Gerard gets back at Brendon causing a confused Ryan and a full fledged war amongst the friends.
I was incredibly bored. My job as a chef didn’t begin until the evening and I had already read Be Your Own Windkeeper, watched hours of TV and watched Sexy Naked Guy on his new moon shoes. His cockular area had been bouncing around so much… Pervy thoughts go away!
Yeah, so I had nothing to do other than go on the internet. I normally avoided the internet unless I was actually dying of boredom; this was one of those times. I automatically logged onto my email as it was a force of habit.
New blog post from Brendon Urie
I instantly clicked on the link that was hidden inside the email. I loved Brendon’s blog, he could often be stupidly sarcastic which was amusing, and it would definitely help my boredom. The newest blog post was labelled ‘A Life-Changing Announcement!’ Hm, it was strange for him to post something so ‘life-changing’ on the internet first.
“Hello my faithful readers. So, this is something pretty massive but it needs to be said right now. I, people of the internet, am gay. I love men, I suck huge cock. Problem? I thought not because my readers aren’t homophobic twatbags. Have a good day, year, and nine in the afternoon (A/N: I had to do that… sorry…) and I’ll see you on my next post!”
What. The. Fuck? That was unexpected, it had to be said. I mean, we always teased Brendon about being gay but none of us were actually being serious. It turned out that we were right without even realising it. My initial shock eventually passed and I decided that I really needed to call him to find out if it was a joke or not.
“Hi, you’ve reached Brendon Urie’s voicemail, you know what to do.”
“Uh, hi Bren,” I said, I should have checked the time, he was at work. Eh, it would probably be easier this way.
“So, I read your blog post and… well, you’re gay.” It came out as more of a question than a statement. I took a deep breath and worked my way up to speaking again.
“Yeah, congratulations on noticing buddy.” Then I did something that both shocked me and probably ruined my life all at the same time.
As soon as I got home I just collapsed on my couch and closed my eyes. Patrick was out. He had never been much of a roommate, more of a guy who eats breakfast in my kitchen every other day. I was always the one that paid for everything as well. Patrick would only ever spare a little money for food and even that was rare.
I decided to check if anyone had called and finally managed to hit the button for voicemail after beating the table for a couple of minutes. Ryan’s pretty little voice came out of the machine which made me smile until I actually paid attention to what he was saying. My smile disappeared instantly.
I shot up and ran to my computer. What the actual fuck was Ryan going on about!? I needed to get to my blog… Ah, there was the bookmark.
I knew instantly who had done it. No offence to my friends, but only Gerard was smart enough to hack into my account and post on my blog. Now the internet, and Ryan, thought I was gay! I was straight, definitely sure of it. It didn’t matter what I was though, because even one of my closest friends believed it. Strangers on the internet would fall for it instantly.
Gerard Way was going to pay. I worked with computers, I could hack into any of his accounts without any difficulty. I’d completely ruin his life just like he had ruined mine. Then it hit me. Ryan had said something at the end of his message. Had-Had he…?
Had Ryan Ross asked me out?
I was sat on my laptop shopping for shoes. Sure, I already owned over two hundred pairs but my motto is: You can never have enough shoes. I was just scrolling through web pages when I saw words flash up at the top of my browser. My email tab said ‘new email’. I went to check and it appeared that Gerard had tagged me in a status on Facebook. I quickly logged on to see what it said.
“What the fuck, you piece of shit!” I screeched out loud on sight of the thing I had been tagged in.
“I am totally gay with Frank!” was what the status said. It was attached to a picture. The most embarrassing picture I have ever seen. You know those slutty policewomen kissograms, like Amy Pond in Doctor Who? My face was photoshopped onto one of those and Gerard was… doing things to me. I instantly felt my face go red with rage and embarrassment.
I didn’t know what to do, that was the most degrading thing that had ever happened to me and I was fuming. I was going to murder Gerard then bring him back to life just so I could kill him again even more painfully. But, I had to wait to kill him. I had work the next day and it was too late to storm to his house in anger. I couldn’t find my phone to yell at him because it was lost under piles of clothes, rubbish and mess. Yes, I’m a slob. I just sent him an anger filled email.
In the email I just told him that I was incredibly embarrassed. I said that I didn’t know what he was playing at, but it was not cool. Then I went on to describe several ways to kill and/or castrate a man which I would quite happily do to him. Pleased with my work, I sent it and slammed the screen of my laptop down.
For some reason I decided to completely avoid the internet that night. I was pleased with ruining Brendon’s life so I decided to reward myself with Star Wars. I should have gone on my computer and checked facebook or even just my email but I didn’t. I had absolutely no idea how much shit I would be in the next time I saw anyone I knew.
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