'I had nothing against silence, but it was only pleasant when I had someone to share it with." Ryden :)
the walls closing in on me. I usually didn’t mind. I usually loved the sound of pure nothing swirling around me. No distracting noises to send my intricate web of thoughts crashing down like a card house. Nothing to stop me from drifting into a peaceful daydream.
But that’s exactly what I needed. The loneliness was starting to creep up my spine and poison my daydreams with regret. Regret for exploding with anger at Ryan, regret for not apologizing, regret for leaving the diner without him. I thought that the silence would be calming, but it was quite the opposite. More than anything I wanted to curl up in Ryan’s warm embrace and listen to his symphonic heartbeat. That would make the silence bearable.
I hoped that he hadn’t taken my somewhat childish fit as horribly as I did. Whenever he got upset, he would turn to alcohol to soothe his wounded ego. Glass after glass would spill down his throat, impairing his judgement and sending him home a drunken mess. I would always be the one to clean him up and ease him into bed. When he was unconscious I would stare at his problem-ridden face. I would cry for hours at a time. Sometimes Ryan would wake up and I would have to look away and dab my eyes. He could never know of my pain. It would only make him drink more.
I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen. That’s why I blew up at him in the diner. Ryan had ordered a few drinks, making my blood boil to the extent that my face flushed slightly and my knuckles whitened as I clutched the edge of the table. He asked me why I was so upset, oblivious to the torture he was inflicting upon the both of us. His simple question resulted in a temper tantrum, disrupting a few diner patrons and earning me an equal amount of dirty looks. Many profanities spilled from my lips as Ryan gawked at me in shock. He had no idea I felt that way.
When I finished, my throat burned from my screaming fit and I exited the diner like a child who had been told to go to bed instead of watching more TV. I drove back to the cabin as fast as the speed limit allowed, swearing about “the goddamn people who make the goddamn limit” along the way. I finally got back and fell onto the couch, exasperated and exhausted. I stayed there for a few hours, wishing to be in Ryan’s arms.
Where was he?
Was he okay?
Would he be coming back soon?
Tears threatened to spill so I rubbed my eyes feverishly with the heel of my hand. I wasn’t about to cry now. Ryan would be home soon enough. I prayed he would. It was all I could do, but it had to be enough. It just had to.
My failed attempt at sleep was interrupted by the creak of the front door opening. I glanced up to see Ryan standing in the doorway. A sad smile twitched at my cracked lips. Ryan would probably stumble over to the couch where I lay before emptying the contents of his stomach onto the carpet. But he didn’t. Not this time. He walked over to me purposefully, not stumbling once. He knelt down so I could see his face. The pain-filled expression was almost fully masked by soberness. Complete and utter soberness.
“I’m sorry, Bren.” he whispered.
I didn’t reply. Overwhelmed with a sense of relief I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was wonderful to see him comprehend the stress he was putting me through, but the couch still felt very empty. Ryan seemed to understand my predicament, lifting me off the couch and cradling me in his arms immediately. His heartbeat rang through my ears as he carried me into his bedroom. He put me down on the bed gently. I reached out to him, not wanting him to stay away longer than need be. He chuckled softly at my childishness before sitting down beside me. His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. My head rested against his chest and I could hear that wonderful pulse once more. Ryan murmured sweet nothings into my ear. He caressed my cheek, wiping away the tears I hadn’t noticed earlier. I curled up against him, his body encasing mine completely. Nothing could be heard besides his heartbeat and our mingled breathing. With Ryan at last, the silence became bearable.
I had nothing against silence, but it was only pleasant when I had someone to share it with.
My computer was being a total Nick Bottom (We're reading A Midsummer Night's Dream in english class) but I finally got this story up (As you can plainly see since, well, it's up isn't it?). Hope you guys like it! R&R if you do :)