I confess looking at the floor.
"I came Gerard. But i don't know if i could come again. Y-You're just crazy." He exclaims.
"I know, but i want to make it better." I say willing him to believe me, but i can tell he doesn't. It's just fear and concern. "Please, I need you." I admit, vulnerability coming out of me again.
"One last time. And then i'm gone Gerard. And i won't be coming back." He says quickly, his voice loud and sincere. I can't fuck it up this time.
"I promise i won't mess you around, i'll be better." I say planting a soft kiss on his lips.
"Come on then let's lay this dog to rest." He says as we walk towards the stream, hand in hand. Bittersweet as it may be.
The Next Day
"Oh where was I?" Mom bustles back in from the kitchen carrying her daily newspapers and letters.
"Making me that sandwich i hope!" I replied back smartly.
"Oh don't ever grow up will you? Always need Mommy to make you a sandwich?" She puts on a baby voice and wraps the sandwich in clingfilm, placing it in a plastic lunchbox and throiwng in a bag of crisps. " My Mum never did." I fire back.
"I will take that myself if you're not careful." She replies snatching my lunchbox away from me.
"What is going on?" Mikey smiles as he enters the kitchen, his hair straighteners in one hand and his hair gel in the other.
"Nothing much, just having painful flashbacks of Mom starving us as kids!" I pout as they both roll their eyes and try to disguise their matching grins. "I'd better get going." I say before snatching my lunchbox and running away before i can have my lunch stolen again. Ah the Joys of Morning with Mother and Brother.
I step off the bus and walk into the cafe i know Frank is sitting in. I can't wait to move into the village, life will be alot simpler. Everything more accessable and less buses to rely on. The bell chimes as i enter and right away i see Frank slumped over a table covered in endless coffee cups and a plat of eggs on toast. "Hey." I smile symapthetically sitting down opposite him. I left him alone last night as he was still pretty shocked, plus knowing him the way i do, you quickly realise it's better to leave him alone when he's feeling more on the negative side. "Alright" He replies monotonously. Another thing you have to learn? Never take little things like that personally. "So i was looking in the papers and a man a few villages down is selling English Bulldogs." I smile. " I think that would be right up your street."
"I don't want another dog, not yet anyway." He says going back to his eggs and toast.
"Fair enough." I reply simply setting my lunch on the table. He looks inside and sees the crisps my Mom had thrown in for me.
"Oh here we go." He says rolling his eyes at my questioning look. "Could you not bring something half decent like Pom Bears or something?"
"What? McCoys are the business, i may be gay but i'm no sissy. McCoys is a mans crisp!" I declare earning a room full of horrified and baffled stares.
"I've got to get to work and run a few errands so i'll catch you later yeah?" Frank says standing up.
"Oh errands?" I ask, he never runs errands, he normally gets his Mum doing them for him.
"Yeah getting revenge on that fucker the killed my Clyde." He says, anger burning in his eyes.
"Frank, can you not give it a rest? This won't fix anything." I say an angry tone in my voice.
"So what you want him to get away with murdering my dog! I don't think so!" He sneers, storming away.
I sit alone thinking about Frank as usual. He was going to hurt for a while from now. I expected it, i knew he adored that dog. But still getting revenge wasn't going to do any good to anyone. And that's when it hit me, i could change his path of destruction. And that's exactly where i was heading now.
"So you wanted to talk?" I ask sitting by Gerard.
"Yeah." He smiles softly.
"So what is it?" I say scared he's had enough already. I wouldn't blame him at all.
"I paid him off."
"That guy, i paid him off."
"WHAT?!" i stand up enraged. "You idiot!" I scream walking out, knowing he was hot on my heels.
"What did you want me to do?!" He screams. "Wait for him to kill you aswell!"
"No, but you've made me look like a total mug! Why don't you get it Gerard? Why? This is who i am okay? I'm a fuck up! Why can't you see that? Or better yet! Why don't you just run out on me like everyone else does?!"
"Don't Frank, don't go there."
"Say it Gerard, go on end it all here."
"Well you fucking want to don't you?!" I scream as we approach Dayles house. "Why don't you put yourself out of your misery!"
"Because I love you!" He screams.
And a stunned silence comes over us out of nowhere.