It took me God knows how long to skim through a mere several boxes of files. Nothing caught my attention and proved worthy of the fear that was creeping up inside of me. I felt heated in my fear like something rotting beneath the damn sun. I was never one for the sun, got all red because of it.
All the files were past records of employees, reports on patients years and years ago. Nothing that seemed even somewhat related to what the hell was going on here. I was about ready to give up but decided one more box would be good and then I'd call it a day. Retire back to my cell and try to get all the blood off of me. I didn't even want to begin to imagine where it had come from. I didn't even want to remember what I had heard before I had passed out. Didn't want to think of what could have happened to Janelle.
Heavily I sighed and dropped my final box of the day onto the ground. Dust flew up and my face seemed attracted to it. I swatted at the air and then knelt down. I pushed through the files, irritated by seeing that there was nothing worthwhile here either. I grabbed for the lid but then stopped when my eyes caught the name of a Joshua Lawrence. I dropped the lid and reached for the folder, sitting back against the wall with it.
His picture was there. Young, dark skin, dark eyes, full of exuberance and youth even through the picture. I scanned through the file, found little out of the usual. Medications, sleeping patterns, behavioral traits, etc. There was a typed up report stapled to the back.
"The patient often hallucinates claiming he's seen women stalking the halls at night." "The patient is often found outside of his room, unconscious and with no recollection of how anything happened." "The patient has taken on the traits of several past patients" "The patient was discovered in different parts of the asylum along with dead patients/employees, claiming he did nothing." The patient, the patient, the patient.
I lowered the folder onto my lap and rested my head back with a bit of frustration. I couldn't grasp any of it although it was nearly as plain as day. This kid had been suffering through exactly what I had been going through. He was suffering through the same hell I was. What the hell were the odds that something could be so severe and be mirrored in two different patients?
My eyes lowered again to the file and found the cause of death on his death certificate which was also stapled inside.
"Died- March 18th 2010 of a suicide."
Harshly I swallowed and tried not to think of what could have actually happened to him. Could all this that was happening really be wrapped up in something bigger? Were things really so unreal? Were they actually making all of this happen? Could there really be secrets so damn big?