Oh guys look, I did it! I finished! OHHHH the final instalment
Either that or heaven has serious hand gel fetishes, which is kind of weird because hello everyone is already dead and if this is a paradise then why are people getting sick?
But it’s not heaven, so I can’t ask. I’m in hospital because Mikey tried to kill me. Well I fell of the kitchen counter after being ravished by sex in a Mohawk. But that is neither here nor there
What is here is a hospital bed and my Grandma who is looking at me suspiciously from the corner like I’m hiding Frank somewhere in the covers. I am not, not in front of my Grandma. Not again.
The flash back to follow this thought process is not a fun one, Jesus, I am like a Vietnam veteran right now I am telling ya! The horror! The Shame!
“Gee” Grandma calls from the corner, her lavender suit rumpled and her face covered in melting makeup “You awake?” she asks
“Yes” I say and grin sloppily at her, giving the impression of a drunk talk show host, like that guy from the book film thing. One Day? I think that’s what it’s called anyway. I smile at her like him and it does little to comfort the elderly lady, clearly.
But what the fuck ever
“Oh for god’s sake you’re fucking stoned”
“You say the loveliest things to me, Grandma”
“You grew up in Jersey get the fuck over it”
I can tell she cares really though, because she wouldn’t let her makeup melt for just anyone, she is a Jersey woman makeup is a priority! So it’s nice to see that small amount of affection
Probably the most I will ever get from my family, for I am a poor neglected soul that is abused from the moment I awaken in my hospital bed. I am forced to travel the earth unloved and unnourished! I’m just one of those, misguided ghosts
Oh shut up Parawhore
“Frank’s just getting coffee” Grandma tells me and my heart does that sickening jolt thing that I can tell is going to get very annoying very quickly “He’s a nice boy” she says
It would seem the two really have hit it off, she normally hates anything with a pulse, this is proof that Frank is most defiantly a keeper. He is top catch!
I grin at her again and she sighs “ugh you’re smitten aren’t you?” she says with disgust
At this point I am forced to wonder just why every woman in my life is a heartless she-devil, it seems to be a theme for me at the moment. Maybe they’re al; just angry because they want a bit of my sexy bod
And ew I just said that about my Grandma. Gross. I apologise mentally to her and Jesus and everyone ever and to myself for inflicting these thought s upon me .
“Oh, baby!” I look up from the pillow and the bit of drool hanging from my mouth to see my mother standing in the doorway. So now she comes “Gee, sweetie are you okay?” she crowds in on me with an impressive quiff in her hair and a whole lot of perfume on
“mghph” I say into her chest as she squeezes any remaining life out of me like it wasn’t enough for her to have left me to the lions but now she has to come and finish me off. Death by boobs. That would be my sentence
“Oh, baby boy you were so brave. I’m so proud of you”
I’m not going to lie, I sort of preferred the blunt shut your face and drink your gin love more than all this cooing. But whatever my Mommy’s back and she loves me because I was brave and faced all the needles of death
“but you’re still grounded” she says then, all the warmth gone from her voice and I feel slightly more at home “Mikey is distraught and I found out about the detentions” she snaps
Maybe if I was on fewer drugs I would care more but that is not the case so I just grin some more until she moves away to sit with Grandma. I love family reunions
Mikey is the next to arrive and he has brought me a present, he looks a little sheepish, actually which is strange because I’m used to him looking like I just ate all his children.
I wouldn’t do that, ever. By the way.
Mikey doesn’t even have kids, he’s fourteen and a virgin for life anyway.
“Gerard” he says
“Mikey” I say
Then that’s all that is needed for him to run into my arms and cry and say he’s sorry and that he baked me more pie and he’s not mad, he’s not he was just upset. I pet his hair with my hands, sort of all of my hands though because I can’t move my fingers separately yet. But whatever it’s a nice moment
He wont let me have the pie until Frank gets here though, which okay Frank and pie I can do that.
Frank is as ravishing as ever when he arrives, leaning against the door with a coy smile and messy bed hair. Oh I would put my dick in that.
“Hey, Obi” he says and I use the force to drag him over to the bed, where he sits and grins all sparkly teeth and big hazel eyes “How ya feelin’?” he asks
“Like a pixie in a meth lab” I say truthfully and he laughs like I’m joking
“Glad you’re okay” he says because he’s glad I’m okay, this guy right here is glad I’m okay
I make what I hope is a pleased face and he smiles right back at me and yeah- smitten.
“So” I say, grinning at everyone present “who wants pie?”
A/N Oh oh oh no I did not just pick this up after like three months. I did not finish with a super short chapter like that! Well sorry but I totally just did! Like legit. RnR
ALSO check out the note about a possible sequel....