Does Mikey see Frank again?
I cried after Frank had left on Friday, after he'd kissed me. I'd wanted something like this to happen for so long yet the tears were definitely not tears of joy. They shook my body long after the heartfelt liquid that fell from my eyes had dried on my cheeks. I couldn't bring myself to move from where I'd fallen to the ground for a fucking long time, just trying to stop my heart spasming in my chest.
If Frank had kissed me at any other time, even just a week ago, everything would be fine, well I hoped so at least. I still keep thinking that Frank just kissed me because he knew about my pathetic crush and wanted me to spill my secret, though I try to push those thoughts away. Besides, if it was a game to Frank, then why did he run out, why did he get that look in his eyes. It wasn't just a game. It was what I had dreamt of for so long and it finally happened and I can't even be fucking happy about it. All I can do is cry and replay that moment over and over again in my head. The feel of Frank's lips against mine, the warmth, his soft hands on my face... I couldn't forget it even though I was trying to. I don't even know why I was trying to, I should fucking relish that moment, but something about it caused the memory to be bittersweet in my mind.
The events of the day before.
The jock had kissed me. I'd tried to turn my head away but he punched it back into place, so I was facing him. I'd never been kissed before, by anyone, and my first kiss was from him. I didn't kiss back, obviously, but...because of that, I've started to associate Frank with that jock and everything he did to me.
Frank. My best friend, the boy I'm in love with. He could never be like that jock, never. Only my mind seemed to think differently, it was playing tricks on me.
I wanted to escape it, my own mind, just for a bit. To float somewhere and really think about everything but, I can't. Especially not after that text from Frank.
We need to talk. I'll be at yours in fifteen minutes.
Frank has never not put a kiss on a text before in his life. I panicked when I first read it. I read it over and over and over, still panicking.
I'm sat on the sofa, chewing the inside of my lip and rocking back and forth slightly, 13 minutes after the message was sent.
What if he's going to tell me we can't be friends anymore? Why would he do that though, it's not liked I kissed him. Gerard could have told him what happened to me and now he's coming to ridicule me, to tell me I'm dirty and pathetic and unloved, just like I am.
I washed three times yesterday and I can still fell that jock on me, and in me. Gerard was getting really concerned about my obsessive washing, he still is concerned. He's being trying to convince me to get some sort of therapy or something, though I don't think it will help. I don't think anything will help, not even Frank anymore.
Knock knock knock.
My heart began to race in my chest, as if it was trying to burst free from my body. I rose shakily to my feet and walked towards the door before I really registered I was doing it.
When I opened the door, Frank was stood soaking wet in the pouring rain, just looking up at me with his big brown eyes. I was frozen to the spot, unsure of what to do.
'Can I come in or what?' Frank asked, a slight edge to his tone. I swallowed the lump in my throat I didn't know had formed and stepped back to let him in.
'Yeah, of course, sorry,' I said quietly.
'Don't be sorry,' Frank said quietly back, making my stomach swoop. We just stood there, awkwardly in my hallway, Frank dripping wet, for a little while. Neither of us were looking at each other and the tension was almost strangling me, making my breathing less steady.
'So, how have you been?' Frank asked after a very long, awkward silence. I nodded.
'I've been...well I've been shit. How have you been?'
'The same, ' Frank replied, 'I'm sorry I ran out on you the other day...' He brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. I sighed.
'Its okay.' Silence descended between us once again and my stomach was flipping wildly, practically begging me to just ask him about the kiss. I couldn't though, he probably just wants to forget it ever happened. As soon as one thing goes right, there's something ten times worse hanging over me, why is that? Things can't ever just go right, something has to fuck it all up.
'Mikey?' Frank asked suddenly, 'I kinda really need to talk to you.' My heart fluttered as he looked into my eyes sincerely.
'Upstairs?' I asked. A smile ghosted Frank's lips.
'So obsessed with the bedroom, Mr.Way.' An equally weak smile fought its way onto my lips.
'Shut up and climb the stairs, Iero,' I replied. He did as I said and we both sat down on my bed.
'You wanted to talk,' I stated. Frank let out a deep sigh and looked straight into my eyes.
'I'm, I'm just gonna be honest with you because honesty is the best policy, or so my mum says. Anyway, when I kissed you on Friday Mikey, I meant it. I like you, like fucking like you. Shit, I think I'm fucking in love with you. I just, I didn't know how to feel about it, what to do, so I did nothing, said nothing. But, I'm saying something now, and that's what really counts. Just don't burn me alive or anything, please.' My heart beat was radiating throughout my body, blood pulsing through my veins. I could feel tears beginning to form behind my eyes, prickling, but refused to let them fall. I fought back the smile threatening to erupt and instead I sighed.
'I've been such an idiot,' I began and I could see panic flickering across Frank's large eyes, 'I've been in love with you for all this time and never fucking said a thing when you liked me too.' I smiled at Frank who beamed at me, laughing slightly.
'Fucking scared me then Mikes, you prick.' I laughed a little too and just continued to stare at Frank.
'Can I...kiss you?' I asked quietly. Frank just smiled.
'You don't have to fucking ask!' he replied, before leaning in and placing his lips to mine.
It was better this time, sweeter. Our lips moved perfectly in time and Frank placed a delicate hand on my waist, mine working through his ebony hair. All of a sudden, I felt like a weight was lifted off me, like nothing else mattered. The events of Thursday after school were erased, like they never happened. All that mattered was the amazing boy with his lips pressed against my own. I felt unstoppable, I felt amazing. All thanks to Frank.
He pulled away after a while and touched our foreheads together, breath mingling between us.
'Mikey, what happened to you after school on Thursday?' Frank asked softly. There it was again, that heavy feeling I didn't know I had been carrying before. It seemed to press down on me, stopping me from fighting back.
'I was raped Frank,' I replied, words falling easily from my lips, 'he raped me.' Frank enveloped me in a bone crushing hug, rubbing one of his hands up and down my back.
Just as quick as I was in his embrace, I was out of it. He jumped up and began pacing back and forth along my room, anger sparking in his eyes and on his features.
'Fucking hell. How could they do that to you, Mikes? Who was it?' I knew who it was, I remembered him. A part of me didn't want to tell Frank but...
'It was Henry,' I say, 'Henry Linton.'
Frank turned to face me.
'When I see him in school tomorrow, I am so gonna kill him,' Frank said, teeth gritted.
'No, Frank. Just leave it.'
'Just leave it! He fucking raped you Mikey!' he yelled. I winced at his words and he quickly sat down next to me, placing his arm around my shoulders.
'Don't worry about it Mikes, he'll get what's coming to him, trust me.'